chrisbrogan.com - Latest Comments in The Mirror Game

Re: The Mirror Game

MandyStepheny — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 04:13:03 -0000

It is a really funny game!

Re: The Mirror Game

The Writer Mama — Sat, 09 May 2009 01:05:19 -0000

Oh, this is very profound. I have to comment on this but I'm not sure I can be nearly as profound at bedtime. Suffice it to say that I appreciate that you shared this. (And you're picture is kinda spooky here, but I think you did that on purpose.)

Re: The Mirror Game

AliSwi — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:45:23 -0000

I believe it’s definitely easier to let things roll off your back when you know someone is just being a critic for the sake of being critical. It’s more difficult to overlook critical opinions when they are directed at areas where you are not so confident or secure. We definitely live and operate businesses in a world where we it’s very easy for people publicly criticize. Thus it’s clearly important to be able to discern between criticisms that you can use to better yourself versus malicious criticism.

Re: The Mirror Game

conviojames — Tue, 05 May 2009 10:17:07 -0000

Good post, Chris. I worry about this with my kids all of the time. My son is a pleaser, and he takes to heart whatever anyone says. I have tried to build him up and make him see that his ideas and his opinions are important to, and they need to be the standard to beat before changing. Any advice on how to do this more effectively?

Re: The Mirror Game

atul chatterjee — Sat, 02 May 2009 04:27:12 -0000

What you have written is not new, but it certainly acts as a reminder. It brings one back to social realities. Thanks for this post

Re: The Mirror Game

Sire — Sat, 02 May 2009 03:09:32 -0000

The worst thing a person can do is to take another persons criticism to heart. the main reason for this is that not every comment one person makes about another is for their benefit. Sometimes it could be made out of jealousy, cruelty, self gratification or whatever. What is important it a persons own self worth.

Re: The Mirror Game

pamslim — Sat, 02 May 2009 01:23:15 -0000

This is a great topic, and a challenging issue. I used to be deeply affected by criticism and spend three days treating my wounds if someone dug into me.

Then I read "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz and it really helped. The part that really jumped out was that people's behavior (or words) really have nothing to do with you. It has to do with them, and their perception of the world. There is more to the book than I can summarize in a comment, but it really helped me.

It is a good train or bathtub read. :)

Knowing and trusting yourself is truly the only way. Otherwise your writing shrinks up as you try to dodge bullets and your muse runs away with the spoon.

Write on!

Re: The Mirror Game

Kelly Shibari — Sat, 02 May 2009 01:10:02 -0000

Absolutely. I've always thought (and tried to teach to others) that more often than not, openly negative criticism says more about the criticiser than the criticisee. Their insecurities, their jealousies, and their own lack of self-respect makes them more apt to loudly and blatantly point out the fault or inadequacies in others - all while trying desperately to divert attention away from their own shortcomings.

Being able to rise above it and stick to your guns allows you not only to be a better person but a happier person as well.

More eloquently put, "Haterz, man." ROFL ;)

Re: The Mirror Game

Jenifer Olson — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:05:05 -0000

Good thoughts, Chris.

I find it ironic the most sensitive souls among us are often the most expressive,
thus inadvertently 'inviting' the very criticism and negative input from which they (we) recoil.
Sensitive individuals probably don't receive more any more criticism than anyone else, but
do have soft hearts where barbs and nasty comments can wound ever so deeply.

All I can really say about self-esteem is that some days are better than others. They just are. And for days when my self-esteem seems to be waning, I try to think of those better moments in my life.

I love the story about the teacher who asked class members to write down positive statements about each other - for each other - as a prelude to graduation. Many students carried those slips of papers with them throughout their lives to always remind themselves of their value and worth.

If I were you, I would consider this column and these comments your slips of paper. :-)

Thanks for being you - @jenajean

Re: The Mirror Game

BillGrey — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:11:14 -0000

This whole issue of self esteem / commitment seems to come up in my face so often these days. I've had a reasonably successful career. Relaxed lifestyle, great clients, work at home for most of my career. I hold my own pretty well. But there's another level at which we can have a far greater effect on the world (if that's what we wish)....and it requires a certain abandon.... an over-the-top commitment to your vision that I have yet to let loose. You have put this in my face for another look, Chris. I have to say I'm amazed at the energy you have to put behind all of this. Boggles my mind. Please keep putting it out there fearlessly (or.... almost fearlessly, anyway)

Re: The Mirror Game

Tamsen Webster (@tamadear) — Fri, 01 May 2009 16:19:49 -0000

I've always found it helpful to think of feedback in terms of *two* mirrors, one internal (how we see ourselves) and one external (what the world reflects back to us). Danger lies, as you so eloquently point out, in paying more attention to one than the other--particularly because each mirror has its flaws.

The internal mirror, like a magnifying mirror, shows us ourselves in great detail--but the image quickly distorts. Too close, and you see yourself as a sideshow freak; too far away, and you lose a sense of yourself entirely. It's easy to get fixated on what we like or don't like. The external mirror forgoes details for a broader picture, so it's easy to miss subtleties like the motivations for the feedback coming to you.

The trick is to keep our perspectives in balance, and to use each mirror to check what we see in the other.

Tamsen (@tamadear)

Re: The Mirror Game

Joe Lima — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:47:09 -0000

Insightful as always. I find this to be a constant and never ending challenge, to not let the crowd be the mirror. Some days are better than others. It makes life interesting.
Thanks,
Joe

Re: The Mirror Game

Chris Brogan — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:38:43 -0000

In ways, the source matters, but in other ways, not at all. I dislike harsh words from friends and foes alike.

Re: The Mirror Game

martyglover — Fri, 01 May 2009 14:07:10 -0000

This an interestingly introspective post. As a great fan, I wonder how much it matters what your view of the person offering the criticism might be. I tend to deal with both approval and disapproval from most sources with relative ease, or to put it another way, most peoples opinion is naturally filtered and creates a muted reaction, positive or negative. Not to say I don't listen, it just doesn't touch the self esteem level.

So I was curious if it was repeated criticism from being a bigger target or the source of some of it that prompted the thought process.

Re: The Mirror Game

gerardmclean — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:13:08 -0000

I often find myself musing about what small (or large) event happens in a blogger's life that prompts a particular post. I wonder what triggered this one.

I would never tell another living soul what triggered each of mine (each has a trigger and it may not even be what the post is about), but it sure would make an interesting "blogger brain map."

Re: The Mirror Game

Christine Gallagher — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:54:33 -0000

Kudos, Chris, for addressing this.

Re: The Mirror Game

Christi — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:23:10 -0000

Yes, the more you put yourself out there, the bigger a target you are. I've had a couple of really harsh critics in the past. One in particular was one of those that just didn't like me - which is strange, cause, what's not to love? :) Anyway, it is easy to say that they shouldn't affect you, but, it is hard to do. Sometimes, the harder you try to ignore them, the harder they try to get your attention. People are funny, huh?

Re: The Mirror Game

Bernard Molek — Fri, 01 May 2009 11:05:04 -0000

Can't say enough about all the self-help, marketing and social guide tips I receive from you so I won't. Trying to improve my career seems to almost always return to improving me.

I feel like I'm doing this when I read and implement your content. Can't wait to read somehting you write that I don't like just so I know I'm still living free. smile.

Thanks.

Re: The Mirror Game

marvinhimel — Fri, 01 May 2009 10:54:00 -0000

Awesome post, Chris. We enjoy reading what you have to say everyday, and can usually take something from it, be it personal insight, or business advice.

We all struggle with the Mirror Game, but as you said, the power is in learning from it and not taking it to heart! Easier said than done, I know. It is always reaffirming to know that gurus such as yourself contemplate on these types of topics.

Have an outstanding day!

Re: The Mirror Game

simplystephen — Fri, 01 May 2009 10:40:26 -0000

Oh...I forgot to add the quote is by Leo Rosten...oops.

Re: The Mirror Game

suzen — Fri, 01 May 2009 10:36:53 -0000

PERFECTLY said - love this! It really is a reminder to us that we cannot control what others think of us and not to change who we are to try and fit what they think! I've known people who wore so many "faces" each one to please another "audience". Your advice applies to everyone for all times - thank you!

Re: The Mirror Game

simplystephen — Fri, 01 May 2009 10:31:08 -0000

Your post reminds me of the great Polish/American humourist (yep I'm Canadian, eh!) and writer when talking about change, perception and acceptance.

You can understand people better if you look at the "no matter how old or impressive they may be" as if they are children. For most of us we never mature. We simply grow taller.

It is therefore important to look inwardly and accept who you are. Don't compare, you are valuable as yourself!

Re: The Mirror Game

zaneology — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:58:27 -0000

I heard a saying once in the mid 90's on a Louise L. Hay audio referring to a Terry Cole-Whittaker book. I replay it in my head still today....a lot.... (for obvious reason! lol) ~ "What you think about me is none of my business..."

Oddly today, I remember exactly where I was [driving North on the Tollway] when I heard it the 1st time, and said "ah hah" to myself - It was just one line, w/ this follow up "It's true. What you think about me is none of my business - it's your business."

It's been a great one liner to pull when I find myself worrying about anything else but being the best I can be...which really is the ONLY thing I can control.

You obviously have that down to a science. Thx for a another great post.

@zaneology

Re: The Mirror Game

Temple Ireland-Rosenberger — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:28:35 -0000

Fantastic post, Chris. By putting yourself out there, I imagine you do become a greater target to critique. I also think people have a tendency to share the negative over the positives many times. Not always, but more so than one might think. “Learn from the words of others, but keep your own thoughts and plans and self-image firmly in front of you.” Strong words to live by.

Temple
http://twitter.com/templer08

Re: The Mirror Game

Drew Griffin — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:19:19 -0000

"Growing Bigger Ears" has become an internal reminder for me of sorts. It also reinforces the fact that I do listen to people and sometimes I listen too much. When we take what people say and their opinions hurt us, perhaps we listen too deeply. It amazes me that words and opinions can have such a profound effect on our lives and the direction we follow after we listen, reflect upon other's words.

I read somewhere, "The Person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the Person doing it." I believe this to be true on many levels, including those that offer negative opinions or hurtful words. I also believe that being able to take constructive criticism is also a skill that we need to harness as we mature.

Keep up the great work Chris, you have many more supporters than haters.