chrisbrogan.com - Latest Comments in Guest Post- On Being Shy

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Pia Cindy — Fri, 20 May 2011 06:45:35 -0000

The suggestion in this site gives to share your own experiences of being shy with a timid child. This seemed to help many children feel less anxious.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Inflatable Combos — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 06:17:44 -0000

That's cool.Me and a friend are currently working on a research on this subject for a school project and your article is really useful

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

modern baby toddler — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 11:35:44 -0000

Making people feel comfortable can get you to a place you never expected before. Try it.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

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Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

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Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

gucci new jackie — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 09:09:29 -0000

While I'm fine online, I person I tend to lock up. Hopefully I'll be able to incorporate some of your tips when I go!

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

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Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Sancia — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 03:44:32 -0000

Hi,
Thanks for all the info.
For me, i especially find that once i have known some one for enough time i can become totally out-going and some people would describe me as 'life of the party.'
However when it comes to meeting new people, i become nervous and tense and often notice that i hide in the corners or slag behind. My main problem is talking to groups of people, as when i find myself with only one person, i can let myself be more relaxed and i'm not so shy.
What i find helps is if you are with a well-known friend who can help you introduce you to this person.
I am starting high-school next year and i realise that i have to met alot of new people. Just today, a person from one of the orientation days, said hello to me and i instantly became self-concious and shy.
For others, I find that a 20-30 minute sessions of Yoga can help releif stress. Well, at least Yoga is a better way for realising stress than screaming into my pillow for 10 minutes???
Thanks again. And good luck to all who others who are wanting to overcome shyness..

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Peter Carter — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:55:56 -0000

Great post. I think sometimes though that shyness can be self-perpetuating in the sense that if you - I mean I - cut yourself off from strangers at the outset at a meeting/conference/seminar then you will remain cut off. And feel even more self-conscious.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Shama Hyder — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:56:40 -0000

GREAT guest post by Mark.

One more tip. This is the "so what?" tip. Underneath all the shyness is a fear that people won't like you. If you approach new people with an openness and a "so what?" attitude (sans the arrogance), it will fare MUCH better.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

mark_hayward — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:16:11 -0000

Hi Cath - thank you for your kind words. :) Running the B&B and (now) meeting new folks everyday it really does surprise me how much easier introductions go when you make the other party comfortable...

Hi Zoey - it is truly amazing how much networking we do online! I think next week I might actually try to keep track of how much time I am on twitter, etc. And I agree about the silences, I actually like them, but I think that is when other people tend to get nervous.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Jennifer Bullock OwYoung — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:15:33 -0000

I agree that having a challenge or goal will help a lot. I was determined to overcome my shyness when I attended BlogHer a few months ago. I told myself, if I was spending that much money to be there, then I was going to make the most out of it I could.

Sometimes for events that last a few days it is good to find a buddy (unless you already came with one.) Once you find someone that has a few similar interests, it'll help having a familiar face in a crowd. Don't cling, but set up a few times to meet up during the event.

Also it helps to have a place you can go to "turn off" for a moment if you need to gather yourself. It could be your hotel room, a cafe, gardens on the grounds of the hotel the event is at.. etc. Take a moment, breathe, shake out the sillies and head back in!

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Zoey Jordan — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:57:31 -0000

I am glad to see this topic covered - especially considering how much time we all spend networking ONLINE, aka not-in-person. One thing that has always helped me when addressing a group is telling myself these folks are interested in what I have to say. It helps me eliminate any self-doubt before it has the chance to creep in.

I'd also add that it helps when meeting in person to be comfortable with the silences. Sometimes we can feel compelled to fill up those silences, but it's okay to let them be! We don't always have to be "on"!

Thanks for this great post Mark!

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

The Fitness Diva — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:18:39 -0000

These are great tips on how to combat and overcome shyness, not only for business situations, but in general.
Like everything else, for some, it takes practice.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Liana — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:56:02 -0000

Great post, Mark. I especially enjoyed reading your tip about making others feel comfortable. When you don't make the meeting or networking about you, it helps ease the expectation you put on yourself about what the person you are meeting is thinking about you. When I remove the focus from myself and work on getting to know the other person, it's generally smooth sailing.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

cathlawson — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:18:10 -0000

Hi there Mark - I'm quite lucky. I guess I'm not too shy but it hasn't always been that way. I was ill for a good few years and it totally shot my confidence. I was afraid to leave the house alone, never mind attend a conference.

I like your last tip best - making other folk feel comfortable. There's always likely to be folk that feel a lot more uncomfortable than you and it's a good idea to scan the room, look out for them and make them feel involved.

What a brilliant guest post by the way. I love reading Chris's blog and yours too - it's nice to see you over here.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

mark_hayward — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:48:14 -0000

Hey Erica - you are definitely not alone! I think "shyness vaporlock" (as you so eloquently put it) affects many of us seemingly confident people. It's how we choose to deal with the shyness that determines our existence.

Hi John - open ended questions...fantastic recommendation! That is actually how I greet most of the guests that come to stay with us and I find that it makes them comfortable right off the bat and in turn takes the pressure off of me.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

John P. Kreiss — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:46:23 -0000

There is a lot of great information in this post. One thing that has worked for me personally in these types of questions include having a couple of open-ended questions focused on the other party. This requires the person to talk about themselves and they end up doing the work which makes it easier for shy people like myself.

The next key is to listen and use paraphrasing when necessary to make sure you understand the message being communicated. If you're doing more listening than talking in these settings, chances are you're doing a good job at relationship building.

John P. Kreiss
MorganSullivan, Inc.
http://www.johnpkreiss.com

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Erica — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:47:09 -0000

So glad you touched on this! There is so much great information out there about connecting, but this is also my experience. I'm confident otherwise, but have some sort of latent shyness in person that trips me up ALL. THE. TIME.

I'm glad I'm not alone, and definitely will use these tips next time I'm faced with some shyness vaporlock.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

mark_hayward — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:03:23 -0000

*Hey Michael - "sociable-ness" has been duly added to my dictionary. :) Great new term for a Monday morning!

*Hey Shonika - Toastmasters is a great organization. I am quite fortunate on the public speaking front because as a former Peace Corps volunteer I had to do presentations on a daily basis (and in a different language). As long as I have prepared well for the talk I actually enjoy public speaking....strange, I know, but I think it came with so much practice.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Shonika Proctor, Teen Biz Coac — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 09:20:10 -0000

Hi Mark,

What a very timely post. I work with teen entrepreneurs and although people tend to think they have a no fear attitude about anything and everything, truth be told, they share a lot of these same feelings and insecurities.

I TALK alot to people in the street, on the bus, in line at the grocery store, the elevator, lol, but I also remember when I was young, speaking up and speaking out, was very much encouraged. My family went to a lot of socials, festivals, community and family events and not only were we 'coached' to make small talk with !!!everyone!!!! we also had to remember names and how people were connected (young and old alike). So today I find that to be an invaluable skill as it makes my world feel a little smaller these days. As for how it comes about I think that many of the people I know it was quite the opposite growing up for most of my peers. They say when they went to outings and family events they were taught to be on their 'best behavior' which many parents translated to sit down and keep quiet. So I don't believe that it comes as any surprise that many people share these feelings and sentiments.

What has helped my youth a great deal is signing up for a toastmasters class (www.toastmasters.org) to overcome their general fear of speaking in public and interacting with people. Then when they build their confidence up they were with a speaking coach. It is also a great resource for those who want to craft their speech for their conferences.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

Michael Martine - Remarkablogg — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:55:54 -0000

I'm actually a pretty shy person. I can "do" big social gatherings if I mentally prepare for it in advance. I do this because I know how important it is to make connections and get to know others. I want to improve my relationships with those around me, but at the same time, the crush can get a bit overwhelming. Simply leaving the scene a bit early often helps if I feel like I've had enough sociablen-ness (Is that even a word? It is now!).

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

LizS — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:45:47 -0000

Hi Mark

I'm one of those folks who's inwardly terribly shy and outwardly gregarious. So most people don't believe it when I tell them I'm shy. One strategy that's worked for me is realizing that the other person is likely in the same boat as I, even if they are the SM "stars" or something along those lines. Removing my preconceptions of the other person evens the playing filed and adds a bit of comfort and boost.

Re: Guest Post- On Being Shy

mark_hayward — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:07:18 -0000

*Hi Ryan - when I head to any conference I try to be as well prepared as I can and those are fantastic additional tips that you offer above!

*Lyndon - best of luck to you at Word Camp. :)

*Hey Liz Strauss - nice to me you, too!