I wish more people spoke from one voice and applied that across all of their lives like you do. You are the same way on your blog as you are when you speak as you are during a meeting as you are at a bar having a beer. People always know what "Chris Brogan" they are going to get because it's always the same one.
I've known too many people where they are uptight in the office because they're supposed to be professional and wear the perfect shirt and say the right things BUT get them out for a drink and they are a totally different person. Why? Because society has taught them that they need to separate those lives and should be two different people. Like you mention though, if you're always the same person then you never have to worry.
Don Martelli
· 11 months ago
I write personally and professionally based in my personality. You have to I think. Makes it authentic. However, writing for clients means I need to be on message and in the voice of that specific exec. That's a much bigger challenge I think.
Jim
· 11 months ago
Chris -
Thanks for being both entertaining and profound at the same time. I'm glad you're you, and that you speak and write without changing anything. Authentic = Good.
TalkDebbie
· 11 months ago
I was pleasantly surprised to see the headline of your post in my Friend Feed this morning. "Find Your Voice" is my agency's tagline. It's what we help our clients do. Couldn't agree with you more. Our company is Talk, Inc. Thanks for your insights. Always enjoy and learn from them.
Sonny Gill
· 11 months ago
You're totally spot on with this. Yes, we're in the digital age and we're on the computer a lot of the time talking with one another but this isn't high school and we're not trying to act "cool" just in this space, it's the way a lot of us are. Whether you curse, are a bit snarky, etc - everyone has their own personality, show your true colors, both online and offline, otherwise, you're just playing yourself for a fool and people will see that more than you saying 'shit'.
Nathan Hangen
· 11 months ago
Chris,
Not only is it a bad idea to not be yourself, but I also don't really think it is sustainable and you will eventually lose your purpose and direction.
nfpn
· 11 months ago
In a nutshell, people play different roles in their life eg father, son, teacher, manager, teammate, colleague, friend, lover, husband etc... I guess some people are just better (or more comfortable) at integrating their "real" self in those roles than others. Expectations of others in those different roles also is a major factor in an individual's behaviour eg - your work colleagues have different expectations of you than your wife, hence changing what we present ... I'm sure I could waffle on all day about this stuff but I won' - you get my drift...( I hope!)
Pat Gunning
· 11 months ago
In a personal business you have the right and even the responsibility to establish business guidelines that fit you and your personality. Obviously, your success is going to be partially determined by the perception of others of your style and skills.
Many people shape their perceptions through their own moral or ethical standards or from the experiences they have had regarding business ethics. Think of comedy, you have conservative comedians who appeal to the conservative crowd and you have edgy comedians who appeal to the crowd that enjoy a more relaxed and adult standard.
Some people try to please the crowd they face while others hold true to their own defined style. You are a business man and it's up to you how you want to conduct business. You make the choice do you want your style determined by others or do you want to to be self determined.
Either way you will have an eager crowd if your content has value!
Michael Bailey
· 11 months ago
Great advice Chris, and reassuring to hear.
I'm who I am all the time. Sometimes I stop and wonder if I should put on the act, as if somehow that would help me advance, or even to get a job.
In the end, I am me, and if there's not a good fit between "me" and "them" then it wasn't meant to be.
Stacey Shipman
· 11 months ago
I couldn't agree more. I wrote an article this morning for my newsletter about the disconnect so many of us have personally vs professionally. I am one person with 1 personality. Take it or leave it. As speakers, writers, employees, and people, we cannot please everyone and we have to remember that.
Ray
· 11 months ago
I walk in several different cultures. It is not a question of authenticity to fit into another culture's expectations. Perhaps it is time to deal with "appropriate authenticity". Sometimes it is not about you but about others...
Charles
· 11 months ago
Short but very informative post. Your (voice) approach gives people a feeling of ease when listening to or reading your posts.
Very "down to earth" approach....
Susan Mazza
· 11 months ago
My work for the last 15 years has been about unleashing the human spirit at work. During a workshop 10 yrs ago a client suggested that instead of having a "bring your child ot work day", one way to start to change the culture was to have a "bring yourself to work day"! The "unwritten rules" in any group often make people fear revealing too much of themselves, especially for example if their "creative self" seems at odds with a "conservative culture". Ultimately though I think there is confusion about the difference between bringing your personal life to work and being authentically yourself. We have a lot of work to do on this front yet I think social media tools in and out of organizations will accelerate change in this arena. I am just beginning to explore the possibilities and am very excited about the potential.
Michael Booker
· 11 months ago
It is not always as easy to speak in your own voice in EVERY situation. Sometimes you just have to tweak your personality if you want something accomplished. I think its fine to speak your voice and I try to practice it myself, but you have to be able to adapt and tailor your voice for certain circumstances. @bookerx3
Kyle James
· 11 months ago
That damn stop button. So important to be who you are, but I will toss this out there. Sometimes it's worth the effort to step it up and be more professional and here's why.
If you don't think your a freakin' rock star and an awesome badass then why is anyone else ever going to believe that you are? You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. So keep rocking and working harder than everyone else and then you don't have to defend your ways because actions speak louder than words.
DobD
· 11 months ago
Shit Chris, you make it sound so simple. Oh yea, it is! Thanks
A Maui Blog
· 11 months ago
I personally do not like using "shit" and those kind of words, but I like still like you even if you occasionally use that when you speak :) (even though I have not heard you speak on a conference yet ... someday, when I can afford the plane tickets I would :)
I agree, we have to be true to ourselves - no pretenses. "Our own voice" is our own asset. It's good business sense to be true to ourselves.
Aloha! Liza
Steve Sherlock
· 11 months ago
Chris, I agree with authenticity, I wholeheartedly agree with consistency. These days, I still quibble with the use of some language. Humorously, I explain it this way:
There once was a lad from Pawtucket who now had to rhyme with suck it but he did not dare as he did not swear so he found a way to duck it
Thanks for you being you!
Jeroen de Miranda
· 11 months ago
Chris, thanks for sharing this really inspiring video! This adds to all the great writing on your blog, and gives another perspective on your mission with your blog and your company. Will check your book tip. Great!
Dyana Valentine
· 11 months ago
thanks, Chris:
stepping out into authenticity/transparency is THE calling right now. For a lot of my folks (new entrepreneurs and first year college/grad students), the FIRST times are key: first time you try something new(on any level) as YOURSELF is a doozy for many. I can completely relate--even though I mentor/consult with folks, I still have some Dyana limbs to climb out on. The most recent was putting up a youtube channel and adding more than my art videos--I set a week of accountability on doing short pieces on what my clients/students really needed THAT week. Thanks to David Eckoff (my accountability partner for the week), I DID it--got on camera AS IS and just did my thing. And:
IT FEELS GREAT!
Being truly me is so much easier than being what I thought I should be/act/dress/whatever.
Thanks for calling on (expecting, demanding) us to be who we are. Okay, everybody: live your passions in your YOU costume, today!
Bob Rhubart
· 11 months ago
Chris,
You've hit on my primary soapbox issue when talking to people about the use of Social Media in a business context. The problem -- well, my problem -- with "traditional" marketing communication is that it's so obviously fluffy and phoney and too often absent any signs of life. Yet in my experience so many marketing people seem to think that the audience will suck that up. That's one aspect.
Another is the idea that businesses don't communicate, people communicate. The use of Social Media makes old-school faceless, sanitized, "official" communication obsolete. This is the age of technologically extended personal connection to a global personal network. In that network the lines between business interests and personal interests is very blurry indeed. And that's as it should be. As individuals our professional and personal lives are inextricably intertwined.
In that environment, can a business survive if it continues to engage with customers, partners, suppliers, or employees as a single monolithic entity? I think not. A business is a collection of individual people, a kind of techno-organic network -- a network within the larger global network. The use of Social Media allows individuals within one network to engage with individuals in other networks on a more personal, and thereby more effective level.
As individuals we are all nodes on that overarching global network. Social Media tools allow us to create and manage our own connections. This is a cataclysmic change in the business environment, but it's a cataclysm that businesses can survive if they learn to unleash -- and trust -- the individual voices within.
In order to be effective, those individual voices must reflect the legitimate passions, interests, and expertise of the individual, rather than spewing out the same tired old monolithic marketing message. Every time I see a press release disguised as a blog post I want to stab myself in the brain with a pencil.
And that brings us back to your excellent point about the importantance of the legitimate, real, individual voice. With a little luck and a lot of enthusiasm Social Media can finally drive a stake through the heart of the monolithic business-speak and marketing fluff that gets in the way of the more valuable personal connection businesses of all sizes must make with customers and the other roles that are essential to the business.
Seth Simonds
· 11 months ago
Chris, you mean I can stop walking around being "Just Thrilled" about a variety of "Dynamic Solution Concepts"? =)
I have a deal worked out with some of the moms who follow me on Twitter. Instead of tossing rocks at me for being irreverent, they've agreed to throw cupcakes.
I like the two-video concept. It'd be interesting to track the clicks on the first vs. second video. Very telling stuff.
Jean Ghalo
· 11 months ago
waw i really like how straight is that....
in my first conference 3 years ago about how to plan and organize an event, for the NDU (Notre Dame University) students, I felt a bit of distracted, didn't know what to wear or how to present, while My power point was so perfect and the subject was something I know very good. The first minutes, I felt like am not comfortable like i need water, words not going out, afraid from my English accent, and other factors, than I was like NO, this has to end and I should go ahead, so simply I was myself back again did a nice presentation for the next 25 minutes, had a nice Q&A session.
Back home, after 2 days got the DVD watched myself and I was like, WTF is that my voice, didn't know my voice was that ugly, watched the movie like 10 times and said to myself, "can do nothing, except keep on giving nice presentations like that one".
I agree with you Chris, a person has to be hiself whether in business or anywhere, otherwise he will forget which person he was the next time.
Cheers! Jean
Christopher Masiello
· 11 months ago
Great topic. I work in an accounting area at an insurance company and it took a while for me to be able to use my own voice and still be OK with people. I think that after you put a body of work together and let people see that you're a good person despite some rough edges, it all works out. My lesson was that you might have to let people see more of your good side before you unleash yourself 100%.
miad20
· 11 months ago
aye, chris,
this is what i 'read' when interpreting the way you talk what you say: hey, guys, maybe i swear from time to time, but this is inocent, more like an automatism than a proper intention of expressing anger; don't judge me by this and reject me as i never have the intention of being rude' and this takes me to this question: in business are you allowed to be too much yourself or is wiser just to spice up with fine details a portrait generally accepted by customers? is it sane for an average business (which is not based on performing arts and creativity) to bring on too much a of a real you and less a 'constructed' you-[a constructed you to which your customer does not react with the 'flight' response]? i personally couldn't find yet the answer.
cheers, mia
Bill Sledzik
· 11 months ago
This reminded me of a post I wrote a few years back. It cited research claiming that cursing on the job actually improves morale. Never thought of it as an "authenticity issue." Thanks for the insight!
I love that you are authentic. Even when I met you in person you were 1,000,000% the same as you are in these videos, and as Cuba Gooding Jr. said to Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire "I Dig That About You!!!"
ilona
· 11 months ago
I'm for being authentic. That said, I think that my thoughts here center around not the list of good or bad words (think Carlin here?) as much as feedback giving us pause in how we express ourselves. We ge4t used to ourselves and then -surprisingly- find that words or attitudes hit others quite differently. I think it is more a learning process of communication. so maybe we can take a minute to ask ourselves, "Does 'Shit!' express what I really wanted to say about that?" Maybe it doesn't. I think the feedback ought to find its way to those sorts of questions. It isn't always a matter of being our authentic selves, but of finding whether our words express those authentic selves in actual terms.
Too, we have different social expressions of ourselves. For authentic people it isn't always about being untrue to who you are ( although we have inner conversations about that) but like Shrek, we have layers, some of which we keep for different levels of intimacy. Business is not a high level of intimacy for most of us, although the internet blurs the edges. so maybe we don't have to remind ourselves of *who* we are so much as *where we are*.
Some people would argue with my honesty in this, but not all uncensored expression is necessarily honesty. And wrapped around all this is the fact that we ought to cut each other a little slack. We have emotions, we react. No one wants to be or be around cardboard figures of people. That gets old!
Osborne
· 11 months ago
I think there is a fine line between authentic and credible. To wit, while Elloit Spitzer was authentically getting busy with an escort - being true to his individual self - and then dragging his poor wife up to the podium to share in his loss of credibility. Would that count as editing the self in business? Do we really need to curse during a lecture to be genuine? Or passionate? Or could that backfire as a demonstration of self-indulgent self expression a la Othmer's The Futurist? As a writer, don't you find your work is better after you edited it? Why wouldn't you put the same effort into your presentation? Your business? Authenticity is great. Credibility pays the bills.
Veronika / dotcalm
· 11 months ago
A former friend used to get really upset with me when I would tell people I grew up poor and was a professional cleaning person at one time... she would get angry and ask why I felt it was necessary to say that. I'd tell her that's a part of who I am... and that knowing that would help people understand why I was grateful to be given things (overly grateful in her opinion) and why I was always respectful of "service-type" employees. I'm not ashamed of how I grew up or what my previous jobs were - it has all benefited me and made me stronger.
My site, www.stressfreedesign.com, is very teal and pink - my colors - and I guess it looks "girlie" so, in an effort to make males more comfortable, I've created www.veronikafreeman.com - with forest and olive greens and a different background. A male subcontractor of mine thinks I should use that "manly site" for everyone - but I think not. I like my dots and happy picture and fun fonts - it's me! The women I work with love it and expect to see those colors on my marketing materials...
I'd welcome anyone's opinion! I feel like I'm in line with what Chris is saying - feel free to agree or disagree!
Veronika, design therapist, dotcalm
Susan Mazza
· 11 months ago
Seems to me you can BOTH be authentic AND responsible for what's appropriate in the environment you are in. And if you can't do both where you work or with the people you work with then maybe you are working in the wrong place and/or doing the wrong kind of work.
Bruce Elkin
· 11 months ago
I "get" that swearing is not what you're really talking about, but more a metaphor for authenticity. I'll bet long odds that you know when to swear, and when not to.
But I love the advice to be who you are, all of who you are. I think there is a positive feedback loop between authenticity and credibility.
The first selp-help book I ever read was "I Ain't Much, Baby, But I'm All I Got." It was kinda cheesy, but the message took me through a difficult time (1975!) and has stayed with me since. I underscore it in my article "Authentic Success: Your Ordinary Self Is Good Enough" - http://tinyurl.com/Ordinary-Self
Warning: It's not business oriented. It's just about taking what life gives you and using it to the max!
With the digital trails we leave today, it is more important than ever to be yourself all the time because it is too easy for folks to determine who you really are anyway. Why hide or try to change? Who you are is your greatest asset. Wear it proudly and find those that appreciate it, as is. Those that don't.. "F 'em!" LOL. Now that I've heard all the cussing, I feel MUCH BETTER about some of the jokes and stories I shared with you at CES. ;-)
krissy knox
· 11 months ago
Chris, I totally agree with you.
Authenticity does come down to self esteem and self confidence. You need to have both or you will allow yourself to be pulled in all directions to the extent that you put on a different face for everybody. I almost fell into this trap, as I had serveral different individuals and organizations telling me I needed to change the way I was acting to fit into their group, when all I was doing was being my authentic self.
My association with them didn't last long. I decided I would have one persona -- me (hey, how about that!). This way I don't have to remember who I'm supposed to be at any given time! I can now lay my head on my pillow at night, knowing that I have integrity (yeah, I'm integrated!) and knowing I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not.
This will bring on detractors, but who cares. I figure, if I'm being the best me I can be -- a kind individual who contributes to society, then its not important if someone, for a silly reason, won't allow me to "belong to their club," or won't give me their businees. I'll find another club, or find a client that fits. Why would I want to belong to their club anyway?
Being your authentic self in all your associations, across the board, is sometimes scary. It's a risk! You need to have self esteem and know why you like yourself, because you need to be ready to be rejected by some, and you need to be able to tell yourself "I'm okay."
So rememember -- be yourself -- if a few don't appreciate you, so what? You'll find many others who will appreciate you, for being confident and having a unique voice. And then again, even if they don't, so what? You'll be able to lay your head down on the pillow at night knowing YOU like YOU.
I think there is a merging of the personal and professional that is continuing to occur -- it's a sign of less formal times, but also, I think, a sign that more people are becoming more passionate about their work.
I've had a personal and a professional blog, and they've been unmistakeably merging and becoming one over time. I just posted a video response that talks about how that's been.
(Cliff Notes Version: It's been good.)
Susan
· 11 months ago
There is a fine line between authentic and narcissism. If 79% of the international audience finds using swear words in the business environment offensive (Servcorp survey Dec. 2008 - US & UK rank it nearly 100%), why does one choose to use them?
Awareness of others, paying attention to their needs, and responding to their needs in a considerate way, is part of civil community. It is not a threat to freedom of expression. Individual rights in an egalitarian, democratic society requires self-control otherwise we may see government laws to close the gap. (e.g. The Hand Up Act, Microsoft’s patent application for a digital manners policy- a technology to restrict cell phone transmission for example in a movie theatre, U.S. patent No. 7437290 a technology that lets a company bleep out words in an audio stream that match a list of predefined bad words.)
Ironically, the very desire of freedom of self-expression will be lost if one cannot balance self-expression with self-restraint.
Susan isn't wrong. I mean, there are lots of ways one can offend one's crowd. You know, beards are bad, too.
But you're not wrong.
And yet.
linda m lopeke
· 11 months ago
The good news: I'm the same person with everyone, all the time, in all media. The perhaps-not-so-good-news: A lot of people I meet don't like that. Frequently that means they don't like me. Popularity means nothing to me. It isn't that I don't care; I just don't care about stuff like that. I do value honesty, openness, integrity and authenticity.
Bottom line: if you're not prepared to hear the truth, don't ask me the question. Makes life simple, doesn't it?
Linda M. Lopeke The SMARTSTART Coach
Jon Ray
· 11 months ago
Being completely uncensored and honest to who I am is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. But, I'm getting there and the results have been 100 times greater than any action I saw while trying to be the person I thought other people wanted me to be.
As always, thanks for the sage advice.
Danny Brown
· 11 months ago
Chris,
You know I love you to bits, but not everyone has the luxury of being "themselves".
Pardon my rudeness and blatant plug, but I wrote about this very topic a few days back (did you read my post and disagree so much you recorded your answer???) ;-)
Fuck yeah! Finally you said it Chris. It is awesome to see that you are making a statement as bold as this because you can apply this idea to anything and it doesn't even have to be about business. People tend to be two sided which makes them boring so good for you for breaking the mold.
Alistair
· 11 months ago
Thanks Chris for fantastic advice.
It is all too easy to fit in with everyone else, never rock the boat and do exactly as others expect. This is a great strategy if you are trying to make sure you don't get fired, or lose that contract... But you become mediocre - you can never become exceptional, because you are exactly the same as everybody else.
ps. I love the video posts, they convey your passion much more effectively ;-)
Jon Ray - I think the hardest thing to do is to be completely honest with yourself
leslie carothers
· 11 months ago
Chris:
I appreciate your statement. Here is my own experience re:authenticity:
At 20, didn't know how to define it 'cause didn't know who I was-played around with all sorts of different "personalities" to see which one people related to the most-had to do this all the time growing up as different personalities at different times got me the love I needed from parents.
At 30, FELT I was creative, but didn't KNOW I was-would not charge for my work!
At 36, KNEW I was creative, but not THINKING about word "authenticity" "integrity". Tied up in wrong marriage.
At 43-KNEW I was not being authentic to my inner calling., but money kept me from taking action. However, mentally, I started taking complete action on making the changes necessary for integration in my life.
At 45-Left secure job with NO financial backing and NO IDEA of what I was going to do-only knew FOR SURE that I wanted my own business and would do whatever it took to make it successful. Started The Kaleidoscope Partnership. Finally had confidence in my ability to market and sell and figured that whatever I decided to do would benefit from these two skills. Went through five months of trying on different business "skins." After five months, reality forced me into monetizing what I KNEW other people would pay for (to know how I sold so much furniture using design skills-so I started sales training for furniture retailers), but I KNEW deep down I was still not being authentic to my deepest calling.
Finally, at 51(last year) I was able to make the complete switch into my truest, deepest passion-creatively communicating with people in order to make a difference-whether it's in one person's life, in the life of the furniture industry, or, if given the opportunity, in the world.
And, what I can tell you and anyone reading this is that who I am NOW, finally, is who I really am whether you meet me in person, see me speaking on behalf of the furniture industry, meet me through my volunteer efforts on behalf of Women In The Home Industries Today, read my online or offline columns for furnituretoday.com or Furniture World magazine, follow me on twitter or wherever. I am, at last, fully integrated into myself and completely authentic.
I can speak the truth without fear. I have survived MANY very difficult life transitions(many within the past two years as I have made 5 moves within 2 years, had Dad die, gone through MAJOR client and financial crises, broke off formal engagement last year, and had complete hysterectomy last November-is that enough?)
As you can see, I put it out there and yet, and yet... I am busier than ever in my business life and happier than (almost)ever in my personal life.
But, here is what I know: it can take a LONG TIME for someone to be able to be authentic and transparent- for all the reasons I've shared and many more that I probably don't understand or know.
I am SO grateful to the universe for all the adversity. Somehow I think I was thrown all of these curveballs so I would get the message that you are espousing in this video!
It's a goal to reach for, that's for sure, and, hopefully, those younger than me will be able to get to it faster than I did because of the access to information that exists now vs. when I was growing up.
And, I want to say here that my "agenda" on twitter and on behalf of trying to do a good job for my clients, BiOH.com and yourfurniturelink.com on Twitter is this: If I can show others in the furniture industry how I have helped my clients achieve sales and/or raise brand awareness THEN other people in the furniture industry may be able to grasp the power of the social web and DROP the traditional advertising they are doing which, in turn DROPS hundreds of thousands of dollars to the bottom line and THAT can lead to saving THOUSANDS of JOBS and having the cash flow to re-invest in the technologies that will enable them to survive, compete and transition into a new era of doing business. The furniture industry is a legacy industry. So, by being authentic to my talent as a creative connector and communicator, I can be authentic to my desire to help others, too.
Authenticity=FTW! Thanks, Chris, for the chance to express this. Curiousity is the number one business trait I value and you have it in spades.
Whitney Hoffman
· 11 months ago
100% plus infinity agree. I also think when we talk about passion, drive and motivation- these are things we can't fake or contain- they are where we draw our power from, and it's almost impossible to bottle this up inside. I'm spending this weekend at Educon 2.1- an educational unconference made up of regular folk, but superstars are also here, as just regular folk. Jeff Hahn, who did a great TED talk on the multitouch screen was here, asking educators about how this technology might help them in the classroom- what did they think the implications were for them. Gary Stager, from the school reform movement, is an amazing guy who just can't contain his passion for kids and teaching, but also for saying stuff like "This is stupid and why we continue to subject kids to this every day is beyond my ability to comprehend." Gary has gotten kids in a prison population in Maine to hand-make guitars- kids who never concentrated on anything in their life spent over 500 handcrafting guitars and now want to take the next step and learn how to play....It's all about authenticity and engagement. It's also about not underestimating other people and talking to them as people, not just an audience for a controlled performance. There are educators here who are passionate about making schools work for their kids, looking to come away with new ideas and be inspired to become agents of change in their schools- to become the heretics of the "canon" as it stands where they are, and start making education something they can be passionate about so they can make a new generation of students passionate about learning as well. But it starts here, Chris, with posts like yours, that remind us all how important finding your voice is, and helping others find theirs- in school this means recognizing that kids need to have a meaningful voice that's valued-(and that works for us at home, too, by the way)- in business, it's about being a good listener when others try to express their views and not drowning them out, assuming you know the only true way.
John Darrin
· 11 months ago
We moderate our presentation for the same reason that we shower, shave, brush our teeth, wear clean clothes, etc. - to make an appropriate impression on our audience. In many cases, the message is the priority, not the messenger, and your presentation must not distract from your goal. If the client/date/boss/whatever is thinking about your manner, they aren't thinking about your message.
Be yourself, yes. But that is not a license to impose your culture or personality on your audience.
Bill Sledzik
· 11 months ago
John's comment reminds me of an incident this week at my office. We're in the process of hiring a new faculty member, and we naturally want one who understands social media. While examining the online activities of candidates, we found one who is fond of salty language -- including the F-bomb in blog post headlines an text. Several committee members worried that this behavior might transfer to our classrooms, and that's just not acceptable.
I agree with Chris' notion that we must be authentic. But we also have to consider the impact of that authenticity on our audience, and that some audiences like it more than others. Let's also remember that cuss words morph into common usage. For example, we all know that Chris' blog is the "shit."
Good take. When talking about "being yourself" in business though, we already have been shown how to move, speak and behave in a given social circle - maybe by our parents. Otherwise we won't even be accepted to enter. So, the only thing we do when being ourselves, we cautous push the boundaries of the social circle we already made us to be able to enter.
Barry Moltz
· 11 months ago
As a speaker, I would want people to love me or hate me. If they have a strong feeling about what I said, then I have connected with them on some level. If I connected with them then I made them think and I was successful.
Jon Glassett
· 11 months ago
It seems to me that what's really being discussed here is passion and how to avoid it being attenuated unnecessarily. I can't say that I disagree with the whole idea of being 100% who you are all the time as a means to this end. Here's my take on it, though: passion is fuel. At best, it's an engine. What passion doesn't tend to do so well is steer. Passion will always go forward even if it's aimed for the rocks. That's why ships have crews and captains and navigation systems: to keep all that power on course.
To Susan's point, I think a little restraint (i.e., decorum, manners, civility and so on) provides a helpful balance and doesn't necessarily have to sap passion. Study the charts when you're navigating around people and you'll likely stay afloat much longer. Your passion will have a better chance of survival in the long run because you haven't essentially sabotaged yourself by being so full-on "This is who I am so deal with it!" authentic all the time that you lose more friends than you make.
Consider that some of your colleagues and potential clients are being 100% authentic and true to themselves when they become uncomfortable because of something you say or do. That may be an acceptable risk to you. Maybe it's worth it in the long run to take those chances. I get that, too. I'm not a huge fan of modifying my own behavior. For example, I probably use the word 'fuck' more often than I ought (like right then). It all depends on the situation, your goals, whether or not you're a completely banzai mofo with "FTW" tattooed on your forehead, etc.
Pixie Stevenson
· 11 months ago
The concept of just showing up and being real is more than a little scary for some people. You're absolutely right about it being easier to be the same person all the time instead of trying to change your persona to fit the situation.
When I saw myself behaving better with my coworkers than my children, I made a conscious decision to be the same person all the time.
Being yourself saves time, saves energy and in the long run saves face.
chrisbrogan
· 11 months ago
@Jon Glassett - that's a really swell analogy. I love it. Brilliant, actually!
Bill
· 11 months ago
Well, let's face it business marketing has far long been "find out target group and fit in" to get sales. I have seen people do this in their personal and professional lives as well. Sure it fine and great at all. Sometimes it makes sales at the business level, but usually it is seen through - let's face it how many energy companies are truly "green" but they are trying to send a message that they are, and they care....yeah, right...then stop using the old methods, come up with something innovative that is inexpensive, renewable and available for mass consumption....and if you can't, stop pretending you can and that you are green because you are "trying".
People are the same way - it was always fun on the Friday night outings at one job I held too many years ago. You would see a completely different side of people....a WAY different side.
Now I don't read comics much, but Two-Face seems a good match here. Never know who you are or what you are.
You know what ticks me off the most? All the little people that get so hurt because of our differences - different language, different cultures, different history, different customs and different personalities.
Is it me, or does it seem the same people that proclaim "Celebrate Diversity" are generally the same crowd who don't know who they are themselves??? So when someone is true to their voice and is being their own person, it seems highly offensive to that crowd.
Maybe that's why I fail in the world so bad - if I offend someone by being different, I feel they can bug off or get over it....even if I lose the sale....I would rather build on WHO I am and WHAT I am with a good solid foundation rather than who I am NOT and what I am NOT and have my castle wash away because the foundation is so wishy-washy because one pillar was stone and the next sand.
Dave Doolin
· 11 months ago
There is a compelling business case for being who you are.
In a nutshell, if being who you are isn't working, you know what to change. You can test yourself against your audience.
For example: I think I'm smart, but nobody reads my blog. Either it's boring, not informative or invisible. Or maybe all three. So "smart" isn't enough.
But negative results are still results, and being myself gives me a strong base to work from.
Tajdar O. Chaudry
· 11 months ago
Very Insightful Chris, and I concur 100%. Not only does "being yourself" allow you a consistency in form and function, but it also helps to effortlessly build and maintain your own personal brand. Conflicting persona's can often lead to a deterioration of both, ones personal character, and the respect and light in which your colleagues view you, not to mention that it gets insanely hard after a certain period of time. I'm pretty sure you're familiar with Daniel Schawbel and his personal branding blog, which I feel like I am becoming an evangelist for as each day passes but it all boils down to being yourself and highlighting the uniqueness of your character (albeit within acceptable norms, not necessarily societal) as your greatest strength.
Tajdar O. Chaudry
Susan Payton, The Marketing Eg
· 11 months ago
Chris-- You tried to tell me this at BlogWorld. I don't know why for most people it is, but it IS hard to be your true self, especially after working for someone else for years and kowtowing to get the job, get the raise, stay in the game. Working for myself I don't have anyone to answer to but myself, but yet it's still hard to just let loose. The best I can do is wear sandals because I don't have an open toe policy for myself!
Anyway, I'm going to check out that book you mentioned. Expect to see me in full form next time you see me.
Susan Mazza
· 11 months ago
I think we can BOTH be ourselves AND be responsible for our audience in what we say and what we do at the same time. To curse or not, for example, for me is about choosing the words to use, not a choice regarding whether I am being myself or not.
It takes far more courage to be yourself in all domains of your life than it does to fit in. Yet it's a personal choice with personal consequences. There are costs and benefits to fitting in and there are costs and benefits to being yourself in every situation. Although somehow I don't think we can contribute the best of what we have to offer until we have the courage to be who we are wherever we are. So if we want to be our best and do our best work do we really have a choice?
ellenfeinberg
· 11 months ago
I find this very encouraging as I search for who I am on-line and realize I'm the same person as I am every day. I found myself searching for ways to come across in a media different then I'm use to living in and maybe that is where the confusion begins. But I think it's just about being yourself, giving what you have to those who might want it and accepting from others what you need or want.
I also think it's about being Honest. And those who are not - well it shines through so clearly it's not even an issue.
Anyhow, thanks for your emails. You are one of the few that I always open and take a peek, because I often get something out of them.
Ellen
Young Che
· 11 months ago
Chris I want to thank you for constantly posting thoughtful content on your blog. I'm celebrating my 1 year anniversary today and I'm still finding my "voice." Keep up the great work.
Dotti Berry
· 11 months ago
Thanks, Chris. I just "happened upon" your blog, and really like your video. Each of us has the opportunity to speak with our authentic voice every day. Not doing so literally sucks the life energy out of us. I twittered about your video...I took a year long journey across the US in 2005/06 based on being authentic. Our intention was to engage hearts and minds, create authentic connections and transcend differences that separate us. I have found that when I dare to speak authentically, I open up a whole new space into which others can grow. Living and speaking authentically works in all relationships, whether business or personal. People like connecting with others who are the "real deal." Good for you!
Kevin Boon
· 10 months ago
I like this post because it is very true. We tend to put on a false personality in the corporate and business worlds... Thanks Chris. Kevin
Mary Cullen
· 10 months ago
I've been thinking about this for a few days, Chris. I agree 100% that our persona needs to be truthful and authentic. That's real and then there's no need disassemble in different situations. But, I think we need to bring our authenticity to a meeting point with our audience. It's the *intersection* of the communication that matters, not what we, or they, put out.
So, if you're in a meeting with senior, formal business people, don't call them "dude." (Happened today at a meeting I attended and I saw people visibly cringe.) Don't swear if it would offend a particular audience, because if they shut down their receptivity because they've been put off, they'll never hear a core great message. I'm not advocating self-censorship. I'm advocating bringing our own authentic selves to a mutual meeting place with our audience.
Nannette Saunders
· 10 months ago
Chris I have tried to curb "me" so that I fit in to my audience or wherever. I hate myself when I do that. I really prohibits me from being able to give passionately to my clients and it even penetrates into my family life. I just have to give into myself and quit trying to find people who like me and allow people who like me to find me. It is much easier that way.
Erika Owens
· 10 months ago
Technically, if you are being anything BUT your true self you are essentially playing a role. Many of us don't realize it but we adopt whatever role goes with a particular situation. For example, speaking to your boss vs. another co-worker, the list goes on.
Leslie
· 10 months ago
I responded to this at my blog, because this is a topic that I have been ruminating a lot, too. http://alwaystravelling.wordpress.com/2009/02/0... I would post my full response here but it's pretty long.
Essentially, I tend to write with my true voice on my blog, because it's my blog and if there is one place I feel I should have full expression, it is there. Doesn't mean that it's not in the back of my head that employers check there. And there are some things that I used to write about that I don't anymore because I know friends are reading and I don't really want them to know certain things about me.
It's funny, i always start a blog anonymously but become really excited about it as I continue to add to it. I start to tell people about it and then I become self-conscious and I feel it's not nearly as honest and raw. I tend to boil down the content to a PG rating.
Peter Simmons
· 10 months ago
I don't care about a little swearing chris. But don't call this 'authentic'. You make a sexist aside about 'moms' finding you offensive and, rather than start the shoot again, you add 'some dads as well'. An 'authentic sexist' would hold the qualification. You're just sexist.
All Comments
I've known too many people where they are uptight in the office because they're supposed to be professional and wear the perfect shirt and say the right things BUT get them out for a drink and they are a totally different person. Why? Because society has taught them that they need to separate those lives and should be two different people. Like you mention though, if you're always the same person then you never have to worry.
to I think. Makes it authentic. However, writing for clients means I need to be on message and in the voice of that specific exec. That's a much bigger challenge I think.
Thanks for being both entertaining and profound at the same time. I'm glad you're you, and that you speak and write without changing anything. Authentic = Good.
Not only is it a bad idea to not be yourself, but I also don't really think it is sustainable and you will eventually lose your purpose and direction.
Many people shape their perceptions through their own moral or ethical standards or from the experiences they have had regarding business ethics. Think of comedy, you have conservative comedians who appeal to the conservative crowd and you have edgy comedians who appeal to the crowd that enjoy a more relaxed and adult standard.
Some people try to please the crowd they face while others hold true to their own defined style. You are a business man and it's up to you how you want to conduct business. You make the choice do you want your style determined by others or do you want to to be self determined.
Either way you will have an eager crowd if your content has value!
I'm who I am all the time. Sometimes I stop and wonder if I should put on the act, as if somehow that would help me advance, or even to get a job.
In the end, I am me, and if there's not a good fit between "me" and "them" then it wasn't meant to be.
Very "down to earth" approach....
@bookerx3
If you don't think your a freakin' rock star and an awesome badass then why is anyone else ever going to believe that you are? You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. So keep rocking and working harder than everyone else and then you don't have to defend your ways because actions speak louder than words.
Thanks
I agree, we have to be true to ourselves - no pretenses. "Our own voice" is our own asset. It's good business sense to be true to ourselves.
Aloha!
Liza
There once was a lad from Pawtucket
who now had to rhyme with suck it
but he did not dare
as he did not swear
so he found a way to duck it
Thanks for you being you!
stepping out into authenticity/transparency is THE calling right now. For a lot of my folks (new entrepreneurs and first year college/grad students), the FIRST times are key: first time you try something new(on any level) as YOURSELF is a doozy for many. I can completely relate--even though I mentor/consult with folks, I still have some Dyana limbs to climb out on. The most recent was putting up a youtube channel and adding more than my art videos--I set a week of accountability on doing short pieces on what my clients/students really needed THAT week. Thanks to David Eckoff (my accountability partner for the week), I DID it--got on camera AS IS and just did my thing. And:
IT FEELS GREAT!
Being truly me is so much easier than being what I thought I should be/act/dress/whatever.
Thanks for calling on (expecting, demanding) us to be who we are. Okay, everybody: live your passions in your YOU costume, today!
You've hit on my primary soapbox issue when talking to people about the use of Social Media in a business context. The problem -- well, my problem -- with "traditional" marketing communication is that it's so obviously fluffy and phoney and too often absent any signs of life. Yet in my experience so many marketing people seem to think that the audience will suck that up. That's one aspect.
Another is the idea that businesses don't communicate, people communicate. The use of Social Media makes old-school faceless, sanitized, "official" communication obsolete. This is the age of technologically extended personal connection to a global personal network. In that network the lines between business interests and personal interests is very blurry indeed. And that's as it should be. As individuals our professional and personal lives are inextricably intertwined.
In that environment, can a business survive if it continues to engage with customers, partners, suppliers, or employees as a single monolithic entity? I think not. A business is a collection of individual people, a kind of techno-organic network -- a network within the larger global network. The use of Social Media allows individuals within one network to engage with individuals in other networks on a more personal, and thereby more effective level.
As individuals we are all nodes on that overarching global network. Social Media tools allow us to create and manage our own connections. This is a cataclysmic change in the business environment, but it's a cataclysm that businesses can survive if they learn to unleash -- and trust -- the individual voices within.
In order to be effective, those individual voices must reflect the legitimate passions, interests, and expertise of the individual, rather than spewing out the same tired old monolithic marketing message. Every time I see a press release disguised as a blog post I want to stab myself in the brain with a pencil.
And that brings us back to your excellent point about the importantance of the legitimate, real, individual voice. With a little luck and a lot of enthusiasm Social Media can finally drive a stake through the heart of the monolithic business-speak and marketing fluff that gets in the way of the more valuable personal connection businesses of all sizes must make with customers and the other roles that are essential to the business.
I have a deal worked out with some of the moms who follow me on Twitter. Instead of tossing rocks at me for being irreverent, they've agreed to throw cupcakes.
I like the two-video concept. It'd be interesting to track the clicks on the first vs. second video. Very telling stuff.
in my first conference 3 years ago about how to plan and organize an event, for the NDU (Notre Dame University) students, I felt a bit of distracted, didn't know what to wear or how to present, while My power point was so perfect and the subject was something I know very good. The first minutes, I felt like am not comfortable like i need water, words not going out, afraid from my English accent, and other factors, than I was like NO, this has to end and I should go ahead, so simply I was myself back again did a nice presentation for the next 25 minutes, had a nice Q&A session.
Back home, after 2 days got the DVD watched myself and I was like, WTF is that my voice, didn't know my voice was that ugly, watched the movie like 10 times and said to myself, "can do nothing, except keep on giving nice presentations like that one".
I agree with you Chris, a person has to be hiself whether in business or anywhere, otherwise he will forget which person he was the next time.
Cheers!
Jean
My lesson was that you might have to let people see more of your good side before you unleash yourself 100%.
this is what i 'read' when interpreting the way you talk what you say: hey, guys, maybe i swear from time to time, but this is inocent, more like an automatism than a proper intention of expressing anger; don't judge me by this and reject me as i never have the intention of being rude'
and this takes me to this question: in business are you allowed to be too much yourself or is wiser just to spice up with fine details a portrait generally accepted by customers? is it sane for an average business (which is not based on performing arts and creativity) to bring on too much a of a real you and less a 'constructed' you-[a constructed you to which your customer does not react with the 'flight' response]?
i personally couldn't find yet the answer.
cheers, mia
http://toughsledding.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/f...
I love that you are authentic. Even when I met you in person you were 1,000,000% the same as you are in these videos, and as Cuba Gooding Jr. said to Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire "I Dig That About You!!!"
Too, we have different social expressions of ourselves. For authentic people it isn't always about being untrue to who you are ( although we have inner conversations about that) but like Shrek, we have layers, some of which we keep for different levels of intimacy. Business is not a high level of intimacy for most of us, although the internet blurs the edges. so maybe we don't have to remind ourselves of *who* we are so much as *where we are*.
Some people would argue with my honesty in this, but not all uncensored expression is necessarily honesty. And wrapped around all this is the fact that we ought to cut each other a little slack. We have emotions, we react. No one wants to be or be around cardboard figures of people. That gets old!
My site, www.stressfreedesign.com, is very teal and pink - my colors - and I guess it looks "girlie" so, in an effort to make males more comfortable, I've created www.veronikafreeman.com - with forest and olive greens and a different background. A male subcontractor of mine thinks I should use that "manly site" for everyone - but I think not. I like my dots and happy picture and fun fonts - it's me! The women I work with love it and expect to see those colors on my marketing materials...
I'd welcome anyone's opinion! I feel like I'm in line with what Chris is saying - feel free to agree or disagree!
Veronika, design therapist, dotcalm
But I love the advice to be who you are, all of who you are. I think there is a positive feedback loop between authenticity and credibility.
The first selp-help book I ever read was "I Ain't Much, Baby, But I'm All I Got." It was kinda cheesy, but the message took me through a difficult time (1975!) and has stayed with me since. I underscore it in my article "Authentic Success: Your Ordinary Self Is Good Enough" - http://tinyurl.com/Ordinary-Self
Warning: It's not business oriented. It's just about taking what life gives you and using it to the max!
Thanks for the vids!
Authenticity does come down to self esteem and self confidence. You need to have both or you will allow yourself to be pulled in all directions to the extent that you put on a different face for everybody. I almost fell into this trap, as I had serveral different individuals and organizations telling me I needed to change the way I was acting to fit into their group, when all I was doing was being my authentic self.
My association with them didn't last long. I decided I would have one persona -- me (hey, how about that!). This way I don't have to remember who I'm supposed to be at any given time! I can now lay my head on my pillow at night, knowing that I have integrity (yeah, I'm integrated!) and knowing I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not.
This will bring on detractors, but who cares. I figure, if I'm being the best me I can be -- a kind individual who contributes to society, then its not important if someone, for a silly reason, won't allow me to "belong to their club," or won't give me their businees. I'll find another club, or find a client that fits. Why would I want to belong to their club anyway?
Being your authentic self in all your associations, across the board, is sometimes scary. It's a risk! You need to have self esteem and know why you like yourself, because you need to be ready to be rejected by some, and you need to be able to tell yourself "I'm okay."
So rememember -- be yourself -- if a few don't appreciate you, so what? You'll find many others who will appreciate you, for being confident and having a unique voice. And then again, even if they don't, so what? You'll be able to lay your head down on the pillow at night knowing YOU like YOU.
krissy knox :)
Follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/iamkrissy
I've had a personal and a professional blog, and they've been unmistakeably merging and becoming one over time. I just posted a video response that talks about how that's been.
(Cliff Notes Version: It's been good.)
Awareness of others, paying attention to their needs, and responding to their needs in a considerate way, is part of civil community. It is not a threat to freedom of expression. Individual rights in an egalitarian, democratic society requires self-control otherwise we may see government laws to close the gap. (e.g. The Hand Up Act, Microsoft’s patent application for a digital manners policy- a technology to restrict cell phone transmission for example in a movie theatre, U.S. patent No. 7437290 a technology that lets a company bleep out words in an audio stream that match a list of predefined bad words.)
Ironically, the very desire of freedom of self-expression will be lost if one cannot balance self-expression with self-restraint.
might be a pov
But you're not wrong.
And yet.
Bottom line: if you're not prepared to hear the truth, don't ask me the question. Makes life simple, doesn't it?
Linda M. Lopeke
The SMARTSTART Coach
As always, thanks for the sage advice.
You know I love you to bits, but not everyone has the luxury of being "themselves".
Pardon my rudeness and blatant plug, but I wrote about this very topic a few days back (did you read my post and disagree so much you recorded your answer???) ;-)
http://dannybrown.me/2009/01/22/whats-your-voice/
Keep strong and speak soon,
D. :)
It is all too easy to fit in with everyone else, never rock the boat and do exactly as others expect. This is a great strategy if you are trying to make sure you don't get fired, or lose that contract... But you become mediocre - you can never become exceptional, because you are exactly the same as everybody else.
ps. I love the video posts, they convey your passion much more effectively ;-)
Jon Ray - I think the hardest thing to do is to be completely honest with yourself
I appreciate your statement. Here is my own experience re:authenticity:
At 20, didn't know how to define it 'cause didn't know who I was-played around with all sorts of different "personalities" to see which one people related to the most-had to do this all the time growing up as different personalities at different times got me the love I needed from parents.
At 30, FELT I was creative, but didn't KNOW I was-would not charge for my work!
At 36, KNEW I was creative, but not THINKING about word "authenticity" "integrity". Tied up in wrong marriage.
At 43-KNEW I was not being authentic to my inner calling., but money kept me from taking action. However, mentally, I started taking complete action on making the changes necessary for integration in my life.
At 45-Left secure job with NO financial backing and NO IDEA of what I was going to do-only knew FOR SURE that I wanted my own business and would do whatever it took to make it successful. Started The Kaleidoscope Partnership. Finally had confidence in my ability to market and sell and figured that whatever I decided to do would benefit from these two skills. Went through five months of trying on different business "skins."
After five months, reality forced me into monetizing what I KNEW other people would pay for (to know how I sold so much furniture using design skills-so I started sales training for furniture retailers), but I KNEW deep down I was still not being authentic to my deepest calling.
Finally, at 51(last year) I was able to make the complete switch into my truest, deepest passion-creatively communicating with people in order to make a difference-whether it's in one person's life, in the life of the furniture industry, or, if given the opportunity, in the world.
And, what I can tell you and anyone reading this is that who I am NOW, finally, is who I really am whether you meet me in person, see me speaking on behalf of the furniture industry, meet me through my volunteer efforts on behalf of Women In The Home Industries Today, read my online or offline columns for furnituretoday.com or Furniture World magazine, follow me on twitter or wherever. I am, at last, fully integrated into myself and completely authentic.
I can speak the truth without fear. I have survived MANY very difficult life transitions(many within the past two years as I have made 5 moves within 2 years, had Dad die, gone through MAJOR client and financial crises, broke off formal engagement last year, and had complete hysterectomy last November-is that enough?)
As you can see, I put it out there and yet, and yet... I am busier than ever in my business life and happier than (almost)ever in my personal life.
But, here is what I know: it can take a LONG TIME for someone to be able to be authentic and transparent- for all the reasons I've shared and many more that I probably don't understand or know.
I am SO grateful to the universe for all the adversity. Somehow I think I was thrown all of these curveballs so I would get the message that you are espousing in this video!
It's a goal to reach for, that's for sure, and, hopefully, those younger than me will be able to get to it faster than I did because of the access to information that exists now vs. when I was growing up.
And, I want to say here that my "agenda" on twitter and on behalf of trying to do a good job for my clients, BiOH.com and yourfurniturelink.com on Twitter is this: If I can show others in the furniture industry how I have helped my clients achieve sales and/or raise brand awareness THEN other people in the furniture industry may be able to grasp the power of the social web and DROP the traditional advertising they are doing which, in turn DROPS hundreds of thousands of dollars to the bottom line and THAT can lead to saving THOUSANDS of JOBS and having the cash flow to re-invest in the technologies that will enable them to survive, compete and transition into a new era of doing business. The furniture industry is a legacy industry. So, by being authentic to my talent as a creative connector and communicator, I can be authentic to my desire to help others, too.
Authenticity=FTW! Thanks, Chris, for the chance to express this. Curiousity is the number one business trait I value and you have it in spades.
I also think when we talk about passion, drive and motivation- these are things we can't fake or contain- they are where we draw our power from, and it's almost impossible to bottle this up inside.
I'm spending this weekend at Educon 2.1- an educational unconference made up of regular folk, but superstars are also here, as just regular folk. Jeff Hahn, who did a great TED talk on the multitouch screen was here, asking educators about how this technology might help them in the classroom- what did they think the implications were for them.
Gary Stager, from the school reform movement, is an amazing guy who just can't contain his passion for kids and teaching, but also for saying stuff like "This is stupid and why we continue to subject kids to this every day is beyond my ability to comprehend." Gary has gotten kids in a prison population in Maine to hand-make guitars- kids who never concentrated on anything in their life spent over 500 handcrafting guitars and now want to take the next step and learn how to play....It's all about authenticity and engagement. It's also about not underestimating other people and talking to them as people, not just an audience for a controlled performance.
There are educators here who are passionate about making schools work for their kids, looking to come away with new ideas and be inspired to become agents of change in their schools- to become the heretics of the "canon" as it stands where they are, and start making education something they can be passionate about so they can make a new generation of students passionate about learning as well.
But it starts here, Chris, with posts like yours, that remind us all how important finding your voice is, and helping others find theirs- in school this means recognizing that kids need to have a meaningful voice that's valued-(and that works for us at home, too, by the way)- in business, it's about being a good listener when others try to express their views and not drowning them out, assuming you know the only true way.
Be yourself, yes. But that is not a license to impose your culture or personality on your audience.
I agree with Chris' notion that we must be authentic. But we also have to consider the impact of that authenticity on our audience, and that some audiences like it more than others. Let's also remember that cuss words morph into common usage. For example, we all know that Chris' blog is the "shit."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=...
To Susan's point, I think a little restraint (i.e., decorum, manners, civility and so on) provides a helpful balance and doesn't necessarily have to sap passion. Study the charts when you're navigating around people and you'll likely stay afloat much longer. Your passion will have a better chance of survival in the long run because you haven't essentially sabotaged yourself by being so full-on "This is who I am so deal with it!" authentic all the time that you lose more friends than you make.
Consider that some of your colleagues and potential clients are being 100% authentic and true to themselves when they become uncomfortable because of something you say or do. That may be an acceptable risk to you. Maybe it's worth it in the long run to take those chances. I get that, too. I'm not a huge fan of modifying my own behavior. For example, I probably use the word 'fuck' more often than I ought (like right then). It all depends on the situation, your goals, whether or not you're a completely banzai mofo with "FTW" tattooed on your forehead, etc.
When I saw myself behaving better with my coworkers than my children, I made a conscious decision to be the same person all the time.
Being yourself saves time, saves energy and in the long run saves face.
People are the same way - it was always fun on the Friday night outings at one job I held too many years ago. You would see a completely different side of people....a WAY different side.
Now I don't read comics much, but Two-Face seems a good match here. Never know who you are or what you are.
You know what ticks me off the most? All the little people that get so hurt because of our differences - different language, different cultures, different history, different customs and different personalities.
Is it me, or does it seem the same people that proclaim "Celebrate Diversity" are generally the same crowd who don't know who they are themselves??? So when someone is true to their voice and is being their own person, it seems highly offensive to that crowd.
Maybe that's why I fail in the world so bad - if I offend someone by being different, I feel they can bug off or get over it....even if I lose the sale....I would rather build on WHO I am and WHAT I am with a good solid foundation rather than who I am NOT and what I am NOT and have my castle wash away because the foundation is so wishy-washy because one pillar was stone and the next sand.
In a nutshell, if being who you are isn't working, you know what to change. You can test yourself against your audience.
For example: I think I'm smart, but nobody reads my blog. Either it's boring, not informative or invisible. Or maybe all three. So "smart" isn't enough.
But negative results are still results, and being myself gives me a strong base to work from.
Tajdar O. Chaudry
You tried to tell me this at BlogWorld. I don't know why for most people it is, but it IS hard to be your true self, especially after working for someone else for years and kowtowing to get the job, get the raise, stay in the game. Working for myself I don't have anyone to answer to but myself, but yet it's still hard to just let loose. The best I can do is wear sandals because I don't have an open toe policy for myself!
Anyway, I'm going to check out that book you mentioned. Expect to see me in full form next time you see me.
It takes far more courage to be yourself in all domains of your life than it does to fit in. Yet it's a personal choice with personal consequences. There are costs and benefits to fitting in and there are costs and benefits to being yourself in every situation. Although somehow I don't think we can contribute the best of what we have to offer until we have the courage to be who we are wherever we are. So if we want to be our best and do our best work do we really have a choice?
I also think it's about being Honest. And those who are not - well it shines through so clearly it's not even an issue.
Anyhow, thanks for your emails. You are one of the few that I always open and take a peek, because I often get something out of them.
Ellen
Kevin
So, if you're in a meeting with senior, formal business people, don't call them "dude." (Happened today at a meeting I attended and I saw people visibly cringe.) Don't swear if it would offend a particular audience, because if they shut down their receptivity because they've been put off, they'll never hear a core great message. I'm not advocating self-censorship. I'm advocating bringing our own authentic selves to a mutual meeting place with our audience.
http://alwaystravelling.wordpress.com/2009/02/0...
I would post my full response here but it's pretty long.
Essentially, I tend to write with my true voice on my blog, because it's my blog and if there is one place I feel I should have full expression, it is there. Doesn't mean that it's not in the back of my head that employers check there. And there are some things that I used to write about that I don't anymore because I know friends are reading and I don't really want them to know certain things about me.
It's funny, i always start a blog anonymously but become really excited about it as I continue to add to it. I start to tell people about it and then I become self-conscious and I feel it's not nearly as honest and raw. I tend to boil down the content to a PG rating.