There can't be enough said about a sincere and heartfelt apology. It goes a long way and unfortunately we don't see it near enough in today's society.
Bully for you.
George
Joe Boughner
· 9 months ago
In my experience (including a year as editor-in-chief of a community newspaper), an apology is never, ever a bad idea, so long as it's sincere and delivered in the right spirit.
If somoene is pissed at you beyond repair then an apology won't make it any worse.
If someone is pissed at you but the relationship is salvagable, a nice apology will get the reconciliation process started.
If somoene is apathetic, a good apology makes you look good.
Sean Wood
· 9 months ago
The best advice I ever got was always make the phone call you're afraid to make. Or in this case, send the e-mail you're afraid to send. People are a lot more forgiving than we like to give them credit for. And if someone yells at you, they yell at you. You move it. (I'm probably wrong) but I doubt anyone has ever been killed after making a sincere and heartfelt apology for a pure and honest mistake.
Sean
frank
· 9 months ago
I got those emails. It's all good man. I appreciate your honesty and humility. Enough said.
This a is a great example of how to communicate well with those you network with. Most people would throw their hands up and just say "Sh*t happens!" but you took responsibility for your mistake and apologized and after that the problem was solved from the sounds of it. This is how more people need to act on the web.
Tiffany Monhollon
· 9 months ago
It made an impact on me, that's for sure.
You treated me with humanity and simple kindness.
In the end, that's what matters. And that's a powerful, priceless message.
Marcus Hamaker - The Sleepy Ge
· 9 months ago
Lead by example Chris. Well done!
Sonny Gill
· 9 months ago
Definitely several times, personal and professional, that mistakes have been made and if you don't man-up and own up to those mistakes, it doesn't show well for your character. Whether you're an executive or an entry-level employee, no matter the mistake, I think you're more respected by showing that class and apologizing vs. just letting that mistake linger and have your colleagues/friends lose a little bit of faith in you.
We never questioned your character but more so business practices and why we got that additional email. The apology letter was very sincere, but we always knew you were a class act ;)
Cara W.
· 9 months ago
I agree with Joe. It is all in the delivery and the sincerity behind it. People can sense what is authentic and what is not, and if an apology is authentic people can usually look past the mistake.
Rob
· 9 months ago
Chris,
This, along with your recent post about the publishers' card inserted into the book, really emphasizes how effective simple thoughtfulness can be and how easy it is to forget that, when it comes down to it, we're just people talking to people--not just audiences, demographics, consumers, and users, but people--and (despite my occasional rant to the contrary) most people are nice and appreciate other nice people.
Jamie Sanford
· 9 months ago
When I saw the first one I imagined that it was a mistake - it didn't occur to me to opt out immediately. The quick email from you with the apology definitely sealed the deal that I would NOT opt out. It does mean a lot - I had an experience a few years back that was similar to yours, and we also received nice responses to the apology email - mostly people saying thank you for apologizing and telling us things like "I love your content" or "Keep up the good work!"
I think apologies are incredibly powerful, but the power diminishes as time moves on from the mistake. The speed of your response was incredible and I think helped the situation greatly.
Perry Hewitt
· 9 months ago
I think apology is a lost art. I cut off a pedestrian I didn't see, and stopped my car to apologize. Her initial first reaction was terror -- we are in Boston, after all! -- but she was genuinely grateful for a human apology for carelessness.
I received the email, and my first thought "database issue" not "deliberate spam" -- in part because our firm's experience with sponsoring your events has been overwhelmingly positive. The apology came across as icing on the cake.
Anna Schibrowsky
· 9 months ago
The heartfelt apology is what should happen, and too often it's missing lately. Everyone hides under their rocks. Even customer service reps.
I think part of your success is admitting you made the mistake. When I've received multiple copies of the same mass email, there's an apology, but the problem is blamed on the software or the server. Well, some person chose that software or that server. Some person should've kept an eye on what it was doing. It's time to bring back personal accountability.
Rich Nadworny
· 9 months ago
Chris,
Good for you. Part of being a mench is to fess up to mistakes quickly and openly. That's where so many brands go wrong.
This post reminds me of something David Pogue wrote last week, a similar error, this time on Twitter, where he sent out something he didn't intend to. And he received a similar response. Check it out at http://cli.gs/zYd8DZ
It must be something going around. Either that or you're moving too fast ;-)
Chip Abernathy
· 9 months ago
Most people respect the fact that we all make mistakes. Things happen. It is how you handle it that makes a difference. I do find it interesting though, when something like this happens and people just can't get over it - after a sincere apology!
You handled your situation the right way.
derekshowerman
· 9 months ago
Chris, if @jowyang has been more sincere in his apology yesterday: http://www.web-strategist.com/blog/2009/03/17/a... He might have been fine today. However, the apology came across as something an upper executive at Forrester would have wrote. It did not appease the folks calling for his heads as evident by the continued responses to my blog asking to give Jeremiah a mulligan: http://derekshowerman.com/2009/03/17/jeremiah-o... Ultimately, take a look at Steroids in baseball. The players that have come clean and apologized have been thrown a mulligan. But it needs to be sincere, and it needs to have full transparency attached to it. People don't believe A-ROD stopped doing steroids after 2003-he lied once to Katie Couric, how can the public believe him now? He needs to come completely clean with details in order to get the pass he may be looking for. Ultimately, apologies work if they are sincere and have a transparent explanation attached to them. The public is too smart these days to allow a half-hearted apology let someone off scott-free.
Dyana Valentine
· 9 months ago
Apologies, thank yous, spontaneous follow-ups: all ways to (re)connect in your own meaningful way. They have something in common; they are optional. They also give a very specific, directed way to express you values--and in your voice. I learned I was growing up (okay, slowly) when I started apologizing more freely--without overdone explanations/rationalizations. I also started accepting apologies more freely and becoming openly curious about why something happened--instead of jumping to the "what a jerk!" conclusion.
I sent someone an email explaining why I was opting out of their feed: I read a comment in a post that I thought was and incredibly derogatory/racist comment. She immediately wrote back, clarified what the comment meant to her then went one further and edited the post. I opted back in and THEN, she followed up two posts later (with me directly) to find out how she was doing. It amazed me how simple, clean the interaction was. Gave me a great example of how to recover gracefully and opened up a whole new way for us to relate.
Perhaps screwing up is an opportunity to connect even deeper than we imagined we could.
André van de Graaf
· 9 months ago
Honesty is mostly always appreciated.
virtualimpax
· 9 months ago
Chris- This just confirms a belief I hold - that people will almost ALWAYS forgive you if you offer a sincere apology. We all make mistakes and most of the time, if we're sincere and PROMPT with our apology - we'll find it is well accepted.
It's when you make a mistake and try to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge (the 5 D's of Dodgeball) that you run into trouble!
Susanimate
· 9 months ago
People need each other to be accountable and cognizant of their actions. Making apologies is the mature and right thing to do. It shows that you have respect. Apologizing is never a bad idea. Even if your apology is not accepted. The jerk that won't accept your apology will still feel better cause you apologized and you will come away feeling better for having done it too. Win Win!
Dawn
· 9 months ago
Yes. Making mistakes and admitting it ... very BIG human behavior all can admire.
So cool.
Fabulous Photo Gifts
· 9 months ago
Hi Chris
It's nothing more than good old fashioned business transparency - that thing that we should all be trying to achieve.
If we make a mistake, we tell people and apologise / explain how we remedy. If we get great feedback or go the extra mile, then we'll shout about that as well.
Well done for 'owning up' - you see... it wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be was it and might have even had a positive outcome as you did remind people you existed.... and you're human.
bgavin
· 9 months ago
This may be putting too fine a point on it, but here goes. I think that being able to say "I made a mistake" is every bit as important as the apology.
derekshowerman
· 9 months ago
Barbara, I agree with that.
jakekarger
· 9 months ago
Years ago, when I was in sales, a consultant had us go through a surprisingly difficult exercise: spend a full 30 seconds apologizing, out loud, for a misdeed. Nobody in our group could do it! That's how little we actually do it and therefore, don't do it well enough. At least not live. Apologies have to be pure: a one-way message of "I am Sorry". Never to be included: excuses or justifications.
Clare
· 9 months ago
I totally agree. If you make a mistake, hold your hand up and take responsibility for sorting it out as soon as you know about it. Many people will appreciate a swift apology and quick action to correct whatever has gone wrong.
Yes, we all make mistakes and it's how you deal with it that makes the difference to how big a mistake it then becomes and how much integrity and credibility you show in dealing with it.
Clare Time Coach - @clareevans
Brady Ferron
· 9 months ago
Without a doubt you did the right thing.
I feel like too many people try and BS the mistake away. That just leaves the recipient thinking - Not only did they screw up but they lied about it too!
As the old rule in politics goes - the coverup is usually worse than the crime.
-Brady
theWeir
· 9 months ago
while I think you can apologise too much (ie when you keep people locked in remembering the past/the mistake) I think the value of a genuine apology can never be underestimated. You can be pretty confident that it's been well crafted (unless it's a flippant "oops, sorry" when a bit more is required).
well done for trying to right the wrong.
Whitney
· 9 months ago
Transparency works. We all mess up, and sorry helps. If you look at the doctors who get in the most trouble and accusations of malpractice, it's those with an arrogant, I can do no wrong attitudes, not the ones who treat their patients as people and end up getting the same treatment in return- people are wonderful, but not perfect. And unfortunately in today's world, accidental "spam" can happen to anyone, and I think we all need to learn to practice a little forgiveness and be a little less reactionary to these small errors.
Steve Cook
· 9 months ago
I've always held the opinion that dealing with a mistake in an honest and open way is one of the best ways to turn a contact into a fan.
I've had situations where dealing with a mistake quickly and efficiently and keeping the client involved has been the very best thing we have done for them.
Ben Bloom
· 9 months ago
Absolutely agree that apologies are powerful tools for shaping relationships. When Clif Bar apologized to me for recalling my bars that had Peanut butter in them, it really raised their stock in my mind- so much I even blogged about it. http://bit.ly/Akxzw
rads
· 9 months ago
A simple word 'sorry' and saying it honestly, truly goes a long distance. Then there are some who act all proud about it..
Lavanna Martin
· 9 months ago
Hi, Chris.
Yep, keep your accounts and your pirate hat clean - that's the best way to get through life :).
Really enjoyed being at your IMBC camp at SXSWi - the reason people easily forgive you is because, you really are nice!
~Lavanna
Kristina
· 9 months ago
An apology is good, as long as it’s sincere and leaves the BS behind. We all make mistakes. It’s best to address the issue and move on. Keep up the great job, Chris!
Rick
· 9 months ago
A swift, timely apology - one that's sincere, well considered, and without the absolute expectation that you're owed forgiveness - is a very humanizing thing. It's a leveler. We all make mistakes sometimes.
But if you make too many mistakes and are constantly apologizing, people will take note.
Cheers Chris.
Kelly Kearney
· 9 months ago
Thanks for sharing Chris. It's amazing how powerful a genuine apology can be. It's also quite difficult for many, especially in leadership roles, to display sincerity and humility when making a mistake. Good stuff.
Barbara Lochen
· 9 months ago
It takes courage to make this move, not knowing exactly how it will be received. But there you are, doing the right thing, offering it up to the universe. Instead of feeling powerless, you've dealt yourself some real power.
One more thought? Lead with the subject line.
:::::Apologies from Sue Smith:::::
@BarbaraLochen
Craig
· 9 months ago
I just had a situation yesterday. A user was using our software and was having major issues, but I did not see all her multiple emails till late in the night, because she is in west coast, and I am in East. So by the time I finally went back to my comp late night to check emails I saw she was frustrated and there was nothing I could do at that point and felt bad.
She left her #, and I sent an apology letter and first thing in morning fixed technical issue for her. I later called in the afternoon to her surprise (she didnt expect a call), and apologized again and explained the situation. She was very impressed with the call and apology and offered if she would like to be first beta tester for new site, and she was excited and told me she would spread the news to others. Made me feel great, and was glad to help her out. An apology can go a long way to keeping users and customers happy.
Tom Webster
· 9 months ago
And here I thought you wanted me to personally sponsor the Inbound Marketing Summit--as in "IMS-SF, Brought To You By Tom Webster." I was debating whether I wanted to be a Platinum, Gold or Mithril sponsor when your second email came.
Hey, we've ALL hit 'send' too early. I've done worse! Thanks for the apology.
KellyTidySongs
· 9 months ago
I think apologizing was definitely the right thing to do even though it was embarrassing. I got an email the other day on a list that I'm on and the user forgot to bcc, easy mistake, but I hate having my email out on an open list. The sender quickly sent out another email(bcc this time) apologizing for the mistake and it made me reconsider opting out of future emails.
Claire Boyles
· 9 months ago
I did something similar last week, not so many numbers... but I forgot to Bcc!!! oops!! i took the semi cowards way out and sent a nice apology to those who emailed me about it- they're the ones that noticed. I didn't want to bring to the attention the other 300 odd people who hadn't noticed that I'd made a mistake!
Definitely agree.. honesty is the best policiy and humble apology and asking for forgiveness is hard to knock back!
Clare
· 9 months ago
Oh, and a useful tip which can prevent some of those 'doh!' moments, is to switch your email settings to delay sending and not to send immediately, as you usually realise a milli-second after you hit 'Send' that you accidentally used the cc field instead of the bcc field, forgot to add the attachment, forgot to include someone or notice a spelling mistake.
CatrinkaS
· 9 months ago
Our culture got us all SO far from sincerity - somewhere along the line, when we replaced "problem" with "challenge" and "opportunity," honesty started getting muddled. Years ago I started noticing that retail workers and mysterious phone people (when you get a live person) almost never say, "I'm sorry -" I think it is the combination of the positive-spin, and the hair-trigger good ol' American fear of litigation.
All of that said, I find apologies - and spoken/written gratitude - go very far. It is far enough from our every day language and interactions, that recipients are almost always grateful.
An honest apology almost never goes wrong. (OK, car accidents and other incidents involving insurance, attorneys, and cops... but otherwise...)
inthistogether
· 9 months ago
Tough being human, ain't it? You get an "A" on that test. Nexxxxxxxttttttttttt!!!!!
Reggie
Jennifer
· 9 months ago
But...you'll probably never do it again! It is good to hear that even experts make mistakes, we are all human. Thanks for the tips! Look forward to reading more.
Susie Blackmon
· 9 months ago
I'm sorry that I stalk you! Spank spank. ;-) [Not really.]
Jodi Kaplan
· 9 months ago
Everybody makes mistakes. If you apologize sincerely, people will forgive you.
A long, long time ago, I brought a FedEx package into the mail room at the company where I was working. I went back to my desk, then realized I'd made a mistake with the package and it had to be corrected (don't remember what it was). So, I went back, told the mail room guy I'd messed up and asked for my package back so I could fix it. He looked at me and said, "Will you marry me?" I guess he wasn't used to management types admitting errors!
MLDina
· 9 months ago
As long as it's not used as a marketing ploy and is genuine, I definitely think you made the right decision. I bet you even picked up a few more fans along the way.
Kevin
· 9 months ago
Chris, The company I currently work for sends out email specials for products on our e-commerce site. On occasion there have been problems with the emails. Emailed to wrong, list, wrong prices, wrong coupon code, you name it. We always sent out an apology email, and EVERY time the response rate and sales on the apology was greater than the response on the original email.
People just seem to appreciate when you fess up to being human.
Maggie
· 9 months ago
Wow! This topic touched a nerve, look at the number of comments.
Apology, and admitting imperfection in general, are aspects of being transparent. Its easy to see why transparency is one of the cornerstone values of sustainable business. We see "green" everything and sustainability in the media daily, and I believe that people's desire for transparency is a huge untapped business opportunity for sustainable competitive advantage - and the response to your blog is a testimonial.
I encourage business leaders to take Chris' lead: apologize and come clean when you screw up!
The mistake I made once was to send out a large email and not bcc the list so everyone's email address was included. I was mortified and immediately sent out an apology. Most people understood but one person took all my email addresses and spammed people. This happened over a year ago and they just spammed the list again two weeks ago. I had to send an email to this person asking them not to spam my friends and people on my list.
Ben Ziegler
· 9 months ago
I agree with your title “the power or apology”. As a professional mediator, I’ve seen how sometimes all that’s needed to resolve litigation is an apology.
Here is a couple of items that you and/or your readers might find interesting…
The first is the news last week that the province of “Ontario has passed legislation that will allow people to say sorry without fear of having it turned against them in court. Under the new rules, apologies can't be used as an admission of fault or liability and won't affect someone's insurance coverage. The governing Liberals say fewer people apologize because they're afraid it could come back to haunt them if they are sued…” Here’s the link to that newswire story titled “‘Sorry’ no longer the hardest word in Ontario”…http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2009/03/11/ontario-apology-legislation.html. Other jurisdictions in Canada (and U.S.?) have recently passed similar legislation.
The second item is that a couple of years ago I attended a workshop dedicated to ‘apologies’, delivered by Janet Bavelas, Professor of Psychology, University of Victoria (BC, Canada). What I remember most about that workshop is the many shades of apology – that there are apologies, and then there are “true” apologies – where the person takes “responsibility for the hurtful act, naming him- or herself as the agent of the offence and describing equally clearly what he or she did”. Anything other than a true apology is what Bavelas calls a ‘non-apology’. ‘Figure 1 – Sympathy vs. Apology’ in the PDF version of her academic document found at http://csrs.uvic.ca/publications/occasional/apo... summarizes the differences between real and non- apologies. The document was published as an analysis of the formal apologies given by Canadian churches for past harms done to aboriginal people.
Annelie Näs
· 9 months ago
I have never been in the situation myself, yet, I have to say! But if I was one of the people receiving the email and later the apology I would absolutely understand. I have seen this happened to me and the senders have acted honest like you and totally shameless by not addressing it. Everybody makes mistakes and everyone know about it! We like the people who faces their mistakes. So when I make the next, I hope people will understand me.
Tex
· 9 months ago
So I was one of the 17,000+ who got the email. And I didn't care one bit. The apology put you farther up the food chain in my book than where you started before you sent the mistake email. Thanks!!
Ross McMinn
· 9 months ago
We had a similar problem several years back. A job advert we were intending to send to a small amount of contacts for them to forward to people they thought might be interested, inadvertently got sent out to a client list. Before we knew what had happened, we had an angry response from one of our clients along the lines of "you're attempting to poach our staff". The job was not in an area that that had any crossover with the roles of our clients but we created an apology email and sent it out to the same databases, apologising for the error and letting them know we in no way intended to try and lure any of their staff.
Apart from the flurry of CV's we'd earlier recieved, once we sent out the apology we got an awful lot of clients emailing and telling us they couldn't believe anyone had complained, letting us know no offence had been taken and more people emailing to let us know they were going to forward it on to people they thought might be interested.
It was clearly wrong for the email to go out to clients and the angry client was fully justified in being annoyed, but it was heartening to get such a positive response from the apology, as you've obviously found Chris.
Unfortunately it was a further 6 months till we filled the vacancy.
Carol Cooper-Taylor
· 9 months ago
Oh yes. Always, always, always admit mistakes like this. In my experience it enhances people's trust in you.
Debrah Dubay
· 9 months ago
Mea Culpa - there isn't anyone who hasn't been on both sides of this problem and hasn't felt exactly the same! Great marketing sense - literally!
azalea
· 9 months ago
saying 'i'm sorry' takes a lot of guts. whether you are the one to blame or not, saying these two words are not as easy as it seems. i find that many are reluctant to apologize as much as complimenting others. especially when the bond shared is very close. it's weird isn't it? it's suppose to be the other way round. the closer you are to that person, the easier would be for you to apologize. ego wins i guess. however, if we use 'i'm sorry' as often as we use 'thank you', what meaning does the former bring? for the two words to function meaningfully, it has to be accompanied with intention. how sincere are we when we say 'i'm sorry'? or, are those merely words? do we have the intention to repeat the wrong actions after the apology? if so, there is no use of apologizing.
LadyOTrout
· 9 months ago
Where is my apology for not being in your "select" list OR the 17K that you did send out? *sigh*
People take your apology because you are sincere- AND you aren't a politician- maybe you should be one and straighten those guys out! So many of us listen to A-Rod, Phelps, endless numbers of politicians and celebrities say "I am sorry." No one believes that anymore. But you are different. I think the apology is good, but I think how people react to "your brand" is even better.
Heather
· 9 months ago
Great article, wonderful food for thought!! Although I do believe deeply in the power of apology, there are several narcissistic people out there that utilize an apology as a sign of weakness.
I feel if this scenario would have happened to anyone else there would not have been as many "its okays" or "it was comical" replies to the letter. Instead the letters would have looked like this:
joe shmo I understand don't let it happen again. plain jane We need to be careful and double check our emails so this type of mistake does not happen!!!!!!
Rob Novak
· 9 months ago
I once made a similar mistake - my entire mailing list received a planned mailing with some bad info in it (a critical conference date in one article was wrong). I followed up with an "OOOOPS!" email, and got several appreciative responses.
Strangely, three times more people opened the second email. Makes me wonder if people like mistakes, or if the subject line was catchy!
Hasn't happened since, thankfully!
leanne
· 9 months ago
It was a classy way to react to the situation, and I remember reading the email and appreciating that you'd taken the time to follow up with such an honest response.
Take care,
- Leanne
Ninja
· 9 months ago
"It is better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission". - Something we say in IT when we reboot the server without a change record. :-) It is my experience that apologizing shows that you are human, like the rest of us, and is very courageous. Furthermore an apology is indisputable and inarguable. No where to go but forward from an apology for both parties.
Josh Hurlock http://twitter.co
· 9 months ago
Chris,
Apologies show responsibility and maturity. Someone who cannot apologize because of possible negative response is also the same person who fears failure. Fear of failure or negative response will not get anyone anywhere. I think, for the most part, if the mistake was not irreparable, then apologies make someone respect one more for the ability to stand up and face the facts.
Keep up the tremendous work.
Jim Gray
· 9 months ago
My wife always says that apologizing just means that you feel bad about what you did. Asking for forgiveness is closer to confession.
Nice job.
Charles Lau
· 9 months ago
Yes I had such situation before in the past. It was so embarrassing to say "sorry" when I wanted to initiate it. But after I have said it, it seems to bring in positive effect instead of what I had expected (which is negative).
I guess everybody knows that this world is not that perfect. Human do make mistakes, but it's all about doing the right things and amending the wrong things.
watch online movies
· 9 months ago
I guess everybody knows that this world is not that perfect. Human do make mistakes, but it’s all about doing the right things and amending the wrong things.
Jean Ghalo
· 9 months ago
simply waw.... impressing.... you always do it right chris even when it is a mistake...
cheers!
aefpix
· 9 months ago
Chris, sincerity is palpable even in and through cyberspace. People respond in kind. Reading this post is a nice way to end my day. Thank you,
Gregor
· 9 months ago
Hi Chris,
of course you did great by apologizing for your mistake. It seems it is important you do this fast, and very, very sincere.
But the main point in you getting only good feedback is probably that you have a very, very positive image for many of your readers. And this is probably because you do a good job, and all your stuff is for free.
In other circumstances you might get more bad feedback EVEN if you apologize. Though apologizing will help there, too.
Cheers from sunny Berlin,
Gregor
DJ Waldow
· 9 months ago
Chad White - one of the most respected writers in the email marketing community - has an entire section dedicated to "Apology Emails" - http://www.retailemailblog.com/search/label/Apo... - I'd say your apology was well played.
dj @djwaldow
Tim Barton
· 9 months ago
Love this Chris! I've done this myself a couple of times and was pleasantly surprised by similar responses. People appreciate honesty and admitting mistakes. We teach this to our clients and they also tell good stories. Great post....
Musings of a Housewife
· 9 months ago
Absolutely. That is the ONLY way to deal with it -- as my dad would say, "Stand up and take it like a man." LOL!! It's painful, but people appreciate it and you probably end up looking better in the end than if the mistake had never happened. Good for you! And thanks for sharing; such great advice and so simple. If more people would just say, "Ooops, my bad. I'm sorry," the world would be such a nicer place.
Becky Blanton
· 9 months ago
Apologies rock! And while I think a followup email was appropriate, I wonder about the hand-wringing and distress over it. I also have serious doubts about the sanity and civility and the pathetic lives of the people who got their panties in a wad over ONE errant email. Get a frigging life. Delete it and go on. If it happens regularly or is a hard sell you weren't expecting, yeah - I can see wondering what the heck was going on. You didn't say WHY the email might have been distressing to the 17,400 other readers, so I can't really address the appropriateness or need for the apology. But it does raise the question about how arrogant many of us are becoming about "permission" marketing - about feeling offended and put upon by every little thing as though the world revolved around us.
I recently received several personal emails from a company that were obviously intended for an in-house person with my same first name. After the third email from the president about a meeting I was supposed to be attending I simply replied - "I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong Becky." It took three emails because the first one was so generic I wondered if it was indeed a conference call (I've been on them before) I had inadvertently agreed to attend. But I didn't froth at the mouth over my inbox being littered with an err.
I think you did the right thing, but some people need to get a life, get off their high-horse and find the delete button once in a while and worry about more important things.
Sommer @greenmom
· 9 months ago
Chris,
I people say they are sorry to often but this isn't the same as apology. The word sorry just comes out of some peoples mouth without any meaning or thought behind it. It isn't genuine. It's exactly why I don't make my kids say sorry. I encourage them to think of what they did, try to make up for it but they need to be genuine when they say "sorry".
My babble has a point, I think you had meaning behind what your note of apology and thus this goes a long way. If you did this every week and sent another "note" saying you were sorry...I wouldn't buy it. Apologies have to be worth their weight in gold and come from a place of meaning. Too many people say it just to get out of trouble or make someone feel better.
It's too bad that one person was negative. It's always best to admit when you've made a mistake and let others know of it. I think you did the right thing. It's an easy mistake to make.
Frank Reed
· 9 months ago
Apologies work because they are the truth. The truth is a good thing and in business the more we work toward the truth, no matter how difficult it is, we will be better off.
All of you parents out there please be sure to instill this in your kids because it may not be as natural as we would like it to be.
John O'Hara
· 9 months ago
it can be very hard to say 'sorry' sometimes and for some people it's a word that they wouldn't ever dream of saying..ever! because then they'd have to admit that they'd made a mistake and that would simply be ridiculous. I'm glad to say that I'm not one of those conceited human beings, it's so much better to say 'sorry' as quickly as you can as long as it's meant with genuine sincerity, people really appreciate that and react accordingly which is evident from the emails you received after you sent out your email to 17,600 people.
I take my hat off to you for doing so and I don't even wear a hat!
Mark Wallace
· 9 months ago
No one or company is perfect. We sent out an important company announcemnet once somehow the name Eileen (I think that was the name) was on every email. We felt terrible, but most people found it funny and brought it to our attention to be helpful.
Like many have said earlier, sincerity goes a long way.....and most of your followers know you are sincere.
Deirdre
· 9 months ago
I think a sincere apology goes a long way. If only one person out of over 17,600 people sent a nasty reply then that's a very good ratio. I believe in the power of those two words, "I'm sorry." It's so much better to own up to an error than to make excuses. I think you are human and that makes me and probably many others want to interact with you!
Rachel Burkot
· 9 months ago
I think an apology goes a long way because fundamentally, it shows that you can admit your mistakes. It is taking a proactive approach and addressing your vulnerability. People do appreciate apologies, even if they don't like to admit it. When most people make a mistake, they're scared to face the same people or to concede that they did anything wrong. The ones who don't forgive apologies are probably the same ones who have trouble apologizing themselves.
Andy Lax
· 9 months ago
Hi Chris,
As there is a liberating feeling with forgiveness, there is also a freeing release when issuing an apology -- at least a sincere one.
I think everyone in business has inadvertently hit an email submit button, sent a message to the wrong party, or even created an email message that did not reflect an intended tone.
I'm so sorry that you experienced distress with your error but I'm glad that a happy ending materialized. Your idea to apologize was the right call as a simple "I'm sorry" has potential "healing powers." :)
Best Regards, Andy Lax
Jamie Lee
· 9 months ago
As honesty is (almost) always the best policy, so "sorry" is often the best balm. I think it's important that the apology be direct, personal, and TIMELY. There's nothing worse than saying "sorry" a day late and a dollar short - really takes the impact out of even the best intention. Kudos to you for nailing it (as usual). ;)
Nikkole Couture
· 9 months ago
Who among us has not felt the heart-gripping fear as you hit send only to realize the recipient (or recipient list!) was not correct? Thanks for sharing this Chris- it's a great end to what could have been a total disaster, and serves as an example of just how far honesty, accountability and transparency can go in marketing.
Best, Nikkole
Meribeth Tyszkiewicz
· 9 months ago
I always think more of someone if they acknowledge their actions and admit when they go awry. How can you fault someone who doesn't avoid tough circumstances.
I know if an e-mail from you showed up in my in box I would never feel like it was spam. I can't imagine that anyone following you would think you would spam them. I truly enjoy your posts each day and am learning quite a bit. Thanks.
coachpalmer
· 9 months ago
Great move Chris. We are all humans after all and what you did was reach out as a human and acknowledged the mistake. This is another reason why I read your blog, you have integrity and it is refreshing.
Cheers,
Michael
David Feinstein
· 9 months ago
Chris...yes I too have made a similar fopah...and then sent out an apology...mistakes do happen and hopefully our "tribe" of friends, followers, subscribers, clients understand and realize they too could one day make a similar mistake. But being "apologetic" is what changes the rhythm because although they may have received the first email and said "I can't believe he sent me this" or "how dumb is this", once they get that email of apology, all previous thoughts dissipate into thin air...and you are still the Leader of the pack...friend, associate or Tribal leader...earning back the place once again in their hearts! Best regards, David
Steve Simmons
· 9 months ago
Nice stunt. What you wouldn't do to create a blog post idea....
J/K
-Steve
kenn krasner
· 9 months ago
Having learned this lesson the hard way myself, I have found that it's almost always better to get out in front of a problem by by addressing it directly though the communicating of your sincere thoughts and feelings than to hide from the problem and let people draw their own (usually wrong) conclusions.
I'm not talking about just lip service like celebrities, who when caught in some heinous or egregious indiscretion, "accept responsibility" with crocodile tears and then sweep it under the rug by going into "rehab".
The communication of your genuine thoughts and feelings without the follow through of further responsible action is no better than hiding in the first place.
Of course, this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary.
Cindi S.
· 9 months ago
I think it's important to apologize when the situation calls for it. We are all human and make mistakes. If someone does not receive your sincere apology with grace, it gives you a good clue into his or her character.
A tip about emails - write your message and subject line, then fill in the to, cc and bcc fields last.
Oxana Trush
· 9 months ago
Chris, thank you for sharing. And thank you for bringing up the topic of apology. I've done some research on apology and that is what I found. People usually expect an apology after: - a reckless action that hurt sombody - negative consequences of something insensitive that someone said or did - an innocent error that was promptly corrected When apologizing for an error, the effectiveness of an apology increases if a person apologizes for an error itself and for a failure to correct it promptly. And, of course, timing matters too. You did the right thing! There are different ways to measure the effectiveness of an apology. I personally find helpful the following models: 1) http://www.taftsolutions.com/theory.html by Lee Taft and 2) http://www.e911.com/expertCommentariesPopup.htm by Jim Lukaszewski If you interested in apology theory, you can get more info in a blog post I did couple of weeks ago:(http://logosinstitute.net/blog/2009/03/11/on-apology/). Once again, thank you for sharing!
We all make mistakes; NOT owning up to them, NOT facing them head on and NOT doing what you can to rectify them is just a series of more mistakes.
Tresha Thorsen
· 9 months ago
YES YES YES! 3 months ago, my gmail was hijacked and all my contacts (nowhere near as many as 17.500 but still) were emailed a VERY heinous dire emergency plea for money...from me, saying I'd been kidnapped and was being held hostage in Western Africa and in order to 'save' me I needed x funds wired to x account. Now anyone who's often on email would have detected the spam like symbols. The language was very formal and yet broken English, the intro was a 'dear sir or madame' and I never speak that way. And further, if I'd been desperate for money, most people know I wouldn't have sent a massive email out. I would have contacted a few who'd be able to get the job done within 24 hours. I felt embarrassed that it happened, concerned for all the emails I received inquiring about my safety, and like a web baffoon for screwing up folks' days this way. Gmail was good in that it restored my inaccessible account (while the spam email went to my contact list, it also froze up my own ability to access my email). I already had set up a 2nd email account attached to my url. So I emailed as many folks as I could based on memory of their email addresses (duh, another lesson learned, I hadn't saved my contacts to my address book). I put a message on facebook giving all a heads up. I dm tweeted all my then contacts on twitter what happened. You actually responded--not sure if you recall--when I inquired if anyone knew how to unfreeze a gmail account. Further, I asked folks who I knew had access to many of my contacts' emails to email me at my new email address and sent personal apologies to over 200 folks. I wrote about it on BlogHer. I posted a post on my blog "What to do if your email is hijacked." Embarrassed? You betcha. But more to the point, I want folks to not make the same mistake.
I'd apologize over and over again if this ever happens again.
Thanks for your post, your admittance on what happened, and the inquiry if this happened to others.
We can all do our best, and then it's comforting to know that when crap happens, there's an understanding community out there with whom we've already established trust.
Be well and til the next fairy meeting! :)
Paul Chaney
· 9 months ago
Been there, done that (more than once), and asked for forgiveness every time. Occasionally, there are those who have nothing better to do than take offense and get huffy-puffy, but for the most part, people are willing to let it slide.
TravisV
· 9 months ago
Sometimes I think the reaction to an apology has more to do with what the recipient thought of you independent of indiscretion (versus the quality of the apology). You probably got that favorable feedback in light of what your audience thought of you overall. If you were a dirtbag, I'm sure the replies to your apology would have had a different tenor.
Lihsa
· 9 months ago
Try that same mistake to a bunch of lawyers. Not so fun.
Nada
· 9 months ago
Hi Chris,
I may have missed it in responses to the comments, and if so, I *apologise*, but can you include the apology - since it's the subject of your post! It would be great to see the successful apology you sent out.
Many thanks Nada
Bart Jawien
· 9 months ago
Mate..
We've all done it ... but like a few have already mentioned - you have to have the balls to apologies ... which in turn gains respect rather then .... people thinking "what a F&#K'ing idiot!!"
Skip Bensley
· 9 months ago
I think sometimes we move so fast trying to do what we need to do that mistakes get made, and yes we are all human. Saying your sorry or oops is appropriate. On the other hand, if calling attention to the mistake in a blog is just another way to keep the original message about the upcoming event floating in cyberspace and tweetland then it falls into the category of things that make you go hmmmm.
studio 623
· 9 months ago
i was promoting two major events in one weekend. one christian rock concert. the other a gala banquet with a couple thousand people coming. the company we were using for email campaigns sent an email re: the rock concert to the gala list. HORRIFIED! we chose to not send an apology as there wasn't any wording in the email that would imply it wasn't intended for them. to our surprise, we had many people interested in attending the concert and thanked us for the invitation. lucky for us, the gala crowd wasn't as stuffy as we feared. still not sure if i would have wanted to send an apology email or not. but i've done that before to my personal blog followers. good discussion.
Liz
· 9 months ago
At the very first PR company I worked as an intern for, they that asked me to send out the same pitch to hundreds of journalists and to just change the name. At the time I had thought that there must be a better way to pitch, but it was my first internship and I so I didn't say anything. In the course of hitting send hundreds of times a day, I missed a one or two emails and forgot to change the name up at the top. The firm said it was fine and that it happens from time to time, but I know better now. No matter what, I will NEVER pitch in that manner ever again. Those are old practices that while they may have worked at some point in time will certainly not work today. I hope the pr firm has changed their practices since then!
Chris Witt
· 9 months ago
Chris,
I'm with you -- apologies make all the difference.
What I hate is pseudo-apologies, the kind that starts "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I did." It's really blaming you for being offended, not sincerely owning up to what the person did.
Thanks for starting the discussion.
JP Holecka
· 9 months ago
I find that brands never want to admit mistakes. The stiff upper lip approach. "We ignore it and it will go away". Well I agree with your approach and think that transparency is important. You are a brand and that mistake could have cost you in trust. By sending the note you were redeemed as a good and responsible brand/citizen. Maybe not by everyone but by most and that's what counts.
Nice work. @jaypiddy
chrisbrogan
· 9 months ago
@Skip - as the post above has no mention of the event or the links specifically, I'd say it's more A than B.
John Kador
· 9 months ago
Well done. Clients and business partners don't expect perfection; they expect professionalism and accountability. This you provided. I appreciate that apology is not easy. Evidence is mounting that apologizing is almost always less costly than the alternatives of denial and defensiveness. I think of apology as giving up our struggle with history. By that I mean, apology allows us to understand the point of view of those we mistreated. That's a powerful place to be, a place from which real humility and learning are possible. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it's thiking of yourself less often. That's really the main power of paology. It puts the emphasis on the mistreated party.
edder
· 9 months ago
I love this and good for you. What spooky timing: just this past weekend I had to sit down and apologize to several people I'd hurt/disappointed. No fun. However, it only reemphasized my faith that people are good and kind and will most likely appreciate the apology when it's heartfelt and sincere.
(If you're interested in reading the steps I took in the article, I titled it "When Life Hands You Lemons Make Lemonade? Uh, no.")
Ann
· 8 months ago
I thought this was great. You never hear of apologies any more. I worked with children for many years and it was against the law to make the children apologize to each other when they hurt one another. I was horrified. To see this training from such a young age, no wonder we have such a remorseless society. A few years ago I had a situation where I was deeply hurt by a friend of mine. I am talking about a major offense. I expressed my concerns several times. Each time she turned the situation back into my lap as if I were in the wrong. And several times, in order to salvage the relationship, I apologized even though I was in the right. In the end I severed the relationship simply because this person's inability to humble herself, and simply apologize for me for her wrongdoing. I HOPED that she would come to her sense and get it. But she didn't. She went her way and I went mine. And even though I've moved on, there is still that little twinge inside sometimes when I think about it. The fact that my pain at her hands was never acknowledged by her and if anything, because she was so prideful, she walked away feeling as though she were wronged and I was the villain. That knowledge really hurts. So I agree with you, an apology, saying "I'm sorry" makes a HUGE difference. The heartfelt apology does miracles. It can cause healing to occur. Great blog.
Molly Peters
· 3 weeks ago
I am brand new to social media and I am handling all of the marketing for a company in Los Angeles (gasp!). I started this job a month ago and just sent a huge email blast to hundreds of clients, forgetting to BCC anyone!
Within minutes of sending the email I got a phone call from a client who was terribly upset I didn't keep her information private. I apologized to her and did my best to calm her down (of course, without ever saying "calm down")
I didn't know what to do! I scrambled to Google to find answers. Thankfully I found you. Once I read what you said it seemed so simple. Of course, apologize to everybody!
You helped guide my nervous shaking hands to the keyboard to write a simple and honest apology. This was all about fifteen minutes ago. So far, no more angry clients!
Thank you for posting this. I'm glad you know how it feels to want to crawl under a rock for the same reasons I do. I will forever turn to your blog for advise! Thank you!!
All Comments
Bully for you.
George
If somoene is pissed at you beyond repair then an apology won't make it any worse.
If someone is pissed at you but the relationship is salvagable, a nice apology will get the reconciliation process started.
If somoene is apathetic, a good apology makes you look good.
(I'm probably wrong) but I doubt anyone has ever been killed after making a sincere and heartfelt apology for a pure and honest mistake.
Sean
http://twitter.com/franswaa
You treated me with humanity and simple kindness.
In the end, that's what matters. And that's a powerful, priceless message.
We never questioned your character but more so business practices and why we got that additional email. The apology letter was very sincere, but we always knew you were a class act ;)
This, along with your recent post about the publishers' card inserted into the book, really emphasizes how effective simple thoughtfulness can be and how easy it is to forget that, when it comes down to it, we're just people talking to people--not just audiences, demographics, consumers, and users, but people--and (despite my occasional rant to the contrary) most people are nice and appreciate other nice people.
I think apologies are incredibly powerful, but the power diminishes as time moves on from the mistake. The speed of your response was incredible and I think helped the situation greatly.
I received the email, and my first thought "database issue" not "deliberate spam" -- in part because our firm's experience with sponsoring your events has been overwhelmingly positive. The apology came across as icing on the cake.
I think part of your success is admitting you made the mistake. When I've received multiple copies of the same mass email, there's an apology, but the problem is blamed on the software or the server. Well, some person chose that software or that server. Some person should've kept an eye on what it was doing. It's time to bring back personal accountability.
Good for you. Part of being a mench is to fess up to mistakes quickly and openly. That's where so many brands go wrong.
This post reminds me of something David Pogue wrote last week, a similar error, this time on Twitter, where he sent out something he didn't intend to. And he received a similar response. Check it out at http://cli.gs/zYd8DZ
It must be something going around. Either that or you're moving too fast ;-)
You handled your situation the right way.
He might have been fine today. However, the apology came across as something an upper executive at Forrester would have wrote. It did not appease the folks calling for his heads as evident by the continued responses to my blog asking to give Jeremiah a mulligan: http://derekshowerman.com/2009/03/17/jeremiah-o... Ultimately, take a look at Steroids in baseball. The players that have come clean and apologized have been thrown a mulligan. But it needs to be sincere, and it needs to have full transparency attached to it. People don't believe A-ROD stopped doing steroids after 2003-he lied once to Katie Couric, how can the public believe him now? He needs to come completely clean with details in order to get the pass he may be looking for. Ultimately, apologies work if they are sincere and have a transparent explanation attached to them. The public is too smart these days to allow a half-hearted apology let someone off scott-free.
I sent someone an email explaining why I was opting out of their feed: I read a comment in a post that I thought was and incredibly derogatory/racist comment. She immediately wrote back, clarified what the comment meant to her then went one further and edited the post. I opted back in and THEN, she followed up two posts later (with me directly) to find out how she was doing. It amazed me how simple, clean the interaction was. Gave me a great example of how to recover gracefully and opened up a whole new way for us to relate.
Perhaps screwing up is an opportunity to connect even deeper than we imagined we could.
It's when you make a mistake and try to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge (the 5 D's of Dodgeball) that you run into trouble!
It shows that you have respect.
Apologizing is never a bad idea. Even if your apology is not accepted.
The jerk that won't accept your apology will still feel better cause you apologized and you will come away feeling better for having done it too. Win Win!
So cool.
It's nothing more than good old fashioned business transparency - that thing that we should all be trying to achieve.
If we make a mistake, we tell people and apologise / explain how we remedy. If we get great feedback or go the extra mile, then we'll shout about that as well.
Well done for 'owning up' - you see... it wasn't as bad as you thought it was going to be was it and might have even had a positive outcome as you did remind people you existed.... and you're human.
I think that being able to say "I made a mistake" is every bit as important as the apology.
Yes, we all make mistakes and it's how you deal with it that makes the difference to how big a mistake it then becomes and how much integrity and credibility you show in dealing with it.
Clare
Time Coach - @clareevans
I feel like too many people try and BS the mistake away. That just leaves the recipient thinking - Not only did they screw up but they lied about it too!
As the old rule in politics goes - the coverup is usually worse than the crime.
-Brady
well done for trying to right the wrong.
And unfortunately in today's world, accidental "spam" can happen to anyone, and I think we all need to learn to practice a little forgiveness and be a little less reactionary to these small errors.
I've had situations where dealing with a mistake quickly and efficiently and keeping the client involved has been the very best thing we have done for them.
Yep, keep your accounts and your pirate hat clean - that's the best way to get through life :).
Really enjoyed being at your IMBC camp at SXSWi - the reason people easily forgive you is because, you really are nice!
~Lavanna
But if you make too many mistakes and are constantly apologizing, people will take note.
Cheers Chris.
One more thought? Lead with the subject line.
:::::Apologies from Sue Smith:::::
@BarbaraLochen
She left her #, and I sent an apology letter and first thing in morning fixed technical issue for her. I later called in the afternoon to her surprise (she didnt expect a call), and apologized again and explained the situation. She was very impressed with the call and apology and offered if she would like to be first beta tester for new site, and she was excited and told me she would spread the news to others. Made me feel great, and was glad to help her out. An apology can go a long way to keeping users and customers happy.
Hey, we've ALL hit 'send' too early. I've done worse! Thanks for the apology.
Definitely agree.. honesty is the best policiy and humble apology and asking for forgiveness is hard to knock back!
All of that said, I find apologies - and spoken/written gratitude - go very far. It is far enough from our every day language and interactions, that recipients are almost always grateful.
An honest apology almost never goes wrong. (OK, car accidents and other incidents involving insurance, attorneys, and cops... but otherwise...)
Nexxxxxxxttttttttttt!!!!!
Reggie
A long, long time ago, I brought a FedEx package into the mail room at the company where I was working. I went back to my desk, then realized I'd made a mistake with the package and it had to be corrected (don't remember what it was). So, I went back, told the mail room guy I'd messed up and asked for my package back so I could fix it. He looked at me and said, "Will you marry me?" I guess he wasn't used to management types admitting errors!
The company I currently work for sends out email specials for products on our e-commerce site. On occasion there have been problems with the emails. Emailed to wrong, list, wrong prices, wrong coupon code, you name it. We always sent out an apology email, and EVERY time the response rate and sales on the apology was greater than the response on the original email.
People just seem to appreciate when you fess up to being human.
Apology, and admitting imperfection in general, are aspects of being transparent. Its easy to see why transparency is one of the cornerstone values of sustainable business. We see "green" everything and sustainability in the media daily, and I believe that people's desire for transparency is a huge untapped business opportunity for sustainable competitive advantage - and the response to your blog is a testimonial.
I encourage business leaders to take Chris' lead: apologize and come clean when you screw up!
Here is a couple of items that you and/or your readers might find interesting…
The first is the news last week that the province of “Ontario has passed legislation that will allow people to say sorry without fear of having it turned against them in court. Under the new rules, apologies can't be used as an admission of fault or liability and won't affect someone's insurance coverage. The governing Liberals say fewer people apologize because they're afraid it could come back to haunt them if they are sued…” Here’s the link to that newswire story titled “‘Sorry’ no longer the hardest word in Ontario”…http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2009/03/11/ontario-apology-legislation.html. Other jurisdictions in Canada (and U.S.?) have recently passed similar legislation.
The second item is that a couple of years ago I attended a workshop dedicated to ‘apologies’, delivered by Janet Bavelas, Professor of Psychology, University of Victoria (BC, Canada). What I remember most about that workshop is the many shades of apology – that there are apologies, and then there are “true” apologies – where the person takes “responsibility for the hurtful act, naming him- or herself as the agent of the offence and describing equally clearly what he or she did”. Anything other than a true apology is what Bavelas calls a ‘non-apology’. ‘Figure 1 – Sympathy vs. Apology’ in the PDF version of her academic document found at http://csrs.uvic.ca/publications/occasional/apo... summarizes the differences between real and non- apologies. The document was published as an analysis of the formal apologies given by Canadian churches for past harms done to aboriginal people.
Thanks!!
Apart from the flurry of CV's we'd earlier recieved, once we sent out the apology we got an awful lot of clients emailing and telling us they couldn't believe anyone had complained, letting us know no offence had been taken and more people emailing to let us know they were going to forward it on to people they thought might be interested.
It was clearly wrong for the email to go out to clients and the angry client was fully justified in being annoyed, but it was heartening to get such a positive response from the apology, as you've obviously found Chris.
Unfortunately it was a further 6 months till we filled the vacancy.
People take your apology because you are sincere- AND you aren't a politician- maybe you should be one and straighten those guys out! So many of us listen to A-Rod, Phelps, endless numbers of politicians and celebrities say "I am sorry." No one believes that anymore. But you are different. I think the apology is good, but I think how people react to "your brand" is even better.
I feel if this scenario would have happened to anyone else there would not have been as many "its okays" or "it was comical" replies to the letter. Instead the letters would have looked like this:
joe shmo I understand don't let it happen again.
plain jane We need to be careful and double check our emails so this type of mistake does not happen!!!!!!
Strangely, three times more people opened the second email. Makes me wonder if people like mistakes, or if the subject line was catchy!
Hasn't happened since, thankfully!
Take care,
- Leanne
Apologies show responsibility and maturity. Someone who cannot apologize because of possible negative response is also the same person who fears failure. Fear of failure or negative response will not get anyone anywhere. I think, for the most part, if the mistake was not irreparable, then apologies make someone respect one more for the ability to stand up and face the facts.
Keep up the tremendous work.
Nice job.
I guess everybody knows that this world is not that perfect. Human do make mistakes, but it's all about doing the right things and amending the wrong things.
cheers!
of course you did great by apologizing for your mistake. It seems it is important you do this fast, and very, very sincere.
But the main point in you getting only good feedback is probably that you have a very, very positive image for many of your readers. And this is probably because you do a good job, and all your stuff is for free.
In other circumstances you might get more bad feedback EVEN if you apologize. Though apologizing will help there, too.
Cheers from sunny Berlin,
Gregor
dj
@djwaldow
I recently received several personal emails from a company that were obviously intended for an in-house person with my same first name. After the third email from the president about a meeting I was supposed to be attending I simply replied - "I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong Becky." It took three emails because the first one was so generic I wondered if it was indeed a conference call (I've been on them before) I had inadvertently agreed to attend. But I didn't froth at the mouth over my inbox being littered with an err.
I think you did the right thing, but some people need to get a life, get off their high-horse and find the delete button once in a while and worry about more important things.
I people say they are sorry to often but this isn't the same as apology. The word sorry just comes out of some peoples mouth without any meaning or thought behind it. It isn't genuine. It's exactly why I don't make my kids say sorry. I encourage them to think of what they did, try to make up for it but they need to be genuine when they say "sorry".
My babble has a point, I think you had meaning behind what your note of apology and thus this goes a long way. If you did this every week and sent another "note" saying you were sorry...I wouldn't buy it. Apologies have to be worth their weight in gold and come from a place of meaning. Too many people say it just to get out of trouble or make someone feel better.
It's too bad that one person was negative. It's always best to admit when you've made a mistake and let others know of it. I think you did the right thing. It's an easy mistake to make.
All of you parents out there please be sure to instill this in your kids because it may not be as natural as we would like it to be.
I take my hat off to you for doing so and I don't even wear a hat!
Like many have said earlier, sincerity goes a long way.....and most of your followers know you are sincere.
As there is a liberating feeling with forgiveness, there is also a freeing release when issuing an apology -- at least a sincere one.
I think everyone in business has inadvertently hit an email submit button, sent a message to the wrong party, or even created an email message that did not reflect an intended tone.
I'm so sorry that you experienced distress with your error but I'm glad that a happy ending materialized. Your idea to apologize was the right call as a simple "I'm sorry" has potential "healing powers." :)
Best Regards,
Andy Lax
;)
Best,
Nikkole
I know if an e-mail from you showed up in my in box I would never feel like it was spam. I can't imagine that anyone following you would think you would spam them. I truly enjoy your posts each day and am learning quite a bit. Thanks.
Cheers,
Michael
But being "apologetic" is what changes the rhythm because although they may have received the first email and said "I can't believe he sent me this" or "how dumb is this", once they get that email of apology, all previous thoughts dissipate into thin air...and you are still the Leader of the pack...friend, associate or Tribal leader...earning back the place once again in their hearts!
Best regards, David
J/K
-Steve
I'm not talking about just lip service like celebrities, who when caught in some heinous or egregious indiscretion, "accept responsibility" with crocodile tears and then sweep it under the rug by going into "rehab".
The communication of your genuine thoughts and feelings without the follow through of further responsible action is no better than hiding in the first place.
Of course, this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary.
A tip about emails - write your message and subject line, then fill in the to, cc and bcc fields last.
And thank you for bringing up the topic of apology.
I've done some research on apology and that is what I found.
People usually expect an apology after:
- a reckless action that hurt sombody
- negative consequences of something insensitive that someone said or did
- an innocent error that was promptly corrected
When apologizing for an error, the effectiveness of an apology increases if a person apologizes for an error itself and for a failure to correct it promptly. And, of course, timing matters too. You did the right thing!
There are different ways to measure the effectiveness of an apology. I personally find helpful the following models: 1) http://www.taftsolutions.com/theory.html by Lee Taft and 2) http://www.e911.com/expertCommentariesPopup.htm by Jim Lukaszewski
If you interested in apology theory, you can get more info in a blog post I did couple of weeks ago:(http://logosinstitute.net/blog/2009/03/11/on-apology/).
Once again, thank you for sharing!
We all make mistakes; NOT owning up to them, NOT facing them head on and NOT doing what you can to rectify them is just a series of more mistakes.
3 months ago, my gmail was hijacked and all my contacts (nowhere near as many as 17.500 but still) were emailed a VERY heinous dire emergency plea for money...from me, saying I'd been kidnapped and was being held hostage in Western Africa and in order to 'save' me I needed x funds wired to x account.
Now anyone who's often on email would have detected the spam like symbols. The language was very formal and yet broken English, the intro was a 'dear sir or madame' and I never speak that way. And further, if I'd been desperate for money, most people know I wouldn't have sent a massive email out. I would have contacted a few who'd be able to get the job done within 24 hours. I felt embarrassed that it happened, concerned for all the emails I received inquiring about my safety, and like a web baffoon for screwing up folks' days this way.
Gmail was good in that it restored my inaccessible account (while the spam email went to my contact list, it also froze up my own ability to access my email).
I already had set up a 2nd email account attached to my url. So I emailed as many folks as I could based on memory of their email addresses (duh, another lesson learned, I hadn't saved my contacts to my address book).
I put a message on facebook giving all a heads up.
I dm tweeted all my then contacts on twitter what happened. You actually responded--not sure if you recall--when I inquired if anyone knew how to unfreeze a gmail account.
Further, I asked folks who I knew had access to many of my contacts' emails to email me at my new email address and sent personal apologies to over 200 folks.
I wrote about it on BlogHer.
I posted a post on my blog "What to do if your email is hijacked."
Embarrassed?
You betcha.
But more to the point, I want folks to not make the same mistake.
I'd apologize over and over again if this ever happens again.
Thanks for your post, your admittance on what happened, and the inquiry if this happened to others.
We can all do our best, and then it's comforting to know that when crap happens, there's an understanding community out there with whom we've already established trust.
Be well and til the next fairy meeting! :)
I may have missed it in responses to the comments, and if so, I *apologise*, but can you include the apology - since it's the subject of your post! It would be great to see the successful apology you sent out.
Many thanks
Nada
We've all done it ... but like a few have already mentioned - you have to have the balls to apologies ... which in turn gains respect rather then .... people thinking "what a F&#K'ing idiot!!"
I'm with you -- apologies make all the difference.
What I hate is pseudo-apologies, the kind that starts "I'm sorry if you were offended by what I did." It's really blaming you for being offended, not sincerely owning up to what the person did.
Thanks for starting the discussion.
Nice work.
@jaypiddy
(If you're interested in reading the steps I took in the article, I titled it "When Life Hands You Lemons Make Lemonade? Uh, no.")
A few years ago I had a situation where I was deeply hurt by a friend of mine. I am talking about a major offense. I expressed my concerns several times. Each time she turned the situation back into my lap as if I were in the wrong. And several times, in order to salvage the relationship, I apologized even though I was in the right. In the end I severed the relationship simply because this person's inability to humble herself, and simply apologize for me for her wrongdoing. I HOPED that she would come to her sense and get it. But she didn't. She went her way and I went mine. And even though I've moved on, there is still that little twinge inside sometimes when I think about it. The fact that my pain at her hands was never acknowledged by her and if anything, because she was so prideful, she walked away feeling as though she were wronged and I was the villain. That knowledge really hurts. So I agree with you, an apology, saying "I'm sorry" makes a HUGE difference. The heartfelt apology does miracles. It can cause healing to occur.
Great blog.
Within minutes of sending the email I got a phone call from a client who was terribly upset I didn't keep her information private. I apologized to her and did my best to calm her down (of course, without ever saying "calm down")
I didn't know what to do! I scrambled to Google to find answers. Thankfully I found you. Once I read what you said it seemed so simple. Of course, apologize to everybody!
You helped guide my nervous shaking hands to the keyboard to write a simple and honest apology. This was all about fifteen minutes ago. So far, no more angry clients!
Thank you for posting this. I'm glad you know how it feels to want to crawl under a rock for the same reasons I do. I will forever turn to your blog for advise! Thank you!!