chrisbrogan.com - Latest Comments in More Advice for the Shy

Re: More Advice for the Shy

djkiranappiah — Sun, 08 Jul 2012 10:51:39 -0000

I am shy, and what makes my situation worse is that i was born half deaf, so my communication skills aren't up to par with everyone else. This makes talking to people VERY awkward as I find myself stuttering and having to repeat myself several times, which makes me look stupid to my verbally dexterous friends.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Pia Cindy — Mon, 23 May 2011 02:46:37 -0000

This is a great article , lots of good, solid advice.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Karen Putz / DeafMom — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:20:06 -0000

Nice, post! I can be shy in social situations, but I think it's related to being deaf and sometimes worried about how I will sound or communicate with someone.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Deon — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 07:10:14 -0000

Great advice, Susan. I've been an extrovert for much of my life (but, ironically, I find myself still tensing up in some situations). A great way for someone to overcome/manage their shyness is to strike up small-talk with cashiers and similar workers. I usually like to make a comment about how I can tell they're ready to get off work and go home. It usually elicits a smile, and a quick 60 second conversation.

By the time it's over, my groceries are sacked and ready to go. It's a great way to get in the habit of saying hi and starting convo with complete strangers. Plus, people love it because it gives them a break in their, otherwise, monotonous work day.

-Deon

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Sue Horner — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:49:33 -0000

I absolutely vote for "fake it till you make it"! In one of the networks I belong to, people don't believe I am shy because I just don't show it. (Good thing I no longer turn beet red as I did when called on in school!)

A great place to practice is at a conference. Everyone there has a big badge identifying them as attending the same conference. How hard is it to spot the badge when you get on the elevator, and say "I see by your badge you're a communicator" (or whatever the conference is for)? Then you just ask where the person is from, or how he/she is enjoying the conference, or what the best session has been so far. Bingo, you've started a conversation and you'll seem like an extrovert.

Another good conference tip is to attend any sessions given for newcomers. Whether or not you've been to the conference before, it will give you a chance to meet a few people. Chances are, many of them will be looking to meet new people too.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Susan Murphy — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:27:18 -0000

Great comments, everyone! I really like what you've said, Philip, about fear of rejection. Absolutely shyness is about fear of being rejected - and actually I think most people have that on some level, even the non-shy types.

"Fake it till you make it" and "acting" like an extrovert are definitely up there, as Rebeca and KatFrench have pointed out, and are key - the more you do it, the more you just get used to it.

As for "acting brave", as Mike's Dad puts it - well, just so happens that Mike's Dad is my Dad too - so of course that makes him a pretty smart man. :)

Would love to hear from a couple of extroverts on this topic...

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Philip John — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:57:31 -0000

Great post and I can completely identify with the back story, too.

I found that the biggest problem with overcoming shyness is the root cause - fear. I've studied social dynamics and realised I suffer from what's been termed Approach Anxiety (AA).

AA is based around the mentality that you might be rejected. MIGHT. Unless you're a complete tool you won't get rejected. Especially in an environment filled with like-minded people.

So go ahead, approach, there's nothing to be scared of.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Rebeca — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 09:36:25 -0000

I'd like to echo what some people have stated in different ways: if you take a step back and consider the situation at hand as a once in a lifetime opportunity (which many times it CAN be!) then you may just be able to convince yourself that you would be doing a severe disservice to yourself and your personal/professional development by letting your fear/doubt/uncertainty hold you back.

and if that doesn't work: FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! I'm always astonished at the sense of empowerment I feel if I was able to act the part then afterward find that it felt very natural and rewarding.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

HelloChris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:40:30 -0000

I love the photo that you used Chris, matches the post perfectly.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Mary — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:25:42 -0000

Great post, Suze.

I can relate to all these points, especially accepting your shyness. It's part of who I am, I don't need to reference it all the time or use it as an excuse.

One thing I've found helpful is teaching college courses as an adjunct instructor. My palms are ALWAYS sweaty at the beginning of the first class, but once I get started the sweaty palms and the fear dissipate and I just have fun. I'm also afraid of heights--so I took up rock-climbing. I'm still afraid of heights, but now I can climb, hike, and drive over a bridge. :-)

Lots to be said for facing our fears.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

KatFrench — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:08:23 -0000

Well done, on this and the previous post on the same topic. Like Suze, I'm one of those "born shy" people who has worked really hard to overcome it--especially over the past few years. In fact, most people who've only known me a few years would laugh if I said I was shy around them.

One thing that is hard to make clear to non-shy, extraverted people is that I really do enjoy being around people and socializing. It's just draining, rather than energizing, for me.

That's fine, when I remember to take it into account and do what I need to do to compensate. It's when I try to pretend I'm a natural extravert (like my boss) that I get into trouble.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Mike Thompson — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:00:55 -0000

All kinds of successful people battle with shyness and stage fright. For me, it is social situations. I have been on live TV, acted in theater and taught adult classes in various subjects over the years.... but I hate going to a party.

I learned a little trick from my Dad that helped...

"Act brave, even when you're not, because no one can tell the difference."

Re: More Advice for the Shy

WTL — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:52:56 -0000

Nicely done, Suze. Struggling with shyness is something that I've done for many years, but one thing I tend to do is to put myself into situations where I have to be unshy and interact with new people.

It *does* get easier with time.

Re: More Advice for the Shy

fendergurl — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:49:48 -0000

I really enjoyed Susan's list of suggestions for over-coming the 'shyness' issues.

Truthfully, being shy is quite debilitating, and missed opportunities, lead to yet even MORE shyness ensuing. It is a vicious cycle for those that are struggling with 'putting it out there' and speaking up/speaking out.

I am struggling with shyness, related to expressing my opinion in the 'social media' world. I question whether my response to a blog or someone's daily update is going to sound foolish or irrelevant.

Well...everyone is entitled to an opinion - and yes, we all DO have an opinion. Why not express it and perhaps, find others who are of 'like mind' in the process? Therein lies the 'social network' we all strive to maintain and create for business/pleasure.

It pays-off to be a conversation starter, as Susan noted. You might just learn something about someone...and yourself, while you are at it!

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Bloggeries — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:46:51 -0000

Solid advice for those that are shy. Think of it like basketball you'll miss 100% of the conversations you don't start or throw in your $0.02 when appropriate. You live once; go for it!

Re: More Advice for the Shy

Jesse Page — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:41:36 -0000

Chris:

Superb blogging! It is intellectually stimulating and interesting (I read lots of other blogs as well and yours is one of the best!).

~Jesse
twitter/thronkus