chrisbrogan.com - Latest Comments in How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

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Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

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Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

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Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Vicky — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 12:09:54 -0000

A very well written article with many good points, but advice on several things I disagree with. The first being that you seem to promote adding people that you do not know, which I think is rather pointless and being rather too liberal with your information - unless you are doing it purely as a business-promoting action and your personal information/pictures are not available.

Secondly, personally I don't like it when people join hundreds of groups and remain inactive - if only a handful of groups appear on a person's profile it means that those groups actually mean something to that individual and that they haven't just joined 50 groups that they just happened to see.

Of course it is all just opinion. Everyone uses Facebook for different things - I use it to stay in touch with my friends around the country, others use it as a business tool. Some use it as some sort of cheap and easy popularity contest, which is always very sad to see.

But generally, well done!
Vicky

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Matthew Bibby — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:44:47 -0000

Thanks for the wonderful post.

I have been struggling with facebook, trying to find where it fits in the scheme of things. Much attention is given to how to manage, develop and operate successful outposts (Twitter, Vimeo groups etc.) however little has been said about how to best manage the outposts that you 'have' to have, however potentially provide little value.

I have just been and 'culled' a number of 'friends' from my Facebook page and am now wondering if I should just accept all friend requests and just log in to check birthdays :)

Keep up the great work!

Matt.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Marth — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:25:27 -0000

Is if there's a way to block other "friends" from seeing when you're on FB? It's annoying to go on FB and see other "friends" pop up. I feel like I'm in the same room with people I know, but choosing to ignore them. It's rude...and I don't like to be rude...but I prefer to FB alone.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Dat To — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 07:09:45 -0000

Thank you for your information on what not to do. You should invite people to a teleseminar... just kidding. These social platforms are so exciting that people like myself just jump on and start spewing on people and not understanding that the medium has changed, but the way of interacting with human beings hasn't.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Darlene — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:46:31 -0000

I use FB, Twitter and LinkedIn and have found ways to make each of them work for me. I don't care for the spam emails. I limit any promo stuff I send to people who join my groups or are fans. I do like to be mindful of geographical location. Seems silly to send an invite to an Austin event to someone who doesn't live here!

I really love that FB has brought me back in touch with old classmates (even ones I wasn't close with in school), current colleagues and friends, and I've been careful about who I accept as friends by checking out their profile and figuring out which friends we have in common.

The apps for the most part annoy me, but occasionally I play along when I'm feeling silly. Otherwise I ignore a lot of them. I've been able to get business leads and help through Facebook and have built some connections with people I never thought I would, so it's been great. I think Facebook is a wonderful way to get a peek into friends' lives. I learn so much about people and it's a bit more intimate than the random email. I feel like I keep in touch with the people I like in Facebook.

With Twitter I feel more free to share in random conversation. I have rather loose rules on who I friend. I've only been offended a couple of times and in those cases simply unfollow those people. Twitter is great for business, for discovering great new stories, and it's just not very serious. And I'm making new friends this way.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

WoodysWorldTV — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 11:21:04 -0000

I think there needs to be an honorable mention for "not being a jerk in Facebook" about controlling your friends.

Most of us use Facebook in a blend of personal and professional purposes. Many of your professional friends hope not to get bogged down with status updates of you tossing fuzzy animals or snowballs at one another--or worse yet, them. And, most of your personal friends don't care to get bogged down about the true media value of the impressions from your latest blog (although some of mine do...haha).

But, the biggest catch in that mix is controlling friends from tagging you in a picture of you at a kegger doing your favorite lampshade trick. You get tagged, and all-too-quickly it is served up to all your professional friends who now know you look good in a lampshade. Not to mention, if they're a little savvy, the rest of the album is fair game as well.

I live my life somewhat openly and I'm pretty consistent across the board, but I still know there's a few minutes in my life I'd rather not have shared with my clients. Just sayin...

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Jilly — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 10:11:05 -0000

poking = creepy

I'm at 576 requests for application downloads, I don't want a snowball fight, and I have no interest in zombie wars = meh

the friend who sends a personal note and posts it on my main page

Human pets - You've be Pet. wtf does that mean? I've been pet?

Save the rainforest = so and so has saved 8 square meters of rainforest -yeahhh, mkay.

And finally, the app is slow like molasses.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

April, the i specialist — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:12:54 -0000

I was glad to read your post, and also happy to read comments by Julie Baker and Justin. I've been debating what to do about my "friends", too. I was thinking about keeping FB only for personal use. I don't have a lot of FB friends yet, and only one is a former co-worker. After reading through the rest of the comments, though I think that I like the idea of blurring the line a bit (it makes things easier), but only adding people I actually know as friends (sorry, I don't remember who said that). I like having a social network that's just people I haven't seen in 20 years and people that I still know well -- without either of us trying to promote anything to each other.

@Chris - Funny you mentioned the photo. I actually just uploaded one today. My preteen took it and I've been using it on all my sites. He's been trying to help and I finally found a good contribution for him.

I tend to ignore applications,too. I don't know what they do or what information they get access to -- so I just let those requests sit.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Becky Williamson — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:39:51 -0000

Great post, Chris. Haven't been to your blog before. Will definitely visit again.
I'm relatively new to social networking (less than a year on Facebook and Twitter) and I'm always interested to learn how to best use the sites and not be a jerk.

Becky Williamson
www.beckywilliamson.com

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

gavin — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:04:23 -0000

as a youth pastor who uses facebook, the birthday feature is gold for me. i'll try to not be a jerk.. are we even friends on fb?

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Doug — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 19:38:35 -0000

Just to sound like an old grey haired guy for second, the kids have this all figured out.

I listen to my teenagers talk about their extensive facebook relationships and they have rules for who gets added when, who gets ignored when and for what reason, what happens when you poke someone, what the criteria are for deletion, etc... The rules are complex, elaborate and well understood by their communities. Some one needs to send Margaret Mead out to the field to study this strange new tribe.

Us old folks are just catching up with them, or trying to keep up with them as they zoom away on their advanced social network skills.

Doug

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Hunny — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:39:08 -0000

The ways you have mentioned are good, I think. A human approach is required before selling the product n only in this way we can add more users to our friend network.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Steve Nimmons — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:55:12 -0000

I can tolerate just about anything on Facebook except people making sarcastic or uniquely witty remarks about my status or photos. That can be really annoying, especially if it's from someone I don't know well. Death by application can be a bit tiresome, and the join this group, join this cause, attend this event 'chatter' can be a bit grating. Filters would be useful, for example don't invite me to events in Paris when I'm based in London. There are ways to make that more sophisticated of course, but a preference filter would really help shield the invite noise.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Kris Adams — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 04:05:21 -0000

Facebook etiquette :)

Thats a funny topic. Man, facebook is popular..

Thanks for the post though. I think your idea of sending a
regular email for a HAPPY BIRTHDAY message is cool. As if you go to their profile on someone's birthday, it is littered with birthday messages.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Angel Galloway — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 22:15:12 -0000

I am surprised that nobody has mentioned what I consider a major FFP...updating to all your friends about how someone else you know won't friend you?

As you can see from the comments, different people have different comfort levels with regards to their interactions on any given social media platform. Some do not want to interact with business associates, only friends. Others interact with both freely. Beyond overtly spammy behavior, understanding how each person wants to interact on any given platform and respecting that is key if you're going to use the platform, don't you think?

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

steveellwood — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:34:15 -0000

I have both friends (dating back to school) and work colleagues on Facebook. I don't mind mixing the two, as I want to be able to build trust with folk - so they see me as I am... whether that's a good or bad thing I leave to them.

I won't accept friend requests from people I don't know (usually, I know folk online rather than F2F), and I don't add applications from *anyone*.

Spam me, lose me as a contact.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Laura — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 10:53:13 -0000

Thank you for echoing my sentiments! I've got a lot of classmates there dating up to preschool, bu if we don't chat regularly, don't start hitting me up for special online favors and don't invite me to every application you want to try just for the heck of it.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Scott Monty — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:58:15 -0000

Not sure how much I can add after 50 very thoughtful comments, but here's my take on the spammy Facebook activity that I've been the victim of.

Social networking is like a cocktail party. Think about it: you're at a party, quietly talking with a circle of 5 friends or so, when suddenly, the door bursts open, a loud guy comes in and skirts around the room handing out his business card to everyone, and then leaves.

Not much of a meaningful interaction, is it? Have you created an impression? You bet. But is it a lasting and valuable impression. No way.

Social networks are no different. Use some common sense.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Giovanna Garcia — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 00:04:27 -0000

Hi Chris

you information is very helpful as usually. But the funniest thing is that FB spammer guy has been spamming me too. I am think about un friend him. What do think?

Giovanna Garcia

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Stacy Lukas — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:34:43 -0000

(Okay, so that ended up being a giant comment probably better suited for its own post, too. Whoops.)

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

Stacy Lukas — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:33:35 -0000

I just wrote a giant comment here relating to this but then realized that I went off on my own tangent and decided it was better left for a blog post of my own in the near future.

Instead, I'm bringing myself back to the original questions at hand. I agree with @Lolly, who said "if you're going to invite me to an event, at least make sure it's in my own country."

This past week I got the same invite 5+ times from a former college classmate who now lives in England, and he's in some drama group there. Good for him, I thought, but 1) I'm across the pond, and 2) He barely said a word to me in the classes we had together, I sincerely doubt he wants me to support his acting club THAT much. If I get the invite again, I'm deleting him and telling him good luck and break a leg with the spamming.

In general, I only add people on Facebook that I either know in real life, have met online via Twitter, or know are in the same online "circles" as me. I got a friend request yesterday from a 17 y/o girl I had never heard of that lived in a local metropolis, went to her profile looking for clues as to know I might know her, and saw that she had 2000+ "friends." Obviously, I denied her request and am not going to be another number in her popularity collection. I graduated from high school longer ago than I'd like to admit, and I'm not about to jump back into that arena.

Personal v. professional? Like it or not, the line will always be blurred no matter how hard you try to separate them. Knowing this, I don't bother trying. I'm just myself and that's all I know how to be. If people in my personal circle don't want to know about what I'm doing say, in the local chamber of commerce, they can still enjoy looking at pictures of my cats. If chamber members don't want to look at my cats, tough. They don't have to, and I'm still active in their circles doing things with them online and off.

I think the bottom line is that people need to stop trying to separate their two "lives" and just accept the fact that the two will always overlap in some capacity. Instead of separating personal/professional, think about how you can use the tool (and yes, Facebook is a tool) to propagate both.

Re: How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

yabbi — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:37:23 -0000

I HOPE facebook does NOT become a haven for business marketing. How insipid and annoying is that? That'll kill it faster than you can type myspace. What is it with marketers that they think such things will work for them? The ads on facebook are bad enough. They've already ruined cable. Back when Pay TV was first touted, it was supposed to be commercial free. Now they cram it with commercials AND you pay for it, plus they track everything you watch, commercials included. That plus all the snooping that goes on with your credit/debit cards and at the supermarket. Marketers are their own worse enemy, they annoy the heck out of people, but we civilians are losing the battle against them.