Hmm... I hate to throw a spanner in the works of the general consensus here, but I don't think this is always true. I think 'getting to know people' online requires a level of openess and sharing. While proponents of social marketing, and particularly Americans (sorry to generalise, but sometimes you have to) are very open and keen to put forward their point of view, it's not true of all people and all cultures.
New Zealanders for example (that's where I'm from) are much more reserved, and may even be embarrassed to put themselves out there online. It means that their online presence doesn't always represent them.
You can't expect that everyone is as up front and open as you are :)
Chris Brogan
· 8 months ago
Very good point, Ritsa. I fall often into the mindset of "everyone's JUST like ME." Not everyone acts that way, and you're right to offer that more worldly perspective.
the Jim Gaudet
· 8 months ago
Very true. Not to mention there are a lot of people who are still not "online". I can't believe it, but I know a ton of people from high school who don't even know what Facebook is...Seriously..
Tim Kilroy
· 8 months ago
But, thejimgaudet, not knowing what Facebook (or even being online) isn't a requirement for citizenship. We are very excited about social media as a new way to interact and engage and learn and grow, but others don't have the need, the opportunity, or even desire to interact online. And others, like Ritsa, are more reserved and find in uncomfortable to be open online.
It is this kind of diversity that makes the world so textured, so interesting and so hard. Those of us who feel compelled to comment on blogs, tweet, facebook, and whatever else we may do online are simply part of a self-selected community who thrives in this kind of sharing. So, for your friends who aren't facebookers or tweeters, I applaud them!
the Jim Gaudet
· 8 months ago
It is this kind of diversity that makes the world so textured, so interesting and so hard.
Wow, well said. Although they do not know about Facebook, at least I can still email them :)
Malcolm Bastien
· 8 months ago
Even where I'm from, where not everyone opens or shares themselves online, there are always enough that do that is is never really a problem. Another thing which just happens to be cool about these online meetings first is that the places where we do end up meeting in real life often happens to be big geek get togethers like a meet-up or an conference/unconference like Word Camp.
So you can't meet everyone online in the same way, but when you do they will probably be the sort of people who share some of the same characteristics as you do.
Todd Schnick
· 8 months ago
Yeah, I find this to be very true. And I've written about how it can help you get to know prospects better - and make your initial face-to-face a completely different experience. http://intrepid-llc.com/2009/04/13/social-media...
And I met a few people at a local TweetUp this week. People I actually met face-to-face for the first time. And because I had met them on Twitter, it was like I had known them for years...
Jennifer Fong
· 8 months ago
I also find this to be true. On a personal level, I joined a new church, and got to know the people there better through Facebook than I ever did one hour on Sundays. It took our relationships to a whole new level. And it also helps in business. My business, direct sales, is a people business. Yet more and more the initial relationships people are making are built online. It makes people a lot more comfortable when it comes time to purchase, because they know, like, and trust you.
Thanks for another insightful post.
Jennifer Fong
Mary Anne Donovan
· 8 months ago
Likewise, this can go the other way, too, which also tells you a lot. I've *met* people online via various social sites only to find their online persona was not quite a *what you see is what you get* type deal. So this gives you an added, and very effective, assessment tool whether you are engaging in a personal or professional capacity.
AlexisCeule
· 8 months ago
I'm so glad you have pointed this basic bonus of social media out. I'm a long time fan and participant of social networking. I keep meeting business owners who are afraid or hesitant of stepping out and attempting this style of relationship building. Consider your own city. I feel like my city gets smaller and smaller every year because I meet more and more people every day. That's a great thing. But now, with social networking, I feel like my neighborhood is no longer in my backyard or my city, it's the flipp'n world! The world to me keeps getting smaller and smaller every day because of the people I meet throughout it. I know people in countries I would never have dreamed to visit (I want to now though). And we all pulled together by a single common thread... (some music, some hobbies, some social media... ) I love it. It's incredibly exciting! I truly believe there has never been a better time to own a business. The ways to meet contacts, customers, allies... getting to know your competition, geting an edge over your competition... is endless now. It's fun again!
@AlexisCeule
Ainav
· 8 months ago
I definitely agree that social media adds a whole other dimension to human relationships. I find that the text-based environment of the internet provides you with comfortable distance, on the one hand, and accountability on the other, in the sense that you have to be careful what you express in writing. This combination generates relationships that at first are surprising in how meaningful they feel, but slowly become part of what makes the overall online experience special.
drivenidealist
· 8 months ago
I agree. The rules are similar to online dating... chat it up before meeting the person, but then others seem to think you shouldn't chat as much so you have more to talk about in person? Yeah, I don't quite understand that logic, but to each his own.
Great website, by the way!
martin
· 8 months ago
I think you're absolutely right. Most people tweet/blog what they think and if you follow them over time you can get a fairly good picture of how they think, what they think about, and so on. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, some "on-line personae" do not always match up with the real-life version.
Jim Hartwig
· 8 months ago
Hey Chris, Like so many times you are on the mark here. Understanding an honest well crafted electronic profile bridges the need to act like a puppy when we first meet. That whole social sniffing seems to create misdirection that is then hopefully corrected. I agree that getting to know someone via their digital marking allows you to determine if their priorities and values are aligned.
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect
· 8 months ago
I've found this to be true, more so as I do more and get better with social media. I didn't really understand until I attended a blogging conference in February - seeing people who'd never met in person run up to each other and hug sold me on this phenomenon.
suzi w.
· 8 months ago
Yes, I have found this to be true. And I will never forget the morning I watched your video on "if you ever see me, come up and introduce yourself" because that morning I was going to see one of my librarian heroes that I'd been following on twitter and was a little nervous. This summer when I go to ALA in Chicago, I'll already "know" some folks I've been twittering and emailing with, folks I might have never otherwise met.
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now
· 8 months ago
This is exactly what I was trying to do before the SxSW conference. I would comment on their blogs, retweet them, email them and basically warm them up for a conversation at SxSW. I've never really thought about all these links in a chain before. I was building a foundation for a friendship. Thanks for putting this concept into words.
I did make some mistakes, with some of the people I wanted to meet. I now realize that I didn't reduce enough friction before the sale. I didn't put in my time. I should have laid a stronger foundation.
nikkimk
· 8 months ago
I completely agree with you. One of my social media stories at #hewebcornell with my fellow eduGurus had to do with how so many of the people I follow in social media have become "virtual coworkers"--people with whom I collaborate, share conversation, to whom pose quick questions, etc.--that when I go to conferences I can tell who's active in social media and who isn't. The social media people mingle with each other and sit together like they are old friends even if they have never met face to face. The people who to dot use social media in the way sit with people from their institutions or with whom they have had previous face to face introductions.
Some of us have even created a Ning site of virtual office space so that we could work together from different departments, campuses, (and some different job functions), just to form a community within the online community.
claudioalegre
· 8 months ago
That is the social on "social media" ...the actual engagement with people and their interests.
Jackie Dishner
· 8 months ago
Does online social media shorten the distance? You bet. I totally agree with your post. Before Twitter, FB and LinkedIn's Groups and Answers, there were listservs and forums. I've participated in several before meeting the participants in person. It was exactly as you said, as if you'd already met them when that first live encounter occurred. It's a great way to get to know lots of people conveniently, and it's accessible to anyone who has a computer and can get online.
Yet another reason to get involved. I'll be sure to point this one out when I meet resisters.
rebkah
· 8 months ago
Having met my spouse online 1997, I indeed second that.
YES! When you are learning about a person, particularly though the digital epistle you are getting a "head first" introduction to the person. Thoughts, not postures, not poses, not body language--- all in fact valuable aspects of communication---are the baseline for what you learn about a person. How a person thinks and thinks things through, is for my purpose where one finds evidence of the evolution of the species. What would Twitter or Facebook be like if we poised the question as What are you thinking, or how are you changing, or what did you learn, or who do you respect, or why are you doing what you are doing...
Indra Gardiner
· 8 months ago
Yes! This is happening more and more. Sometimes, I meet someone online and it gives me the courage to go up to them and introduce myself (whereas in the past, that was not my MO). That is happening here locally and it is giving me a greater sense of community, Which, as we know, is kind of the point. I even did it with you, though you were being barraged by people at the time and probably don't remember. But, I'll do it again, because I've followed you and read what you've been up to and have the "social courage" now.
Phil Johnson
· 8 months ago
Twitter, and other social media technologies, have tricked multitudes of people into practicing the lost art of correspondence and conversation. That's a wonderful thing. Have so many people ever talked to so many other people so freely in the history of the world? What's artful about this brief post is that it places the value on the human connection, and ultimately on connecting with people in the physical world. Nicely done. - http://twitter.com/philjohnson
Gopal Shenoy
· 8 months ago
Chris, I completely agree. When I interviewed for my current job at OnForce, many of my current peers had read my blog and hence it helped me break the ice when they told me they had. It was much easier to have the discussions that followed because it felt that we were on a common ground. Personal brand online is so critical these days.
MatthewRay
· 8 months ago
Absolutely! Ever sense joining twitter I have conversed with some really talented people not only in Rochester, NY, but also around the world. With the Rochester Crew, I was able to find out about @SMC_Rochester - and from there was able to strike up a quick conversation with people I haddn't met before, but knew them online.
I would have never connected with the people I met in Rochester in this short period of time since joining the @SMC_Rochester - and especially not without Twitter. It stream-lined my efforts to meet and talk with an innovative crowd!
mandypriestarnold
· 8 months ago
Agree, I feel that I know those that I follow through social networks. When I have the opportunity to meet them at an event or otherwise, I feel like I should make the effort - stronger intent to engage them in person because I have built an online relationship with them.
cleverwebtech
· 8 months ago
Hey Chris,
For me, getitng to know people first in real life will always make a better relationship then getting to know them first online. Despite this, it's always a good idea to collect facts online about people you're about to meet in real life.
Chris, you're awesome. Great to meet you live and in person.
Keep pushing this space.
Malcolm Bastien
· 8 months ago
This is one of my favourite sort of tactics to take advantage of, especially as someone who's more introverted and who hates small chat. Being able to first of all scope out WHO I want to talk to helps me avoid awkward situations before its too late, and makes the whole meeting in real life process a lot easier.
Jim Gray
· 8 months ago
i'm seeing this everyday and trying meetup offline as much as humanly possible.
Mike McCready
· 8 months ago
I think is so true Chris. Last November at the Stamats conference in St. Petersburg, I recall hearing how many of the people there had never met before but had established good relationships online through Twitter, blogs, etc.
I look forward to conferences in the future to be able to meet those I've established relationships online with.
Roundpeg
· 8 months ago
I have found this to be very true, particularly locally. In Indianapolis, we have a site www.smallerindiana.com. As we hit milestones, 1,000 members, 2,000 members we throw parties and bring people together. Right from the first event, it felt more like a high school reunion, with people sort of squinting, and saying wow are you.. so and so, and hugging even if it was the first time they met in person.
I don't thing social media will ever replace Face to Face, but I do think it accelerates the connections when you do meet.
Deirdre
· 8 months ago
I definitely think this is true. There are quite a few people who I've connected with on twitter and Facebook that when I finally met them in person, I felt like we were old friends. It's also especially important for me in the promotion of my books and business as I'm noticing that the actual physical meeting is the "sale." This could be a speaking engagement for a business association, lecture for a college, counseling for a group of executives, etc. In some cases, Social Media can shorten the sales process.
ajmunn
· 8 months ago
There have been several occasions where emails have begun very formal in their back and forth while setting up an initial meeting. Through finding the person on twitter or facebook and connecting, even in the most basic level, the emails tone changed dramatically. It was less formal and less staid. There are many uses for online profiles. The most basic of these is to put some context around a person.
As a result the meetings generally got off to a far more productive start. It also allows for a greater understanding of the person you are meeting. Having an inkling of their learning styles, how they communicate and their interests helps you tune in and deliver what you have to say in a manner that will ring true for them and make sense.
Susan Murphy
· 8 months ago
Though I think this is true in some ways - these tools facilitate the connections that can result in close friendships, new opportunities, and such...I do think that there's a tendency for us to over analyze what's really going on in this space, and sometimes to "try too hard" to make friends with everyone all the time. There's often an expectation that just because I reach out to someone or they reach out to me that we must then become good friends. People simply don't have the bandwidth to manage that many REAL friendships, let alone add new ones all the time.
Really, what it comes down to, is we either make a connection with someone or we don't. We become friends or we don't. We do business together or we don't. It's not really THAT much different than the offline world, come to think of it.
:)
rachelgittel
· 8 months ago
It is destined that you two would meet. Beth is so connected with people and a natural networker. She was doing this type of thing long before blogging and twittering were on the radar screen. She has encouraged me to start blogging, and she has advised me as to who to follow and so much more! She even told me that I had to introduce myself (a real blogginer) when I was at SocComm in New York. It is so nice to see how meetings like this make the twitterverse go round.
bob robbins
· 8 months ago
I have found this to be very true. I have at least as many online friends as I do face-to-face friends and maybe more. When I get a chance to me online friends in person it's like we have known each other for a long time.
Bill Masson
· 8 months ago
It's great that social networks are bringing people closer together and i applaud anybody who has the time to follow individual’s social streams. It's just not quite the same though as meeting people face to face. Maybe if the bandwidth was equal for everyone you could communicate in a more meaningful way. I agree with some of your commenters that a few people are just too shy to make that extra effort to connect.
I find that it can be beneficial to have that buffer of the Internet, to communicate with a lot more people than i would in real life. Sometimes it just comes down to confidence and who you are that determines your online path.
Thanks for the read
amberportercox
· 8 months ago
Agreed. Meeting you at the SOBcon event was great - but it might have been more 'connected' had been following you and reading your blog regularly. (not that I'm shy and there was a problem) I also find the reverse to be true --> I met a lot of very talented people, and will now make a point to understand and learn from them via Blog, Twitter (social media) communication even more - my personal experience with them allowed me to get a feel to who they are, and reading their blogs will now become more memorable and relevant. Thanks for the reminder: share and connect to build warm relationships on and offline!! @amberportercox
Christine Fife
· 7 months ago
Absolutely! As a conversation marketing practice we show our clients how to "follow" the Influencers in their market conversation to really get to know them and understand them. It has long been a PR practice to really understand what reporters write about, how they like to receive news release information, and what their article deadlines are. Social media allows us to take this much, much further and apply it to more than just press.
At Idiom Strategies we look at the Market Conversation Universe: The People * Influencers: individuals and entities (organizations, conferences, groups, etc.) that most often raise new conversation topics and have their own audiences who listen and respond. * Participants: individuals who are responding to the topics raised by the Influencers. * Listeners: The vast majority of the population falls into this category—they are the individuals who look to Influencers and Participants to help them make purchase decisions and formulate their own opinions.
Conversation Locations: * Physical and online places where people are interacting. These can include Social Media Networks, Blogs and other Social Media Outlets, Forums, Chat rooms, Conferences and Tradeshows, On and Offline Publications, User Groups, Trade Organizations, Webinars, Sponsored Events, Research Reports, etc.
Conversation Tools Influencers, as well as different types of Participants and Listeners, utilize tools to receive market conversation content. Tools can include: Social media technology such as blogs, wikis, networking sites and many others; News aggregators, RSS Feeds, alerts and other tracking systems; Podcast, webcast and webinar technologies; Live speeches and presentations; Calendaring technologies; Email, and yes, even snail mail; and Web communities.
The more you understand The People, The Conversation Locations where they converse and The Tools they use, the more you will understand your prospects and customers and the easier it will be to get to know all of these people and for them to know you.
skweeds
· 7 months ago
I think it depends on what type of relationship you're looking for. There are some people I know IRL who are complete doofuses on the web, and vice versa. I think it's very disappointing when you've talked to someone online a lot and you're great friends but you go to hang out IRL and they're just socially inept. The other way around isn't so terrible, in my opinion. Having internet finesse isn't necessarily a requirement in my book. But actual social savoir-faire I think is a must-have.
conviojames
· 7 months ago
Spending time getting to know someone online is definitely worth it. I would go so far as to say that it is imperative. In a lot of cases, it is really the only option I have for most of the year. I work with nonprofits, and I tell them to do the same with their constituents. Their reality is that they may never be able to meet some of their constituents face to face, so an online relationship is all that they can develop. Spending the time to approximate real conversations pays off in a ll sorts of ways for the organization: engagement, loyalty, support, advocacy...
aliallsorts
· 7 months ago
I love this post Chris as it shows how honest and trustworthy people can be. I do understand people's reservations because some people aren't so honest and have bad intentions, but I personally don't think being sociable online poses any greater risk than being sociable offline. But I also appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and concerns. Thanks for the post anyway.
Beth Rosen
· 7 months ago
For all of us who believe that social media is not just the next phase but a must phase, that’s why were here reading Chris Brogan. At Sobcon "Chris Brogan, the guru of social media, took time to talk with me. Why? I may never know, but maybe it’s because he is really good at what he does, and that’s connecting with people in a personal way while being genuinely interested in what were doing/looking for online. But—and this may even be more important—he saw me as “Everyman.” (Or should I say “EveryMOM?”) As a blogging, tweeting mother-of-four teens—a buyer, a recommender, a shopper, and critic—Chris knew I embodied the all the angles of an audience that social media seeks to address. I am the real deal of the linked-up world. And the best part is it makes sense! The power of this new force is that it’s all about people, wherever and however they want to connect. That’s why Chris is Chris Brogan “he gets us we get him and together we get the future”
The Writer Mama
· 7 months ago
This is what I was just saying in a comment to a later post. The thing is you are saying you take in a lot of information on people you meet on Twitter BEFORE you meet them. I might take in a bit of info about them before I meet them, I mean, as much as I can at a glance. But I can hold so much more information about a person in my memory once I've met them in person. I get content overload really easily, so for me, I'll pay more attention to what you are doing online AFTER I meet you in person, assuming what you are sharing interests me.
This probably sounds old fashioned and fickle. But I can't be the only one who still feels that face-to-face makes the deepest and most lasting impression. And with the numbers of people I'm meeting and greeting at any one time, I tend to default to what my mind can process easiest. Lately, I'm just trying to keep up with my to-do list and get my assistant up to speed so I can have a little more time to...make connections. :)
All Comments
New Zealanders for example (that's where I'm from) are much more reserved, and may even be embarrassed to put themselves out there online. It means that their online presence doesn't always represent them.
You can't expect that everyone is as up front and open as you are :)
It is this kind of diversity that makes the world so textured, so interesting and so hard. Those of us who feel compelled to comment on blogs, tweet, facebook, and whatever else we may do online are simply part of a self-selected community who thrives in this kind of sharing. So, for your friends who aren't facebookers or tweeters, I applaud them!
Wow, well said. Although they do not know about Facebook, at least I can still email them :)
So you can't meet everyone online in the same way, but when you do they will probably be the sort of people who share some of the same characteristics as you do.
And I met a few people at a local TweetUp this week. People I actually met face-to-face for the first time. And because I had met them on Twitter, it was like I had known them for years...
Thanks for another insightful post.
Jennifer Fong
@AlexisCeule
Great website, by the way!
Like so many times you are on the mark here. Understanding an honest well crafted electronic profile bridges the need to act like a puppy when we first meet. That whole social sniffing seems to create misdirection that is then hopefully corrected. I agree that getting to know someone via their digital marking allows you to determine if their priorities and values are aligned.
I did make some mistakes, with some of the people I wanted to meet. I now realize that I didn't reduce enough friction before the sale. I didn't put in my time. I should have laid a stronger foundation.
Some of us have even created a Ning site of virtual office space so that we could work together from different departments, campuses, (and some different job functions), just to form a community within the online community.
Yet another reason to get involved. I'll be sure to point this one out when I meet resisters.
Was thinking about it this morning when I wrote this http://rebkah.posterous.com/never-thought-id-wr...
What would Twitter or Facebook be like if we poised the question as
What are you thinking, or how are you changing, or what did you learn, or who do you respect, or why are you doing what you are doing...
I would have never connected with the people I met in Rochester in this short period of time since joining the @SMC_Rochester - and especially not without Twitter. It stream-lined my efforts to meet and talk with an innovative crowd!
For me, getitng to know people first in real life will always make a better relationship then getting to know them first online. Despite this, it's always a good idea to collect facts online about people you're about to meet in real life.
Brian
cleverwebtech.com
Keep pushing this space.
I look forward to conferences in the future to be able to meet those I've established relationships online with.
I don't thing social media will ever replace Face to Face, but I do think it accelerates the connections when you do meet.
As a result the meetings generally got off to a far more productive start. It also allows for a greater understanding of the person you are meeting. Having an inkling of their learning styles, how they communicate and their interests helps you tune in and deliver what you have to say in a manner that will ring true for them and make sense.
Really, what it comes down to, is we either make a connection with someone or we don't. We become friends or we don't. We do business together or we don't. It's not really THAT much different than the offline world, come to think of it.
:)
I find that it can be beneficial to have that buffer of the Internet, to communicate with a lot more people than i would in real life. Sometimes it just comes down to confidence and who you are that determines your online path.
Thanks for the read
At Idiom Strategies we look at the Market Conversation Universe:
The People
* Influencers: individuals and entities (organizations, conferences, groups, etc.) that most often raise new conversation topics and have their own audiences who listen and respond.
* Participants: individuals who are responding to the topics raised by the Influencers.
* Listeners: The vast majority of the population falls into this category—they are the individuals who look to Influencers and Participants to help them make purchase decisions and formulate their own opinions.
Conversation Locations:
* Physical and online places where people are interacting. These can include Social Media Networks, Blogs and other Social Media Outlets, Forums, Chat rooms, Conferences and Tradeshows, On and Offline Publications, User Groups, Trade Organizations, Webinars, Sponsored Events, Research Reports, etc.
Conversation Tools
Influencers, as well as different types of Participants and Listeners, utilize tools to receive market conversation content. Tools can include: Social media technology such as blogs, wikis, networking sites and many others; News aggregators, RSS Feeds, alerts and other tracking systems; Podcast, webcast and webinar technologies; Live speeches and presentations; Calendaring technologies; Email, and yes, even snail mail; and Web communities.
The more you understand The People, The Conversation Locations where they converse and The Tools they use, the more you will understand your prospects and customers and the easier it will be to get to know all of these people and for them to know you.
I think it's very disappointing when you've talked to someone online a lot and you're great friends but you go to hang out IRL and they're just socially inept.
The other way around isn't so terrible, in my opinion. Having internet finesse isn't necessarily a requirement in my book. But actual social savoir-faire I think is a must-have.
But I also appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and concerns. Thanks for the post anyway.
This probably sounds old fashioned and fickle. But I can't be the only one who still feels that face-to-face makes the deepest and most lasting impression. And with the numbers of people I'm meeting and greeting at any one time, I tend to default to what my mind can process easiest. Lately, I'm just trying to keep up with my to-do list and get my assistant up to speed so I can have a little more time to...make connections. :)