chrisbrogan.com - Latest Comments in It’s All About You

Re: It’s All About You

Joe Alban — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:31:52 -0000

Great post. It is very easy, especially in my field, acupuncture and Chinese medicine, to talk about yourself, your training, your thought process, your approach, etc. The trick is to keep it other focused, and still bring out your uniqueness.

That is where there is a great balance, a yin yang relationship (forgive me) between the blog and the about page. The about page is yin, that means it is the foundation, the solid ground which says who you are and what you can do for the client. The Yang, which is more active, is more about the creating the personality, the teaching, going out to the internet world and getting known. But without the strong foundation, it will not attract anybody, it will just be waster cyber energy.

Sad to hear your favorite cafe is closing it's doors. I really liked their idea for the blog and was considering something a little similar for my blog about my acupuncture practice.

Re: It’s All About You

Adriel Hampton — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 23:35:31 -0000

I do pro bono communications and political consulting for friends and just about anybody who wants to talk about the stuff that interests me. Your advice is spot on, at least for someone like me who has absolutely NO PROBLEM talking about himself for sustained periods of time (hope that wasn't my "about" page you were looking at!).
I got similar advice from @krazykriz, a very smart Gov 2.0 guy, who recommended always starting out a training or consulting session by asking what the problems are that need solving. Sometimes I think I know, but that's not always so.
Along with asking questions, I find it's great to talk up what other people are doing. It adds to the community, and may create relationships that are ultimately going to be much more valuable than a back and forth with me.

Re: It’s All About You

Jasmin Tragas — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 15:56:36 -0000

Hi Chris. I've met the positive kind of people you describe. People who don't have much time, but always have time for others.People who take the time to stop, listen, and pay attention.
Recently I sat in a meeting where somebody was using two mobile phones under the table while people were talking. Perhaps he thought he was listening and able to multitask,but he certainly let us know what he thought was important. When I write on my personal blog I feel hyper-aware of when I am using 'I' too much. I really want it to be about others, although I guess the nature of personal blogging is that it pivots around my own view of the world. I would rather let people know what we have in common and why we should connect, rather than telling them they should read my blog because of any kind of self importance. Our stories and our backgrounds are part of what helps us to connect, the trick I find is not letting those stories become our identities.

Re: It’s All About You

Michael Slawin — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 17:38:00 -0000

Chris,

Once again a really great post. When I remember to listen more....learn more....I actually gain insight into myself. Have met some really wonderful people that are involved in the online space here in St Louis--one of the things they have in common is that they listen.

Thanks for the reminder--and thanks for listening!

Re: It’s All About You

chef max — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 00:14:39 -0000

Thanks for the post Chris. I was having a hard time with this today. I want to set myself up as an expert but I do not want to spend the time name dropping or talking about the places I worked. I know this will turn off people, as I would sometimes be turned off. Sometimes I find it really cool to listen to where people have been with thier lives. It may all just be in the story telling part of this.The balance, as in everything, is the hardest part to achieve.

Re: It’s All About You

Sasha Kane — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:14:51 -0000

Love this blog Chris. Lately have been a bit lost when it come to sane Social Media politics/policies. Recently Tweeted" If I were a brand what brand would I be...Only to come away red faced.

I agree it is all about the other person...All about the experience and the relationships Social Media draws you into.

By the way I love the picture on your blog. Looks like a happy memory for you and your little girl..So I guess will add one more to the list...It is also about the memories.

Good words Chris as always.

Re: It’s All About You

Kristen Park — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:38:52 -0000

Really love the disclosures part of your bio!

Re: It’s All About You

williamarruda — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:33:22 -0000

Thanks, Chris, for the important clarification on personal branding. It's not about you - but about how you can use who you are to add value to others - that's the power of personal branding. There are lots of misconceptions about personal branding - and the biggest being that personal branding means telling people about how great you are. Effective personal branding is actually about demonstrating your unique promise of value clearly and consistently with everything you do.

Best.
William
www.williamarruda.com

Re: It’s All About You

Mike McCready — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:24:31 -0000

I think this a great post and some great comments. I've been thinking a lot about being authentic and I think that goes hand-in-hand with what you're saying Chris. When someone comes off as arrogant or a know-it-all, they loose that sense of authenticity. Being authentic is about being genuine and sincere. How can a client think you are genuinely concerned about their business if you talk about yourself.

Working at a higher education institution, this is becoming particularly important. To slightly modify one of you statements in your post:

Which works better? An ad about how awesome your school is, or a student saying how awesome your school is?

I wrote a blog post with my thoughts on the subject.

Thanks for your post, it was a good read.

Re: It’s All About You

Joan Curtis — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:18:09 -0000

Hi Chris,

Great points. I coach some very dynamic, exciting people. There's no question that for me the best client is a person who wants to grow, learn and be the best. When talking with people, I tend to focus on those things. You bring up something so important to marketing. Many of the groups I work with are shy about marketing themselves (These are often entrepreneurs). Once I explain that they are not 'selling" themselves, they are learning about others. Their role when they meet someone is to learn more about them, i.e., to show a genuine curiosity about the other person. Even in networking events the goal is to gather cards, not to shove your card at every person you see. And, I might add, you need to gather cards from people with whom you connect, not with everyone.

Taking this concept a step further and into the social media--particularly Twitter, why is it we still get people shoving themselves at us? I get weary of the tweets that say, "Hello here I am, check out my whatever," before they know anything about me. Have you any tips for how to create a really good group of followers? Not just numbers, but people who understand the value of relationship? I read all your blogs and I'd love for you to share some ideas (I've read the rants).

Best and thanks!
Joan

Re: It’s All About You

Danny Brown — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:45:52 -0000

I think there's reasons for both sides of the coin.

We grow up, and generally our parents tell us "No-one likes a show-off" so we don't like to talk about ourselves. Even if it's in the *non-bragging* mould, we're lectured into believing that one word about ourselves is bad.

Then we go to school, and we're told that again. The sports team is exactly that - a team, and rightly so. Unless you're a solitary chess player, of course.

Then we go to work as young adults, and we're thrown into ice-breaker situations. Team meetings where our leaders say, "Right, you're turn - who are you, what do you want here? Go." Then we're told that the only way to succeed is to put yourself out there - no-one climbs the corporate ladder by being Mr. Nice Guy.

Then we die, and people don't really know what to say about us because we're this enigma that never really opened up (or opened up too much).

Conversation is the breeding ground for community. Community is the breeding ground for knowledge. Knowledge is the breeding ground for success. How do we start a conversation? By asking about others.

Do the math. :)

Re: It’s All About You

DDGriffith — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:50:21 -0000

Totally concur. Thank you for bringing such a valuable lesson to your pages. Never cease. Never tire. Please.

I would truly love to spend a length of time with you and do nothing but ask questions about you, your life, your likes (and dislikes), your loves and how you filter and experience the world around you.

In a generation some have labeled 'Gen Me', where as long as 'my' needs are met all is right with the world, more and more people seem to protect themselves from being vulnerable by isolating themselves in... well themselves.

"Try to please everyone and no one is pleased. Try to please yourself and at least one person is pleased." I believe this was attributed to PT Barnum who also said a fool was born every minute. Not exactly an attitude framed around creating, building and retaining relationships. We have digressed as a nation, and as a world community, from principle based relationships to personality based techniques.

Studies done in the late 1990's research what business would look like in the new millennium. Results coming back indicated that the future would look more like the past than the present. That there should be a return to the relationship based commerce done between people in neighborhood markets. Back to a time when the speed of life allowed taking time to earnestly andsincerely inquire about the people that you in fact owed your livelihood to. However, it was not done for the reciprocity. The reciprocity was a by-product of the relationship.

There is so much opportunity and potential to live in the question with peers and constituents today, recreating more of the past into the future, relationally and exponentially making use of all of the emerging social medias.

I appreciate a voice singing for this and appreciate, as I read other voices commenting in, a choir.

Re: It’s All About You

Emilie — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:18:27 -0000

Folks who are sincerely more interested in what the other person is saying, doing and thinking than getting in their own word or tidbit are truly able to convey the quality of their character, which is that they are gracious, confident and satisfied with themselves and do not worry about whether their point is going to be understood. These are my favorite people because with these people true conversations actually take place, rather than stressed verbal and emotional posturing.

Re: It’s All About You

Eddie Parber — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:32:39 -0000

You are dead on here. The person who did this better than anyone else I have ever sat down and had a conversation with was also probably the most successful business person I have talked with, former CEO of AFC enterprises (Popeye's Biscuts and Chicken) for 13 years. I met with him wanting to learn from his experiences and he kept keeping the conversation on me no matter how hard I tried to pick his brain!

But I look to Mr. Donald Trump to go against this mold. The man is a shameless promoter of himself saying, "If you don't promote yourself no one else will." It seems to get the job done for him, he's pretty dang successful. Maybe he wasn't such a promoter of himself while he was rising to the top.

So I'm not sure which policy is best for business but I do know that we should all probably shut up and listen to others more. Who do we all think we are?

Re: It’s All About You

Ria — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 11:19:17 -0000

"Plumb the depths..." Chris, you are such a wordsmith, I love it.

You'll only find head nodding from this corner. LISTENING is sooooo powerful. As a mom, there are many times when my kids make choices based on their unconscious need for my attention. As humans, I don't think we ever grow out of that need. We are all on a quest for connection. Listening provides the means. It's quite IRRESISTIBLE, don't you think?

Re: It’s All About You

Zach Heller — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:29:43 -0000

I have to agree with a lot of the comments here. Of course it is important to get your name out there, but what people don't realize at first is that just having conversations is getting your name out there. You don't have to brag or promote yourself at all times to get attention. Ask questions, answer question, and help others. This will win over a lot more people than just dropping your name into a space where it is neither wanted or accepted.

Thanks Chris

Re: It’s All About You

Chernee Vitello — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:29:25 -0000

Hi Chris -

I really enjoyed your post and reading your blogs. It is so important to build a strong relationship with your clients, to build trust. I think this is forgotten a lot of the time when people are pushing a product or service, they forget to ask questions to figure out who their customer really is.

Best -
Chernee Vitello

Re: It’s All About You

Lois Geller — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:22:09 -0000

This has always been true in direct marketing also. People listen to one radio station, WIIFM, What's in it for me?
If it is all about you...I don't care. Thanks for sending out this reminder to me too. Maybe I'll revisit some of my pompous bios on the web. YOU are the best.
Thank you.

Re: It’s All About You

Ole Emil Johnsen — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:19:53 -0000

A really great post. This is mirroring my philosofy exactely. For me it's important to learn how to ask the right questions to make people talk. Some are very easy to get going, while others are not. As a young founder in a my own small PR agency it takes time to build credibility. I use a lot of references to case studies and statistics to "self promote". Knowledge is gold, and I share as much of it as I can. This is always appreciated by my audience, but isn't always the most profitable way of doing business :)

Re: It’s All About You

Sharlene — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:16:20 -0000

Definitely. What's to realize is how we speak of others is always a reflection of ourselves. When we talk about ourselves directly, there's always something lacking whether it's tact or self-awareness, but when we talk about other people we're showing what we value in other people, are willing to learn, and that there's a genuine concern.

Of course a little self-deprecating humor goes a long way too to show that you've got your ego in check.

Re: It’s All About You

John Treadway — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:58:13 -0000

Chris - that may be too simplistic. Many people including serious extroverts need to work hard to being "you" focused. Some people do this naturally, and I have met shy types who are great at drawing you out in conversation. For many others, it's an acquired skill.

Sometimes an "I" focus can be mistaken for being self-centered. That can be wrong too as there are many aspects of our lives that train us to focus on ourselves -- like the very human need for attention. Do the students who listen and encourage others get as much attention as the ones with their hands up at every opportunity? Of course not. The quite ones often get lower grades due to low participation (think of your standard Harvard grading system), even though they may have great mastery of the subject. This dynamic is present at many workplaces too, and heavily motivates the strengthening of the I/me/my instinct.

@Susie - making you feel that you're the only person on the planet is the hallmark of many successful politicians. It's been said that face-to-face, Bill Clinton makes you feel like the king of the world even though he's doing all the talking.

John

Re: It’s All About You

Lisa Hickey — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:57:20 -0000

If someone, in whatever medium – real life, or advertising, or resume or tweet – gets me to think about the world in a different way, I immediately want to work with them. That’s why humor (think Superbowl commercials) often works, by definition you’ve caught me off guard, said something unexpected. But a demonstration of your abilities works just as well – you never have to say to me “I’m smart” or “I’m educated” or “I’m an expert” if you just say something that demonstrates that you are. In many ways, you have mastered the art of this, Chris, you are insightful, humorous and conversational (thus *demonstrating* your focus on others). You don’t tell me you are those things, you just are.

If it’s really *just* about the customer perspective, why won’t I click on a bio if it says “I’m here to help you make money on line?” or “Helping you be the best you can be?” Customer focused, right? Well, in addition to not being specific and believable, consider context: if I’m on Twitter, know that I’m looking for conversation. So if you answer the question: “Have you told me something about yourself that makes me think a conversation with you might be interesting?” then I’m halfway on the way to wanting to work with you.

Re: It’s All About You

Amy ~ @allaboutenergy — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:50:11 -0000

Chris, Love the picture A LOT and the post! Very astute observations! Interesting observations and suggestion by Rachel Burkot above. I would add, master the practice of sincerely being interested in others and casting number 1 aside often. You'll find that number 1 (you) are very well taken care of that way. Ask Seth

Werner Erhard once said,"the way to be interesting is to be INTERESTED".

All humans love to talk about themselves, so the way to be interesting to another is to be interested in them so that they can talk about themselves! The trick is to be SINCERELY interested and not just going through the motions. It doesn't work at all when you come out and start talking about yourself uninvited. That backfires!

I have observed that insecure people (more than shy) will begin with talk about themselves. They may also put others down. It's all an unconscious program that is acted out to "make them feel viable" in an intense world full of others they view internally as much better than they.

Shy people could go either way, talk about themselves or be interested in others.

IMO, it's mMuch more exciting and rewarding to be interesting by being interested in others... life moves at a fast clip, this may be the only opportunity to ask them about themselves. (You already know about you!)

So tell me a bit about you.... :-)

@allaboutenergy

Re: It’s All About You

Nakeva Corothers — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:48:45 -0000

Chris, my friends would say that I'm outgoing, amiable, and great with people. If I met you in person it is possible I would be shy at first and not want to talk about myself. I think this is because 1) I have a genuine interest in learning about other people and 2) It would seem like I had to prove myself depending on who started the conversation. I have many interests and people often don't know how to "label" me and put me in a comfortable bucket of reference from their life perspective. Sometimes it leads to more questions which keeps a conversation moving, or it leads to a quick conversation that ends in focus on them turning to the "I" mode, or they move on to someone else they can "classify."

It has been a fun experience taking more action to step outside my comfort zone and recognize the nature of people and being to share more about myself other than the surface details. I learn about myself and the other person simultaneously and we both walk away feeling that we gained value in knowing more about each other. The about me page on a blog has been a valuable tool for me because it starts a conversation and some people feel they know enough about me and want to connect. The virtual landscape present opportunities for people to share before hand and not feel egotistical should they end up talking about who they are and about their life.

Good post and now must revisit what my about me page says about me from where I am in life now compared to when I wrote it. That was hard to do in the first place, LOL!

Re: It’s All About You

virtualimpax — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:45:04 -0000

There's no way to create programming for that marketing favorite WIIFM (What's In It For Me) without first LEARNING what your customers want. Thanks for reminding us all that the greats got great by following the old Dale Carnegie advice - get what you want by helping other people get what THEY want!