Fantastic points with common sense. Nice quick and logical! Thanks for the post!
Brian
· 1 year ago
I am laughing my ass off! Great analogy. To many people trying to stick their tongues in our mouths when all we want is a handshake.
Geordie Romer
· 1 year ago
I think that Jeffrey Gitomer ( www.gitomer.com ) puts it well. "Everyone likes to buy, nobody likes to be sold."
Brandon Mendelson
· 1 year ago
Gross, the analogy, but good point.
nika
· 1 year ago
yuck, the thought of wet ear *shudders*
So, then if not right after following (understand that) then when is the time most propitious to stick the tongue in - er, I mean, do the ask?
Not that I am asking or that there is anything WRONG with asking....
NikNik
· 1 year ago
It's absolutely all about building relationships. Be yourself, share, and help....and you're bound to make the connections that will take your brand and your business to the next level.
May not be today or tomorrow...but good things DO come to those who don't spam.
Patrick Moran, Mzinga
· 1 year ago
For the record Chris... I have never tried to put my tongue in your mouth. Remember that when I DO sell you something. Then - and only then - shall I offer you my tongue. If that's your "thing". Wierd. Okay. Gross. Bye.
Marshall - bondChristian
· 1 year ago
"In relationship terms, I’m reaching out to shake your hand and you’re trying to put your tongue in my mouth."
As some have already said, great analogy. I'll remember that one.
Robert Worstell
· 1 year ago
Now, this is a measured rant - and well-taken point. I would extend @Brian 's point and say that you should probably first stick your tongue out when meeting some of these people for the first time. Best defense is a great offense...
No telling how many people I've dropped off following/subscribing because it was all buymebuymebuymebuymebuyme all the time.
Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't offer stuff of value, but it's not going to be a demonstration of a hand-shake buzzer...
More subtle - like, "If you like that rainbow over there, I might have some you could take home with you, let me look around here - no, pots of gold aren't included..."
Adam
· 1 year ago
Holy....WOW! Vivid imagery. Really gets the point across now doesn't it! Great post.
melanie
· 1 year ago
Amen, brohim.
Robin Piggott
· 1 year ago
Thank you for your illuminating post Chris.As a newcomer to the social media scene don't you think it would be really productive for say Twitter to require new peeps to read and sign an agreement that they Understand what spamming means and that even though they may be joining to spread their word, they will not indulge in it?
Yes the automatic "thanks for the follow please visit my Blah Blah BLah" script is really teeing me off, as well as those whose conversation consists of either "guess how many follows I have to get to reach 1000" or worse a complete page of "thank you to new followers".
It seems to me that Social Media Sites are the new home of a new generation of Spam 2.0 addicts!
Rob
· 1 year ago
Vivid analogy that virtually all can relate to. Will remember and repeat - with proper attribution of course!
Ed
· 1 year ago
I used to experience a stream of salesman in my business, both in person, and on the phone.
They would take my time, while seeing I was very busy, knowing I hadn't asked for theirs, and fire off a rapid-fire pitches which they had the brashness to wrap up with: "So can I sign you up?", before I'd even returned a syllable.
I was soft in the beginning, then learned to educate with verbal smelling salts. After all, I'm grinding to to support my infant, 88 hours a week.
Slick here in the suit and black BMW doesn't care that every 15 minute schmuck adds up to a lot of hours I could spend on baby talk, or visiting one of MY loyal customers.
I got fed up. I'd get a shocked look on my face, look down, lurch back, and say: "Is that both your hands in my pocket? Do you at least want to know my name? What's yours?"
It woke some up. Others not at all. And if there was a manager observing, I'd say "Did you do make him this way?"
Christopher Hire
· 1 year ago
Spot on Chris. And thanks for following me back on twitter. Best regards, Christopher
Katybeth
· 1 year ago
Wow! That was quite a picture you created. Even "those people" might get it.
Roy
· 1 year ago
Ouch. Direct hit! As a Twitter neophyte, I'm guilty. Frankly, I've gotten the same thing from people that are big in Social Media such as yourself and have 1000s of followers. I'm trying to learn the ropes by observing. I certainly respect your opinion, so you can feel good about coaching me today :-)
I absolutely agree that it's about the conversation. I have also dropped those that I was following because all of their tweets were stuff like "brushing my teeth".
Someone needs to start the "Noob Tweet of the Day"
Jason Anderson
· 1 year ago
Your post reminds me of Mike Tyson's high pitched comment when he was accused of rape a few years back..."I just wanted to kiss her"
I guess I'm guilty from time to time of trying to stick my own sales toung down peoples throats. Great reminder to get back to the relationship business.
Now...have I got a deal for you...
Melek
· 1 year ago
awesome! great analogy.
Mark Harai
· 1 year ago
If you care and are thoughtful in the process of participating in social media, the motives, business perspective and character of other individuals become clear very quickly.
At the end of the day, social media is an extension of the individual, and the ability to practice good business ethics and build relationships is where the value is. If you didn't manage to do this before social media, you certainly won't do it now.
It is great to have access to an authority in social media willing to pass on effective tips and guidance on how to develop a professional presence. I appreciate the opportunity and value your efforts very much.
Sincerely,
Social Media Newbie : )
Mary Kay Russell
· 1 year ago
I love this post Chris. Great message -- and so well put. It's all about the baby steps.
Susan MacDowell
· 1 year ago
This should be required reading for anyone entering the social media scene. Thanks!
Janie
· 1 year ago
love it, love it. You made me laugh. Glad I visited twitter this afternoon!
frank
· 1 year ago
haha ... this line is worth the read:
"In relationship terms, I’m reaching out to shake your hand and you’re trying to put your tongue in my mouth."
It made me think of walking through the mall ... you know the cell phone stands that have like 2-4 people working at them ... and they always try to get your attention so they can convince you to sign up with them ..
i hate that and will NEVER buy from one of those because of the feeling the've left me with just by walking by.
lol! I was just thinking something similar today when I was reading about a networking seminar (that I decided not to attend.) Seems like the same ham-handed techniques of f2f networking have mutated to fit social media. Stilted networking, where it's all about trying to sell you something vs. getting to know the person, is, I discovered, why I hate so many "business networking" events. And why I'm also bugged by people who "follow" me on twitter just to use my twitter stream as a billboard or leave a link to their blog in a comment on mine. yuck!
Duncan
· 1 year ago
Social Media Club Indianapolis has a rule. No selling allowed during the meetings. Its so old school to assume because you have access that your message is welcome or even needed or as you say appropriate.I was just at a gym I just joined. Although selling is hard core and expected in some countries huh. As Americans we dont like to be sold to and in most cases we dont like to negotiate either.
Shannon Ehlers
· 1 year ago
Another one of those posts where the real power is in the imagery of the words and the impression that it leaves. Excellent.
davefleet
· 1 year ago
Nice, Chris.
I'm amused that I read this post beneath a big fat ad in my RSS reader.
peters_web
· 1 year ago
I'm starting to see some of that too. I'm prepared to un-follow boring people. One twitter profile I saw was looking for 10K followers and following 0 (zero). I did not follow.
Ryan Stephens
· 1 year ago
Chris,
I think a lot of you. I think you're a great marketer, and I think you provide some of the most practical and tangible advice on social media online. All this said, I can assure you that I would NEVER stick my tongue in your mouth.
I don't re-follow people that have very uneven distribution in how many they're following and I often unfollow people that have a habit of too many tweets. Even if they're trying to provide value on the 13 posts they just did in a row, chances are I might unfollow; there's just too much noise.
chrisbrogan
· 1 year ago
@Dave - I bet it was huge! Like...50 pixels tall, even.
That's me. Always selling.
Wesley
· 1 year ago
Don't sell to me right above a post about when not to sell to you. Oh, wait, you already did that.
Ed
· 1 year ago
@Wesley @Dave
Get a life.
No seriously get something, but the toothpick out of your ass.
standout
· 1 year ago
>you’re trying to put your tongue in my mouth.
Depending on how good the facebook profile pictures look, this could actually be a good thing...
chrisbrogan
· 1 year ago
@Wesley - same as Dave- if you can't endure the Google reader Adsense ad that goes with my blog post, unsubscribe. I put out free shit all the time, every day, and if you're offended by the ad, the easiest way to stop seeing it is to opt out.
If you somehow equate that with the post, that's brilliant. You've completely and utterly uncovered the meaning of my blog post.
deb
· 1 year ago
as always, I agree. I have no problem with people trying to sell me something. I can ignore them online. or unfollow them. here's hoping I'm not trying to sell someone when I should be shaking their hand!
David H.
· 1 year ago
Sounds like it was a bad day.
Wesley
· 1 year ago
Thanks for the tip. There's nothing wrong with advertising but it works both ways. It's hypocritical to moan about people advertising to you when you're doing the same to others all the time, and sometimes even not being upfront about doing it (like with some of your book "reviews," which in reality are just ads).
I haven't bought the first something either. And you have to get them into the store somehow. And, it's annoying to buy something then have the seller keep trying to sell you more.
You don't "put out free shit." You don't just want to help people with this blog. You want more and you know it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but the goal of your blog is fame and money, whether through advertising or through the clients it gets you.
"The easiest way to stop seeing it is to opt out." Well, take your own advice. Whoever is selling to you, opt out. Don't send friend requests to people on Facebook if it annoys you that much. Don't follow people on Twitter if you don't want an automated 140 character direct message from them. It works both ways.
Melody
· 1 year ago
Great post, Chris! Good analogy, and right to the point.
Jim Whatley
· 1 year ago
thanks for not kissing Us.
Denise
· 1 year ago
Great point, on the other hand if we weren't all either buyers or sellers we would all get off the internet and watch TV instead I think. Life s about choice, and you and I can choose to ignore the sellers whose products do not appeal to us, without of course denying them the right to make the offer.
kevin
· 1 year ago
I guess I shouldn't have undone your pants at blog world expo
tyler
· 1 year ago
I like the phrase "Don’t sell me the bigger picture when I haven’t even bought the handshake."
Robin Grant
· 1 year ago
Perhaps Seth Godin needs to republish Permission Marketing, re-framed for the age of social media....
Rita
· 1 year ago
Great job! Once you've been sucked into the funnel you find yourself swirling around with all their jv's too. You wrote exactly what many of us feel.
Chris Marsden
· 1 year ago
I think this is a bit of a balancing act, both in "real" life and social media. I have resisted using a DM autoresponder simply because I know it isn't real and so do the people who get it from me. But I also never hand my business card to people who aren't interested in connecting further. Relationships should happen naturally. If I add something of value, they will dig deeper. Whether its meeting a girl (back when I was single), building a business contact, or connecting via social media.
davefleet
· 1 year ago
@Chris - you know I heart ya, big guy. The fact that you're constantly not selling is the reason I like to rib you on posts like this :)
Oh, and @ed - classy. Very classy.
Shane
· 1 year ago
As a result of struggling with this post for a week now, I have removed the link from my autoDM on twitter and disabled my pop-up newsletter prompt.
Bottom line: The imagery of making out with you was just too unsettling.
I hope there is an effective way to achieve the same results because I don't want to have to pick between the imagery and the money. Sort of seems like I lose either way.
LoneWolf
· 11 months ago
I have to agree that the high pressure sales approach is offensive. Make the introduction and then let me come looking for what you can offer.
And I think that an RSS feed or e-mail subscription to a blog is a much different animal than following on Twitter or Facebook -- you signed up for the feed knowing that the blog was promoting something so you've got to expect some selling there.
All Comments
So, then if not right after following (understand that) then when is the time most propitious to stick the tongue in - er, I mean, do the ask?
Not that I am asking or that there is anything WRONG with asking....
May not be today or tomorrow...but good things DO come to those who don't spam.
As some have already said, great analogy. I'll remember that one.
No telling how many people I've dropped off following/subscribing because it was all buymebuymebuymebuymebuyme all the time.
Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't offer stuff of value, but it's not going to be a demonstration of a hand-shake buzzer...
More subtle - like, "If you like that rainbow over there, I might have some you could take home with you, let me look around here - no, pots of gold aren't included..."
Yes the automatic "thanks for the follow please visit my Blah Blah BLah" script is really teeing me off, as well as those whose conversation consists of either "guess how many follows I have to get to reach 1000" or worse a complete page of "thank you to new followers".
It seems to me that Social Media Sites are the new home of a new generation of Spam 2.0 addicts!
both in person, and on the phone.
They would take my time, while seeing I was very busy,
knowing I hadn't asked for theirs, and fire off a
rapid-fire pitches which they had the brashness to wrap up with: "So can I sign you up?", before I'd even
returned a syllable.
I was soft in the beginning, then learned to educate
with verbal smelling salts. After all, I'm grinding to
to support my infant, 88 hours a week.
Slick here in the suit and black BMW doesn't care that
every 15 minute schmuck adds up to a lot of hours
I could spend on baby talk, or visiting one of MY loyal customers.
I got fed up. I'd get a shocked look on my face, look down, lurch back, and say:
"Is that both your hands in my pocket?
Do you at least want to know my name? What's yours?"
It woke some up. Others not at all.
And if there was a manager observing, I'd say
"Did you do make him this way?"
Best regards,
Christopher
I absolutely agree that it's about the conversation. I have also dropped those that I was following because all of their tweets were stuff like "brushing my teeth".
Someone needs to start the "Noob Tweet of the Day"
I guess I'm guilty from time to time of trying to stick my own sales toung down peoples throats. Great reminder to get back to the relationship business.
Now...have I got a deal for you...
At the end of the day, social media is an extension of the individual, and the ability to practice good business ethics and build relationships is where the value is. If you didn't manage to do this before social media, you certainly won't do it now.
It is great to have access to an authority in social media willing to pass on effective tips and guidance on how to develop a professional presence. I appreciate the opportunity and value your efforts very much.
Sincerely,
Social Media Newbie : )
"In relationship terms, I’m reaching out to shake your hand and you’re trying to put your tongue in my mouth."
It made me think of walking through the mall ... you know the cell phone stands that have like 2-4 people working at them ... and they always try to get your attention so they can convince you to sign up with them ..
i hate that and will NEVER buy from one of those because of the feeling the've left me with just by walking by.
---
http://twitter.com/franswaa
I'm amused that I read this post beneath a big fat ad in my RSS reader.
I think a lot of you. I think you're a great marketer, and I think you provide some of the most practical and tangible advice on social media online. All this said, I can assure you that I would NEVER stick my tongue in your mouth.
I don't re-follow people that have very uneven distribution in how many they're following and I often unfollow people that have a habit of too many tweets. Even if they're trying to provide value on the 13 posts they just did in a row, chances are I might unfollow; there's just too much noise.
That's me. Always selling.
Get a life.
No seriously get something,
but the toothpick out of your ass.
Depending on how good the facebook profile pictures look, this could actually be a good thing...
If you somehow equate that with the post, that's brilliant. You've completely and utterly uncovered the meaning of my blog post.
I haven't bought the first something either. And you have to get them into the store somehow. And, it's annoying to buy something then have the seller keep trying to sell you more.
You don't "put out free shit." You don't just want to help people with this blog. You want more and you know it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but the goal of your blog is fame and money, whether through advertising or through the clients it gets you.
"The easiest way to stop seeing it is to opt out." Well, take your own advice. Whoever is selling to you, opt out. Don't send friend requests to people on Facebook if it annoys you that much. Don't follow people on Twitter if you don't want an automated 140 character direct message from them. It works both ways.
Oh, and @ed - classy. Very classy.
Bottom line: The imagery of making out with you was just too unsettling.
I hope there is an effective way to achieve the same results because I don't want to have to pick between the imagery and the money. Sort of seems like I lose either way.
And I think that an RSS feed or e-mail subscription to a blog is a much different animal than following on Twitter or Facebook -- you signed up for the feed knowing that the blog was promoting something so you've got to expect some selling there.