Maybe a variation on "know when to scram"..."Know when to shut up".
Had a recent event experience where I had to avoid a guy who was like a Venus fly trap. Once you were sucked in he'd talk you to death.
Dr.Mani
· 2 years ago
Chris, I did get to know about you through Twitter, and do consider you a 'celebrity' coz you were interviewed by Guy Kawasaki - and so, if we meet at a social event, I might be 'intimidated' at saying hi... but now I will after reading what you just said :)
Nice points. I'd add just one thing - Don't GUSH.
The really nice folks always get a bit embarrassed when someone gushes about how great, famous, wonderful they are - and how lucky/ amazed/ delighted/ honored you are to be actually talking to them. It kind of starts things off on the wrong foot.
Just be natural. Respect, admiration and appreciation can be conveyed without going overboard!
All success Dr.Mani
C.C. Chapman
· 2 years ago
Some great points all around. I always laugh when someone says to me "wow you are so approachable." Of course I am. I'm completely transparent and open in all my new media channels how could I not be approachable?
They key is if you want to meet someone just come right out and say hello. Even if they are talking to someone else just wait and even if it is something as simple as a handshake, a business card and "hey I just really wanted to say hi" that is a cool thing.
There is NEVER enough time to have the lengthy conversations that most people would love to have with other people at conferences like this. The sheer volume of people mixed with catching up with friends makes it hard. I know there were people at PME this weekend that I would have loved to sit down and have dinner or drinks with but we didn't have the time.
MLO
· 2 years ago
Hrm... I go to all kinds of events that attract the real "power behind the Internet" and half the time don't even realize it! My husband and friends think I'm quite oblivious to celebrity and have never had any trouble just picking up a conversation about just about anything.
Of course, I come from an Appalachian background where you are taught to treat everybody pretty nicely - unless they are a real jerk, and then you just ignore them.
Pax,
MLO
Dave C.
· 2 years ago
Also, feel free to discuss regular life and the here and now, not just the person's defined area of expertise.
joec0914
· 2 years ago
Under things to avoid, I'd add, don't go to a social event and try to deliver your "message" to as many people as possible. I hate it when some guy/gal walks up out of the blue, shakes hands and starts talking about their great product or service that I really should take a look at. Eeewww, go away.
Also, I'd say don't go with a list of goals and expectations about who or how many you're going to meet or what you're going to get done. Sure, if you know someone you've always wanted to meet is going to be there, then as you say, don't be shy, just say hello. But I prefer to just let the room and its people wash over me, try to have fun (duh), let my instincts guide me and see what happens.
Social events are for getting to know people, not getting things done, in my opinion. I'm always suspicious of formulas and recipes for how to work a room. Getting to know people, being genuine and making others comfortable pays dividends in the long run. It means they'll choose to work with you rather than someone else when the time comes to work.
Amie Gillingham
· 2 years ago
Letting your macbook get smacked around by the presenter is always a great ice breaker!
::ducks::
And as a woman, I have to say I really appreciate your sensitivity in including the bit about being "non-creepy." Thank you.
linkerjpatrick
· 2 years ago
Great advice. People are people. I remember how weird it felt when I was young and had a summer camp job. I still have guys who are now in their 30's who approach me in public and tell me what I difference I made in their life, I was a good teacher, etc.
If I could go back in time I would definitely change my perception of women. I remember having crushes when I was a teenager and feeling odd and weird around girls I like and it was mainly because I had a really warped view of them, seeing them as either a perfect goddess or a soul mate. Of course neither was true.
I think the best thing people on both sides of the conversation can do is to show interest by asking question and getting to know the person as opposed to our perceptions.
chrisbrogan
· 2 years ago
@Amie - why you!!!! : )
@Dr. Mani- Remember, we're all celebrity in our own fishbowls, right? So, I go with Justin Kownacki's definition of celebrity.
@CC - great points. Truly, as I've seen you embody them.
@MLO - Appalachian courtesy would serve more people well, all the way around.
@JoeC - yeah, the MESSAGE types immediately fade in my memory. Like, immediately.
Great stuff, guys!
How do YOU normally feel at these events? Comfy? Nervous? Do you think people consider you shy? I love when I find Internet-famous people who are actually really shy. Hell, *I* get shy from time to time.
Douglas E. Welch
· 2 years ago
More advice. As much as I love my wife, I can't go to events with her. Having someone to hang out with brings out my inherent shyness and I end up talking to no one else...because I don't have to.
At Expo on Friday, I had a new acquaintance to walk around and introduce to everyone and it had the opposite effect. It really made me open up and talk to even more people so she could have the benefit of meeting them.
As for you, Chris, I think I waved at you once during your PodCamp talk and then left you alone the rest of Expo. You were always surrounded by folks. (SMILE)
Douglas
Dan Schawbel
· 2 years ago
Great points Chris. I'll see you tomorrow at the social media breakfast to see how well people follow these "rules of conduct."
kitykity
· 2 years ago
I think this brings us back around to how important a brand is. Often I don't see myself as important; but it feels so nice to have someone introduce me at an event, and the person says, "oh YOU'RE kitykity!! I know you!"
Annie
· 2 years ago
Ask good questions. Nothing makes me feel better than when someone I don't know, or barely know, asks for my opinion or ideas about something I feel knowledgeable about. I had some awesome conversations at PodCamp Philly with people I consider "celebs" just because I asked them simple questions.
Of course, it helps if you really want to know the answers. Asking a question then staring at the floor or over their shoulder while someone is answering isn't quite as effective.
Dr.Mani
· 2 years ago
Interesting blog by Justin - thanks for highlighting it :)
Incidentally, the 'guy' who did lay the pickle on my Subway yesterday does know me! (Full disclosure: I made my own! ;) )
"How do YOU normally feel at these events?"
Nervous. Often. Either because I'm worried everyone will recognize me. Or because they won't!
All success Dr.Mani
Michael Bailey
· 2 years ago
After reading through a bunch of post-PME blog posting and the comments areas, I just had a thought.
We're building all of these online social-networks and yet, in the comments sections, it appears that we're still trying to figure out how to be/or what being social is all about.
I'm not trying to make a point, just an observation, and I have a typically droll sense of humor - but, just throwing it in here to see if anyone else noticed it too?
Amie Gillingham
· 2 years ago
@Michael Bailey: I think it's so much easier to be "brave" online than off. The most recent networking event I went to was PodCampPGH2 and I found myself pretty much only talking to people I knew from online or presenters if I connected with what they had to say and had a follow-up question. I think a lot of us may be having a hard time translating our "extroverted" online persona into real-life situations and making in-person connections because it takes a completely different (although not unrelated) skill set.
chrisbrogan
· 2 years ago
Believe me when I say that how people act in person is *really* different than how they act online. Some of the world's foremost social media experts aren't all that comfy face-to-face. Put keyboards between us, and we'll be friends.
If I weren't already doing a few things, I could write books on this to last a lifetime.
Will
· 2 years ago
Great Points Chris!!!
Always remember that they are there because they want to meet their fans, just as much as you are there to meet your idols.
Scott Schablow
· 2 years ago
In my past life as a TV journalist I used to interview TV & film celebrities, prominent politicians and even royalty. You're right Chris, people are just people. A few observations that I have found universal: Most importantly, when you approach, make and hold eye contact while smiling. Then offer a brief handshake. Secondly say something to him or her on a personal level. I've had A-list stars thank me for asking about their family, their recent trip, social cause etc. They get tired of people gushing and complimenting. I used to research the person's personal life and comment on something that was important to them. Now in the days of Twitter all you need to do keep up with them and have a person to person conversation.
Jeff Glasson
· 2 years ago
To some degree I think that the online relationship preceding the opportunity to meet people in person helps with confidence related issues that pop up from time to time. Personally, the recent Tech Cocktail in Boston was the first time I was able to meet face to face many of the people I had only know via online relationships or as voices in podcasts. Having little bits of knowledge in the back of my mind about each person made for a much easier "ice-breaking" experience.
Mike Ambrose
· 2 years ago
Your posts inspired me to come up with a list of my own. These tips on meeting the famous (and the very well known, or VWK) have worked for me:
1. Get clear in your mind your exact purpose in meeting the VWK. 2. Wait your turn. 3. Realize that you're going to get maybe 30 seconds with the person, and be satisfied with that. 4. Watch their body language while you're chatting - especially their eyes. 5. Have a closing line ready to avoid awkwardness. 6. It's ok to extend your hand first for a handshake. 7. It's not ok to grab. 8. Avoid (at all costs) trying to get their attention by calling out their name, loudly. 9. Keep the encounter short. 10. Try not to blubber. 11. Meet other people.
I go into more detail in the post on my blog...
Laura Athavale Fitton
· 2 years ago
Very sad to say, the "tip" below is a tweet from PME. I sure hope the person in question just "had something on their mind," cuz the experience blew.
**Nifty networking tip: if someone cool intros you to someone with "you two should really meet," don't stare + make them explain themself?
/me smiled politely, and moved on.
Dayngr
· 2 years ago
I'm thinking this is all common sense stuff. Did people really not know this? Seriously?
Maybe the tech events are different but I haven't ever experienced this at other events where I've been the one on display.
whitney
· 2 years ago
The thing that always strikes me about people in new media is that many of us were geeks in high school. Not the Big Man On Campus- alot of us don't know how to deal with popularity, no matter how much we have always craved being the "cool kids".
A year ago, I was overwhelmed by getting to meet CC in person; now we're good friends in real life. That to me is why this space is awesome. We all do have something to contribute.
The biggest barrier to all of this is a sense of self-confidence, and the ability to read subtle body language social cues. If you feel unworthy and timid, that shows. But also being too aggressive with other people shows as well. Just be you- and that's easily good enough.
Jon (was) in Michigan
· 2 years ago
I took a Dale Carnegie course, but this one article did more for me that than stupid course ever did. And all I had to do was read this and not get up dance and do weird things in front of people.
John Doe
· 2 years ago
I'm hiding in anonymous to... protect the guilty and too-shy-to-be-laughed-at...
I've been told by people who have watched me at events that I'm out there and interactionable... But that I talk too much.
Anyone have tips on fixing that?
patti serrano
· 2 years ago
Hey...Chris this is a great subject for you! I still want to chatwith you and tell you what I do after speeches.....just email me and say WHAT?????? and I will know it is about that subject of trying to break away from a crowd and not get stuck talking to someone too long.
JOHN DOE...that one is simple....when you are interacting with the audience, ask more open ended questions that will take the spot light off you..... or tape your mouth and do sign language....joking
I talk to much and laugh to often. Sometimes in a crowd of people I can become a social coward.
Ok that last part is not true.
Brogan good stuff. Bailey dig your sence of humor. Dude talking about grabbing. Agreed, not cool.
nir
· 2 years ago
In this world sometimes its not so easy to meet people online. One site that I think has the right angle is htpp://wannago.com that let people who wanna go to the same event or activity to meet in a casual way. what do you think?
isobel
· 1 year ago
hi, i get really nervous when meeting new people, have any of you got ideas as to how i can calm my nerves down a b it, i also get scared when doing presentations in front of new people.
Stephen Hopson
· 1 year ago
Chris:
When I go to events, I just be me. I loved the tips you gave here - they make a lot of sense. There were a couple of shy people at SOBCon08 and I was very conscious of that. I don't know if I lowered my voice but I do remember giving them enough bodily distance and speaking with a smile in my voice. I think they appreciated it.
And you - you made me comfortable when I was talking to you. Despite your presence on the Internet, I felt like you were another human being who likes to connect. Your eyes were very warm as was your overall body language. I vividly remember talking to you after your presentation. You have a magenetic presence. :)
All Comments
Had a recent event experience where I had to avoid a guy who was like a Venus fly trap. Once you were sucked in he'd talk you to death.
Nice points. I'd add just one thing - Don't GUSH.
The really nice folks always get a bit embarrassed when someone gushes about how great, famous, wonderful they are - and how lucky/ amazed/ delighted/ honored you are to be actually talking to them. It kind of starts things off on the wrong foot.
Just be natural. Respect, admiration and appreciation can be conveyed without going overboard!
All success
Dr.Mani
They key is if you want to meet someone just come right out and say hello. Even if they are talking to someone else just wait and even if it is something as simple as a handshake, a business card and "hey I just really wanted to say hi" that is a cool thing.
There is NEVER enough time to have the lengthy conversations that most people would love to have with other people at conferences like this. The sheer volume of people mixed with catching up with friends makes it hard. I know there were people at PME this weekend that I would have loved to sit down and have dinner or drinks with but we didn't have the time.
Of course, I come from an Appalachian background where you are taught to treat everybody pretty nicely - unless they are a real jerk, and then you just ignore them.
Pax,
MLO
Also, I'd say don't go with a list of goals and expectations about who or how many you're going to meet or what you're going to get done. Sure, if you know someone you've always wanted to meet is going to be there, then as you say, don't be shy, just say hello. But I prefer to just let the room and its people wash over me, try to have fun (duh), let my instincts guide me and see what happens.
Social events are for getting to know people, not getting things done, in my opinion. I'm always suspicious of formulas and recipes for how to work a room. Getting to know people, being genuine and making others comfortable pays dividends in the long run. It means they'll choose to work with you rather than someone else when the time comes to work.
::ducks::
And as a woman, I have to say I really appreciate your sensitivity in including the bit about being "non-creepy." Thank you.
If I could go back in time I would definitely change my perception of women. I remember having crushes when I was a teenager and feeling odd and weird around girls I like and it was mainly because I had a really warped view of them, seeing them as either a perfect goddess or a soul mate. Of course neither was true.
I think the best thing people on both sides of the conversation can do is to show interest by asking question and getting to know the person as opposed to our perceptions.
@Dr. Mani- Remember, we're all celebrity in our own fishbowls, right? So, I go with Justin Kownacki's definition of celebrity.
@CC - great points. Truly, as I've seen you embody them.
@MLO - Appalachian courtesy would serve more people well, all the way around.
@JoeC - yeah, the MESSAGE types immediately fade in my memory. Like, immediately.
Great stuff, guys!
How do YOU normally feel at these events? Comfy? Nervous? Do you think people consider you shy? I love when I find Internet-famous people who are actually really shy. Hell, *I* get shy from time to time.
At Expo on Friday, I had a new acquaintance to walk around and introduce to everyone and it had the opposite effect. It really made me open up and talk to even more people so she could have the benefit of meeting them.
As for you, Chris, I think I waved at you once during your PodCamp talk and then left you alone the rest of Expo. You were always surrounded by folks. (SMILE)
Douglas
Of course, it helps if you really want to know the answers. Asking a question then staring at the floor or over their shoulder while someone is answering isn't quite as effective.
Incidentally, the 'guy' who did lay the pickle on my Subway yesterday does know me! (Full disclosure: I made my own! ;) )
"How do YOU normally feel at these events?"
Nervous. Often. Either because I'm worried everyone will recognize me. Or because they won't!
All success
Dr.Mani
We're building all of these online social-networks and yet, in the comments sections, it appears that we're still trying to figure out how to be/or what being social is all about.
I'm not trying to make a point, just an observation, and I have a typically droll sense of humor - but, just throwing it in here to see if anyone else noticed it too?
If I weren't already doing a few things, I could write books on this to last a lifetime.
Always remember that they are there because they want to meet their fans, just as much as you are there to meet your idols.
1. Get clear in your mind your exact purpose in meeting the VWK.
2. Wait your turn.
3. Realize that you're going to get maybe 30 seconds with the person, and be satisfied with that.
4. Watch their body language while you're chatting - especially their eyes.
5. Have a closing line ready to avoid awkwardness.
6. It's ok to extend your hand first for a handshake.
7. It's not ok to grab.
8. Avoid (at all costs) trying to get their attention by calling out their name, loudly.
9. Keep the encounter short.
10. Try not to blubber.
11. Meet other people.
I go into more detail in the post on my blog...
**Nifty networking tip: if someone cool intros you to someone with "you two should really meet," don't stare + make them explain themself?
/me smiled politely, and moved on.
Maybe the tech events are different but I haven't ever experienced this at other events where I've been the one on display.
A year ago, I was overwhelmed by getting to meet CC in person; now we're good friends in real life. That to me is why this space is awesome. We all do have something to contribute.
The biggest barrier to all of this is a sense of self-confidence, and the ability to read subtle body language social cues. If you feel unworthy and timid, that shows. But also being too aggressive with other people shows as well. Just be you- and that's easily good enough.
I've been told by people who have watched me at events that I'm out there and interactionable... But that I talk too much.
Anyone have tips on fixing that?
JOHN DOE...that one is simple....when you are interacting with the audience, ask more open ended questions that will take the spot light off you..... or tape your mouth and do sign language....joking
Ok that last part is not true.
Brogan good stuff.
Bailey dig your sence of humor.
Dude talking about grabbing. Agreed, not cool.
When I go to events, I just be me. I loved the tips you gave here - they make a lot of sense. There were a couple of shy people at SOBCon08 and I was very conscious of that. I don't know if I lowered my voice but I do remember giving them enough bodily distance and speaking with a smile in my voice. I think they appreciated it.
And you - you made me comfortable when I was talking to you. Despite your presence on the Internet, I felt like you were another human being who likes to connect. Your eyes were very warm as was your overall body language. I vividly remember talking to you after your presentation. You have a magenetic presence. :)