DISQUS

PragueBob · 4 months ago

I am glad to see that you haven't succumbed to the belief many people now seem to hold that you can't follow a lot of people "meaningfully". I have absolutely no problem with my 65,000 mutual contacts on Twitter, because I didn't "auto-follow" any of them and I never (even when it was only 100 and not 65,000) tried to follow every tweet, nor do I think this is important to do. In fact, this new vogue of not following many people is a lie perpetrated first by the Twitter founders because their technology is so lousy they don't WANT you to follow many people, and second by people who realized way too late that they should NEVER have auto-followed anyone, because that's a sure-fired way of filling your stream with spam and other nonsense. Occasionally I un-follow someone in my stream for tweeting spam or other nonsense, but this is more like picking small pieces of lint off a dark suit, I have a nice interesting stream even with 65,000 and when I refresh my page (I only use the web client) I always find something interesting.

Coree · 4 months ago

I tend to look at Linked In a little different than other social networks. I have more friends on other networks, but on Linked In I keep it more trimmed down to people on a more professional level.

When it comes to recommendations I learned a lesson the hard way. I had a coworker that worked with me at my last job. He was later let go, started his own business then asked me for a recommendation on Linked In. I did, and nearly started another business with him...until I found out he was using my credit card and my name to promote his other work. Wish I could take the recommendation back now. Lesson learned.

Jonathan R. Rivera · 4 months ago

I'm with you Coree, I save my Linked In contacts to people I have actually done business with. I see it as my online professional Rolodex.

Ricardo Bueno · 4 months ago

I've been asked for recommendations on LinkedIn from people who are "acquaintances" of mine but with whom I've never had an actual working relationship. As such I'm hesitant of course to offer a recommendation right away. Why wouldn't I be? I'm sure they're great but it's difficult for me to speak about them not having had an actual working relationship. I'm sure this is discomforting for some but hey, it's fair in my opinion.

By the way, I think the note that you offered in the closing paragraph is a very appropriate way to handle such a situation (thank you).

Brad Hanks · 4 months ago

Like you Chris, I'm a promiscuous social networker. I don't believe I'm endorsing anyone or creating a strong relationship by the act of "friending" or simply connecting on these networks. But I'm open for a chance to create a stronger relationship as time goes by and the engagement is there. Thanks for providing a great post, and special thanks for your tactful response to those whom you can't vouch for personally that are soliciting recommendations. I've been presented with this scenario now serveral times myself, and while my response is similar, it's not as concise. I hope you won't mind if I "borrow" some of it.

Mark Aaron Murnahan · 4 months ago

Excellent observations have been made here! I often find that friending somebody I see actually communicating with my friends to be valuable, but trusting that they have made any judgement at all about the people that they "friend" is useless. Now, If I see a friend having a great chat with somebody, I may see that as more of an endorsement, or just want to know more about this friend of a friend who seems to be pretty cool and engaging. If somebody says "Mark, you should meet this person ... you will get along great" then I call it an endorsement. Short of that ... Beware: if you friend everybody that I friend, you may ... no ... you WILL be let down by some of them. Please do not blame me for that! If you would like to hear my opinion of somebody, I am happy to give it straight, but it is often just a shrug of my shoulders with an "I don't know ... take a chance."

Greg Pincus · 4 months ago

I view this, whether it's on linkedin or elsewhere, as the difference between saying "Yes, I know xxxx" and writing a letter of recommendation for them. They're totally different offline... and online as well.

The immediate familiarity we tend to feel online - hey, I read your blog and tweets and really KNOW you - probably makes people cross the line into what would be an inappropriate offline ask quite easily and innocently. Like you, I've found that an honest, direct reply is the most effective... and often leads to constructive conversation, in fact.

John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises) · 4 months ago

There is no one right way to manage your "friends" on LinkedIn or Facebook or Twitter or FriendFeed or wherever. In fact, your friending strategies may change over time; for example, I initially restricted my Facebook friending to people I had personally met, but eventually expanded my Facebook circle to people whom I had only met virtually. However, my Facebook circle is still much smaller than my FriendFeed and Twitter circles.

Regardless of how you regard friending, it is important for you to know how each of your "friends" treat friending and endorsements, and base your endorsement requests on common sense. At the present time, I would not request an endorsement from you, since our interactions have primarily been in the form of infrequent blog comments, and we have never had a professional working relationship. Even a professional working relationship may not be enough to request an endorsement; does the guy who worked in Office Services 15 years ago remember anything about my work at the time?

david horne · 4 months ago

Chris I agree, Friending is not connecting. I like to cast a big net and from that find the folks I identify with or like. Then my hope is to connect and dialogue with those. The filtering process helps me find relevance and hopefully mutually beneficial connections.

Endorsements and Recommendations are validated stamps of approval. Because sincerity and authenticity are in play here, they are reserved for past personal experience. I also think the value of the recommendations are cheapened if given out too liberally. What makes it gold to the recipient is the exclusivity. Thoughts?

andrewmueller · 4 months ago

Spot on Chris and sage advice for anyone looking to build valuable networks of credible folks. The endorsements you make reflect back on you. The people you connect with also reflect back on you but with much less effect than those you endorse. Interestingly the people who get the most endorsements are usually the best networkers not necessarily the most deserving of endorsement.

Ari Herzog · 4 months ago

You say poTAYto, I say poTAHto--which may mean nothing to someone not on LinkedIn, but to each of us, our different pronunciations translate into vast differences in how and why we use the community.

As I state in the "contact settings" section of my LI profile:
*****
I only accept LinkedIn connections to people I've physically met, spoken on the phone with, or frequently interact with online (blogs, tweets, social networking sites). Ultimately, I only connect to people I can trust and respect; and presume the same reciprocally.

The above would not hold true if you are a recruiter or someone interested in offering me a job or a partnership or something similar. If this is you, please indicate such in your introductory message to me when requesting to be connected.

P.S. If you're sending me a request to connect, please edit the default message so I know *why* you're requesting it, especially if I don't know you.

You are encouraged to email me at ariherzog@gmail.com or call me direct at 502.437.9641 if preferable. Thanks.
*****

And that's the key. Given your use of LinkedIn, your blog post makes sense. But given my use, I disagree with the content as there's less question why I do what I do on the site.

christianjacobsen · 4 months ago

Ari, I think you have tapped into a deeper idea here, and I would like to expand on it...

If you befriend everyone who ever asks, then those connections are meaningless. Your "network" has no value to me, so I won't look at it.

On the other hand, people who only connect with people they can vouch for will - by the simple act of friending them - add value to the relationship. My sister does this with her network, and she is an inveterate networker. If you see someone listed as a "friend" of my sister, that means that she knows this person and can vouch for them. That means something.

Therefore, simply looking at her list of friends is like my own personal high-quality yellow pages. Need a copywriter? Check my sister's network. There's Chris Haddad. Call him. No need to even think about it, or sort through tens (hundreds?) of nobodies.

As the digital representation of ourselves grows online, scarcity will define value. Do I want to see 12,000 mediocre photos in your Flickr stream? Absolutely not. And, I will tune you out because the signal-to-noise ratio is too low. But if you only post outstanding photos - be it 10 or 100 - I'll look at every single one of them. High signal, low noise.

When people start looking at their Networks like this, then "Your Network" will become valuable. Right now, there is no way for me to get any meaningful content from someone who has 1,000 people in their network, so it is just more noise on the internet to me.

(I do see value in Chris' befriending everyone and weeding out the bad ones later, but that makes his network only of value to HIM. That list has only marginal value to me, and I am going to have to dig hard and use corroborating sources to find the gems in there.)

Jamie Favreau · 4 months ago

I tend to not recommend anyone I have NOT worked with in some form. I find it is hard to do that if you haven't worked with them.

I am more of an open networker but if you don't explain how I know you and why I should add you or try and sell me something then I am NOT adding you. Just not going to happen.

I do believe by having a somewhat open policy you are able to connect with more people and might be able to help someone along the way. An example of this happened yesterday at a tweetup. Someone was looking for a seamstress and one of my contact's Mom's is one. So I connected them and I have never met the person but I have seen her endorsement's for her Mom. So I thought I would pass her name along because the worst thing which can happen is he says, "No."

This is not really an endorsement I am just passing a name along and if he chooses to use it then it is gold. I have never used her and I never said I did. So I am not sure if I broke some networking rule.

Sheamus · 4 months ago

It's a good post Chris but I think the distinction between 'real' (offline) and online friends continues to blur with each year (month?) that passes. (Cheeky link to be found here.) Using Twitter as an example, while I don't think following somebody is necessarily an endorsement for all, for many (including myself) it is. Moreover, Twitter's most-adopted endorsement mechanism - the #followfriday - is so abused and misused to be almost entirely redundant.

I think your LinkedIn policy is fine - for LinkedIn. For other social networks, especially those that place a greater emphasis on content sharing and engagement, a follow should be an endorsement. Following for the sake of it or to be polite is worthless, and I propose will be seen as increasingly so over the months and years to come. Friend somebody because they're interesting and relevant, not because it's 'right'. (Your 'ideas' list would seem to support this.)

Daniel Sevitt · 4 months ago

I've always had a problem with promiscuity. I started writing for a review site years ago and refused to make anybody my "buddy" because I didn't really know them and couldn't see the point of the feature. I remember that this was a real issue for some people and it limited my audience.

It was my first lesson in building online relationships.

MartinMG · 4 months ago

Interesting thoughts... bit like mine. The first step for any kind of business relationship is trying to get to know the opposite better... and this has become much easier when you get connected with someone via LinkedIn or XING (in Europe). The idea is always to give the relationship a chance to become stronger and more powerful. You create a picture by having more information and details about that contact. But... This might be completely wrong if you meet the person in real life. Sometimes the engagement of people on online networks create more online reputation than some people can stand for in the offline world....

TIQ1 · 4 months ago

Very timely post - after seeing, and responding, to your request for LinkedIn requests on Twitter, I had to ask myself why you would do that. It never occured to me to ask for a recommendation, as, like you, recommendations come only to those deserving of them in my awareness (I'm sure plenty of others deserve a recommendation, but I don't know them or the quality of their work and will not risk my reputation on a maybe).

I was very pleased to have had you read my mind and am in complete agreement with almost everything you wrote (this time). My on-line reputation is as important to my business as my personal reputation is to my social life (and to my business) and the ability to make connections for people that I care about or whom I believe truly deserve it is key to my ability to make each day count a little bit.

Thanks for putting my mind to rest on this subject - really, I was curious why you did that - and now I can spend that time putting together ways to use social media for all of the good things it can do and create. As always, enjoy reading and learning from you, Chris, but I'm not following everyone who follows you. I guess it really boils down to quality versus quantity. Quantity is fine in a list, but quality is reserved for the places where it affects my online reputation. As a wordsmith, i can honestly say that "friending" means, at least to me, that I am only temporally aware of your existence. A "Friend" is a whole different story. A friend is someone who I am in regular communication with, either virtual or face-to-face and with which there is some kind of history that we have created together. There are the right times and the right places for each. The lines are only blurred if we allow ourselves to blur them.

Thanks again.

Laurent Rozenfeld · 4 months ago

Great post Chris!
First of all, I like the way people write in the comments “friend” or “buddy”; for some reason, I always thought these were not the right words to use in social networks.

In French, you have different gradations for friendship, such as “copain”, “pote” and “ami”. These show how well you know a person, and how close you are. While you can have many copains and potes, you probably will have less than a handful of amis, if any. In English you have less words to describe types of friendship (or at least less are used), hence the fact that the word “friend” is overused and abused. I think it’s something cultural and related to Germanic languages, but I might be wrong.

I once recommended a doctor who was the father of a REAL friend. This same doctor made a mistake during the operation leaving an annoying scar. Though it can happen to any one, your conscience doesn’t forget it easily.

Since then, I only endorse people I really trust for serious matters, on the other hand, I easily recommend a good product I purchased or a place to go; at the end of the day, it’s a question of taste.

Another point is that before giving a endorsement, I’m asking myself, who am I to do it. Is my recommendation actually relevant?
It’s one thing to say that someone is a smart worker, very competent, etc. but it also depend on the job he’s applying for. Is he competent for that specific work?
Therefore, before giving a recommendation, I also ask how the person is going to use it.

osnatbresler · 4 months ago

The differentiation between, and clarifications.about, online friending, endorsing and reputation, is most timely. I have been deliberating the pros and cons of the issues you analyzed in this post, ever since I decided to take my business "online".

Since I am in the networking business, my aim is to create as many new relationships as I can, using the various social networks. So I do follow everyone back, and friend anyone who wants to friend me, but I do not want to be spammed, nor do I want to stay friends with people whose posts I find offensive. Being swamped with lots of input can also be a problem, unless it`s really worth-while taking the time to follow, as it is in your case, Chris, when your input is very often so valuable. :)

Thanks for your advice on how to manage "friending", and especially on how to deal with recommendation requests!

NikkiPilkington · 4 months ago

Makes absolute sense to me - being connected to someone doesn't mean you're saying they're good at what they do.

Sometimes I think people give endorsements because they think they have to, or feel guilt tripped into it because someone has asked, but a simple polite refusal and a reason why is better than a false endorsement.

deanholmes · 4 months ago

Chris,

Interesting post. LinkedIn is one of the places I began Social on some 3+ years ago. I too connect with anyone but follow the same rules on recommendations.

Having 9,000+ connections 1st degree on LinkedIn, I get calls all the time from people to help them in some capacity, which is why I maintain a big network.

So to that, connect with me on LinkedIn at http://linkedin.com/in/deanholmes and use the email (to.deanholmes@gmail.com) and see for yourself why many CEO's contact me directly, as well as many others. I still love Twitter though :)

Thanks

Dean
http://deanholmes.me
http://twitter.com/deanholmes

bridget_cooks · 4 months ago

Great post Chris. Thanks.

One word: guanxi ;-)

gialyons · 4 months ago

Fiercely interested in this topic, so thanks for posting! I asked my Twitter network about a month ago, "Does following equal recommending?".. here's what they said: http://giatalks.com/blog/follow-me-here/. Like many posters, I've been asked to recommend people simply because we got our paychecks from the same company. That's a no-go for me.

I'm focused more on what happens inside large organizations, since recommendations seem to have even more weight within a finite community ("Gee, I have coffee with her every day, but I don't really know if she's any good at her job.").

Bottom line: I can only recommend people for their skills that I have personally witnessed.

loususi · 4 months ago

woah ... Chris ... right on!

i think we have the same social web translation devie or something, because i too am a bit flirtatious in my friendings and pretty much openly invite and accept friend requests ... i look at these sites as a tool or means to not only connect w/ people, but to also express myself in new and interesting ways ( never before possible prior to the social web ) ...

the term and activity i would like some clarity on is the 'poke' ;] ... i got in trouble a while back for 'poking' a friend of a brand new friend, right? and as much as the term 'poke' could be thought of in some psychoSexual way, i was thinking of it more along the lines of tapping someone on the shoulder ... after all, at least a year or so back, poking meant that you were now allowing someone else to check out your full Facebook Profile and all the interactive goodness you might have put up on it over time and space ...

... but, now ... back to friendliness ...

i think what you propose here makes a lot of sense ... keep a list of your own friends like in your back pocket or something ... no one should have access to that list buy you and maybe your inner circle, right? it shouldn't be the way you think of your activity in online networking ...

another note ... i am also trying to put out a certain kind of crazyHappy, positive energy in my social webbedness recently ... to express a certain mindset and ideaGeneration capability using Facebook and LinkedIn Groups in combination w/ my own unwieldy batch of online presences ... so, through this energy and designerly approach to my web persona ( which is veryMuch my offline personality anyhow ) i am trying to attract likeminded, excited and slightly 'out there' prospects and clients ... to join forces and conquer the world ... ( all for fun, fun for all! ) ... and so far, its been workin' out well ... its been pretty amazing ...

and in regards to the endorsementure ... i agree 123% in what you put up there in this blogEntry ... endorse only those you might consider hiring yourself ... keep your reputation in mind ... make sure you can endorse that connection w/ an almost cartoonish fervocity, and if not, don't endorse them ...

i do think that endorseability could indeed be a parametric function of time ... i know several people that in the deepest depth of friendship and workedness have put in the old LinkedIn endorsement request to me ... and at the time of the request there was something, just something small inside me that would say 'hey, Lou ... uhm, don't do it ... remember the time ...' and that voice would point up and out to like 3 things that made the person a little offstance w/ my reputationBase ... a little warning coming directly from the heart that just said in its antiNike-like way 'just DON'T do it' ... and luckily, when trusting in matters of the heart, the voice was like SO right ... SO right ... but i can totally imagine a time in the future when these very people, due to some new face-to-face interactions or discussions over a coffee or lunch ( or better yet, over another collaborative assignment ), i can imagine a time when these verySame people would inspire a flood of nice commentary and a real recommendation ... i think, sometimes, you just don't have enough narrative connection w/ the person requesting the recommendation ... not enough story between the 2 of you, ya know? ... and so, you just need time and space together to see if you can really, quite literally, sing their praises

my 2 cents ... brought to you by Paypal Connect ... the new social network that let's your money talk for you ;]

Don Martelli · 4 months ago

Reco's are big stamp of the word TRUST (couldn't resist) on someone's LinkedIn page. I'll friend just about anyone on any of my socialnets only if their content, job role, expertise, etc. is relevant to my career, hobbies, interests, etc. However, a recommendation is personal. It's like bringing home a girl to meet your parents on the first date. There's really no value there for your parents because you, in fact, just met the girl in a bar four nights ago. They aren't going to build a relationship with her until you've been dating for a few months at the very least. Recommendations are the same thing. My rule of three for recos:

1. Prior relationship, either personal or professional has to exist
2. They've either had to do some sort of work for me or I've had to experience their work in some way shape or form
3. They need to be authentic, i.e. I'm not giving out a reco just to give one out. This person is legitimately looking for me to endorse their work and use that as leverage to make in roads for new biz, other relationships, a job, etc. They value my opinion and want to use my voice to help them succeed.

Pretty simple and common sense, but it works for me.

startabuzz · 4 months ago

This is a *great* topic. I wish that there was a term other than "friending" for making connections on Twitter or Facebook or wherever, because it's really a misnomer. That said, I never consider the list of people that someone follows an actual endorsement of those people. The people whom you follow are those who have, for whatever reason, sparked an interest for you, whether they've just said something that made you laugh, or said something insightful in a blog post ... whatever.

I have different policies on how I make connections online. On Facebook, I generally restrict my connections to those people that I know, or with whom I've made a friendly connection elsewhere (but some sort of personal interaction needs to have taken place). On LinkedIn, I want to, at least, know *of* someone. There needs to be some sort of connection, though I don't need a personal relationship (and I do keep that very professional). On Twitter, I follow people who are of interest to me, and that interest may have been piqued for any number of reasons, none of which should be considered an endorsement. If you've followed me, if there doesn't seem to be a reason for me not to follow you back, I will.

An *endorsement* is a completely different animal, and something that I don't think I would ever solicit. To think that a casual, online relationship constitutes professional endorsement is pretty presumptuous. Even if you are actually FRIENDS with someone -- and I mean actual friends, here -- it's important to know where to draw the line. People's professional reputations have little or nothing to do with the fact that you get along well or that you had a few laughs over a beer. Taking advantage of or exploiting a personal relationship is something, I think, that should be steered very clear of.

Doug Cornelius · 4 months ago

I completely agree that creating an online connection with someone should not be interpreted as a recommendation or endorsement. You should also keep in mind that explicit, online recommendations can cause some ethical and legal problems in regulated industries like medical, legal and financial.

As to creating connections, I treat different online networks differently. I use the same approach as Ari Herzog does for LinkedIn. I like to have a substantial connection. Since I allow my connections to see my other connections, they are a reflection of me. Would I want this person in my rolodex or would they just be clutter?

For Facebook, I used to be open, but now limit it to people that I have a substantial personal relationship. (The change is a result of more friends and family joining Facebook.) Since my friends can see my other friends, those connections are a reflection of me. Would I invite this person over to my house?

I treat my blog and twitter as the open platforms. Anyone can read those and connect there.

Justin Parks · 4 months ago

The post really brings to bear the relevance of terminology in social media, as Laurent_Rozenfeld so eloquently points out in his comment and "what does a connection mean" when you open the door to other people via social networks. Are they someone you want to get to know, know already, know well etc. and how will this relationship develop consequently, if at all.

Talking about recommendations is a whole different level and something that should be highly valued and prized, which it seems most of do anyway, but the fact is there is an absolute distinction between "friending someone and recommending them.

I agree with Sheamus in his comment regarding the methods he employs with social media. If you follow someone (on twitter) it should be considered an endorsement of sorts as in "I see value in developing this relationship" and while no direct depth can be attributed to that endorsement at this stage most people will look at the numbers of followers and perceive that as the number of endorsements without realising the significance, value or intent of that connection in any real or truly valuable way. Sad but true.

John Arleth · 4 months ago

It is amazing how little we know people in our 'on earth' circle of friends, let alone our on-line contacts. To vouch for someone, one should have another category, such as "on-line acquaintance" and when someone clicks a link, it could go on to have a check box, for such things as: How long known, no negatives - yet, expertise, etc. Otherwise, it lacks credibility and is shallow.

chipmccomb · 4 months ago

Great thoughts Chris. LinkedIn is a great example for the post as well as I've heard of a wide variety of strategies that people employ as they try to grow their professional network on LinkedIn. That said however, would you agree that a unique individual's goals and objectives should be the guiding factor when connecting with people online despite the fact that the act of "friending" may not be as serious as many people make it out to be?

For example On LinkedIn I may connect with anyone, but on Facebook I keep my friend circle tight. Only friends and family. This allows for me to accomplish different objectives (professional and personal). This works well for me more times than not. To my clients and professional connections they've remarked that seeing a strategic approach like this encourages them as they're getting started in social media.

susanyoung · 4 months ago

Hi Chris-

Having a clear business strategy and knowing your "Ideal Customer" and "Ideal Friend" are important. As you mentioned,those Linked In recommendations are good too. Too many people who are more impressed with the number of followers or friends they have and not the quality.
Great information! Thank you.

Susan @sueyoungmedia (www.getinfrontblogging.com)

dina gundersen · 4 months ago

I had someone within my industry connect with me on LinkedIn. I agreed as he was new to the city and trying to build his network - a great idea. He then immediately sent me a request for a recommendation. I have never met the guy and had never even seen any of his design work. He was new to LinkedIn, so I took the time to explain to him that it is not appropriate to just send out mass request for recommendations and that he was in danger of making his new "connections" very cross at him. I never heard back from him. So much for the helpful advice I guess.

patmcgraw · 4 months ago

Great topic - especially in today's challenging economic times!

I have adopted much the same strategy as you outlined above though I will spend some additional time with people that are also connected with others that I have a strong relationship. So if Person A is also connected with Connection A, I am willing to put in a little leg work and contact Connection A. Based on that conversation, I might suggest getting better acquainted so we can develop a relationship that would support a recommendation.

If the conversation with Connection A doesn't go well, I go a similar path to what you laid about above.

I have, unfortunately, been amazed (disappointed) with some responses to requests for introductions. A colleague asked a LinkedIn connection for an introduction and received a terse one sentence "No!" So my colleague responded with "I apologize if I may have inadvertently done something inappropriate - could you help me improve my LinkedIn approach and share with me why you felt an introduction was not warranted."

That response generated "Because I know that person and I don't believe an introduction is warranted."

Maybe I am reading too much into the responses but that individual is no longer a connection for me.

Bottom line, if you don't feel comfortable offering a recommendation, view it as an opportunity to develop a stronger relationship with the individual and see if you can get to a point where a recommendation is warranted.

Judy | mojo2Go · 4 months ago

Like most that have responded, the content is timely | and in a collaborative-yet single voice -> REPUTATION is 'King' (or QUEEN)...

The cofounder of the Civilities Project at Johns Hopkins touches on this very subject in his book 'The Civility Solution'. The author, Dr. P.M. Forni, sites the following: 'The internet is reconfiguring the meaning of words such as acquaintance and friend.' His belief is WE want the feeling that we can connect with them (people) without the burden of having them at our door.' Even the Boston Globe this past Sunday did a piece: 'What You Don't Know About Your Firends' :: Our closest acquaintances are nearly strangers to us - and that might not be so bad -> http://bit.ly/qMARk (Like I said, the topic is timely.)

A Friend is a Supporter; Admirer and it's mutual; An Aquaintance intimates familiarity with someone only, may not be mutual, (simply due to the fact that one person may not recall the introduction). Bottom line is, It's not a one size fits all, in so far as an open; closed; or exclusive 'FRIENDING' goes; Best Practice simply means what's best for YOU.

For the RECOMMENDATION component, Mr. 'B' has nailed it - know who you're endorsing first hand; ask yourself, 'Would I have this person on my own team', if no, then rethink the recommendation.

Thanks Chris and thanks for the input from the previous posts/comments . Very Thoughtul!!

natev · 4 months ago

I tend to follow the adage: You will be measured by the company you keep. So I evaluate those that want to connect with me. Two examples:
1) My parents decided to join FB and reached out to me right away. I agreed, but gave them the caveat that I can't control what other people say, and in fact how I interact with my friends on FB might not be what you as parents expect. So far so good, but it's only a matter of time before someone posts a photo tags me in it and I may have to explain some things to my parents.

2) An ex co-worker was fired from my company under not so good circumstances. He did some stuff that he shouldn't have. About a month later he asked to be connected with me via Linked-in. I declined because I knew he viewed that connection as an endorsement and even if I didn't he would use it as such. I didn't want that to happen so I let it go and told him why.

So, well you may not view friending as an endorsement, in some ways it still does qualify as one. We may not like it but the people that we associate with on whatever level will reflect on us to some degree.

cheers
Nate

williamarruda · 4 months ago

Hey Chris, I love your distinction between 'friending' and 'endorsing.' This is what makes LinkedIN such a valuable tool for personal branding and networking. The recommendation feature enables you to build a more credible profile and gives you the opportunity to recognize members of your close professional network.

Great post!

Best.
William
www.williamarruda.com

Chris Brogan · 4 months ago

You're always good to me, William. Thank you. : )

TLHines · 4 months ago

To be honest, I've always been a bit leery of LinkedIn for some of these reasons--to me, it's always smelled more like a salesperson's breakfast than a true network for social interaction. Granted, I've never given it much of a chance, so it's not like I have an educated opinion about the service...but I can't imagine I'm the only one who feels this way. Recommendations via LinkedIn, I would think, will probably go the way of the "job reference" soon. Most employers these days will only verify dates of employment, because you venture onto unsteady legal ground when you provide a positive reference for someone who doesn't work out for a new employer (or open yourself to liability when you don't provide a glowing reference). As a person who owned a business and hired dozens of employees over a period of several years, I can say there's much wisdom in a "verification of employment only" policy.

Judy | mojo2Go · 4 months ago

@TLHines -> Reid Hoffman of LinkedIn sited the following, and I paraphrase: 'If you were to give a physical space to these social netwotks; LinkedIn would be the Office; FaceBook the backyard BBQ and MySpace the Bar. And I guess you could add twitter as perhaps the snack or coffee counter/mobile-service.

By visualizing the space reference, you can begin to feel the emotional connection to the people you meet in those spaces, the relationships you nurture in those spaces.... then act accordingly, or not, whatever is more appropriate for you. ;

Your apprehension is with cause. Your gut is your gauge.

rellips · 4 months ago

Based on the network, and how I'm using it i 'connect' differently. On LinkedIn I'll make a connection with anyone that I have some type of current or past business relationship. If I'm going to recommend them, I need to have a much stronger tie; on Facebook, I try to limit it to personal connections; and on twitter, for my personal account I follow anyone who interests me, for my business account I try for more business related following.

nealschaffer · 4 months ago

Chris, I have the exact same policy like you, and I think those of us that understand the potential benefits of online social networking are similar as well. What you talk about is exactly what my new concept called "Windmill Networking" is all about, and my first book relating this concept to a LinkedIn users manual will be out in September.

Case in point: the more connections you have on LinkedIn, the more you will be found in search results because you appear in more networks.

Case in point: the more followers you have on Twitter, the better chance your broadcasts have of being ReTweeted.

These are facts derived from the functionality of these social networking platforms. Does it mean that I am "friends" or would write a LinkedIn Recommendation for all of these people? Of course not. But those like us who can separate the world of social media from our own physical networks will be truly able to leverage all of these social networking sites.

Would be interested in what you have to say about my blog when you have the chance:

http://windmillnetworking.com

Cheers,
Neal

Miguel Llano · 4 months ago

Chris, I have to agree with your post on one level, but disagree on another level. Your "friends" strategy works on Twitter, but I disagree that it works on LinkedIn. I feel that LinkedIn is more personal than Twitter. I will not connect with just anyone on LinkedIn. The reason being that my contacts on LinkedIn are personal. They are made up of people that I have met, done business with, or interacted with on a regular basis. These are people that I would not hesitate to introduce to one another since I personally know both parties.

Using your method, it would break down the level of personal relationships I have with my LinkedIn network. In some way, by accepting or extending a LinkedIn request, I am showing my endorsement of that person by opening up my personal network to them. If any of my contacts wanted an endorsement or recommendation from me, I would be able to give a honest recommendation because I actually know the person.

Chris Brogan · 4 months ago

What makes LinkedIn more personal to you, Miguel. When you buy a new car, do you start a personal relationship or a sales relationship? If you seek a new office manager, do you ask them about their children and their favorite food, or do you learn about their work history and their aspirations?

To me, LinkedIn isn't personal: it's business.

communicatrix · 4 months ago

After fielding many queries from real-life acquaintances as to why I wasn't following them back on Twitter, I put together a Twitter policy page on my site (linked to my name here). I still think Ike Pigott's is the best, but I tried. Now I reply with a short personalized note, a link to the page, and done.

In a world where there is no obvious right and wrong (and, therefore, lots of room for misinterpretation), I think stating your policy, as you've done here, is the best policy.

(Oops...Disqus switched back to the default link. If anyone's interested, policy is available via the front page.)

BigBags · 4 months ago

I love the post, but I'm wondering if there is a disconnect with those (including yourself) who auto-follow. What do you think? Do you see auto-follow as more of an asset, or do you think it turns Social Media platforms into an echo chamber?

Chris Brogan · 4 months ago

I no longer auto-follow after a week or so ago, when spammers started getting on my nerves.

I don't see it as an echo-chamber. I see it as threading up a phone network.

Ronit Goldstand · 4 months ago

Friends 2.0: 'friending' ppl online, and what it means 4 ur own online rep: http://bit.ly/36sZ0k (by @chrisbrogan). Be sure 2 read comments!

Facebook User · 4 months ago

This is about people being smart about their networks-- particularly the endorsees. Sure, reach up, but know how you are perceived in that world-- as important, create many worlds-- LinkedIn may not be the peer network you need, but it is useful for finding established folks. What is your niche network, where you build you credibility?

ML Vanessa · 4 months ago

Friending someone is simply getting to know more about them and their company. Most of the time, I look at their profile and then their website for future reference. If I need the type of service that they offer, and don't have a trusted vendor for it, I'll contact them and see if they provide the value that either I myself or a client needs. I assume other people do the same and never think that anyone is endorsed because their on a friend list. Especially not on a social media sit.

djedberg · 4 months ago

This article is great for people newer to social networking. I think most of us on these networks can agree that we are somewhat "promiscuous" online to get our networking numbers up. Networks like LinkedIn also encourage you to have as many connections as possible. For anyone familiar with LinkedIn, I've found that 1st connections (people you are directly connected with) are useful, but 2nd & 3rd degree connections are a stretch as far as networking goes. I mostly use the website as reference, and when it comes to making contact for business purposes, I use other means (e-mail, phone, etc.).

Overall, I enjoyed the article. Keep 'em coming!

Jeremy Meyers · 4 months ago

While I agree that there's a (frankly, ridiculous, but human and understandable) challenge in the "exchange of social capital" of choosing who to say hello to first when entering a crowded room (especially if you are someone that is well known to people in the space), the 'everyone is watching you' aspect of this is also a great opportunity to be a person. Say hi to whoever you haven't seen in awhile, whoever YOU smile involuntarily when they enter a room. People are more understanding then you may think. Not everyone can be "the first person who gets to shake hands with xyz" and it doesn't have to be an anointment of power.

The decision to shake someone's hand or give them a hug authentically and coming from a place of genuine happiness to see the person, with disregard for 'whoever may be watching and judging,' is a much better lesson for people to learn from you than any 'well, who do I choose to go over to first, who will benefit most from other people seeing me shake their hand'.

I know that wearing the 'social media celebrity' hat is something that you (and others) often struggle with, and I totally would have the same concerns if I was in your place, reputation-wise. It's a difficult cross to bear, and getting to hang with you a bit over the weekend did honestly change my perception of who Chris the person is vs. Chris the oft-quoted, frequently revered "celebrity".

Anyway, to address your online friending policy, this conversation is happening on Amber's blog as well, but I think LinkedIn especially suffers from indiscriminate connection. The value that LinkedIn brings, their actual explicit value proposition is to replace the problem of "i need to talk to someone at xyz company, but I don't know anyone there. Maybe someone I know has a connection, but I have no way of figuring that out short of blasting out an email to everyone I know". Indiscriminate LinkedIn connection breaks that network effect, or at the very least decreases the quality of the network's ability to connect people via single-connection trusted sources (i trust you, and you trust this guy trying to connect with me, so therefore i will allow the connection")

Remember SixDegrees? The big social network prior to Friendster was dedicated to 'how many different ways am i connected to people'. They basically were broken by people who decided to friend everyone and therefore render the connection data meaningless.


Just my $.02

Chris Brogan · 4 months ago

The next to last part holds the trick. I can connect to tens of thousands but if I can't actively cultivate those relationships, I'm doomed.

How to jump higher · 4 months ago

Thanks for the great post. I'm just a beginner to Social Media but understand the concept and it definitely makes sense to only endorse certain individuals that you can vouches for to a certain extent. I agree with you 100% there. I have given social media a shot but for some reason haven't really had success with it. I guess I will have to read your blog more often to get caught up with all of the trends. But your reputation as being a trusted source is an "easy to understand" concept and I am trying to do that with my affiliate marketing efforts. The only problem is that in some cases it's difficult to promote products that are good for the end user when so many other factors are out of line such as; Great product, ok price, horrible landing page etc.. But I think you get the Idea. In any event thanks for such an informative post. I'll be back again to checkout your updates.

Tricia Molloy · 4 months ago

Your definition of "Friend" made me look at social media in a whole new light and gives me a lot for options. Thanks!

dawntrenee · 4 months ago

I really agree with you idea of what a "friend" is and that it is not an endorsement from me. An endorsement from me would come in the form of a RT on Twitter or an actual reference on LinkedIn.

BarryK · 4 months ago

Good timing for me for this post. I am growing my network and connections and it can be a bit overwhelming with so many "experts" around.

Seems simple enough. Friends are just connections. You meet at the party or function, exchange business cards and add to your rolodex (following,friends, whatever you call it). Recommendations or referrals, that is a different story. Now I am putting my reputation on the line. Just like in brick and mortar world, I will only provide if I know you well or have had a good business experience. Just good common sense,

ianbrodie · 4 months ago

Chris,

I'd agree with you that "friending" doesn't imply endorsement.

But connecting with someone on Linkedin does more than that. It makes all your connections visible to them.

If they're not someone you trust, that could open up your connections to a bunch of spam.

Many people are open networkers on linkedin in order to be helpful to lots of people and be a hub for connections - and that's great.

But others are open networkers to give themselves a giant rolodex of names (via searching through their network) they can then reach out to to try to sell to in one sense or another. I don't really want to expose my contacts to these folks.

Rgds

Ian

Chris Brogan · 4 months ago

I'd never really thought of that. They can see full contact details, or just that I'm connected to someone?

Jeremy Meyers · 4 months ago

They can see a flat who you're connected to, but they'd still need to go through you (or someone else who knows them) in order to connect directly. It just beings them one hop closer, linkedin-wise.

ianbrodie · 4 months ago

Well, they'd have to go through you if they use Linkedin (unless they pay for the premium version - in which case they can send a message directly).

But many people use Linkedin to find a connection - but use other methods to contact with that person. For example, a recruiter describes his approach on Ford Harding's blog here: http://www.hardingco.com/blog/2009/05/20/intere...

Essentially he uses Linkedin to find names and profiles (the company they work for, their job title, etc). He can get those details of your connections just by being connected to you - he doesn't need to go through you.

He then uses the info to cold call the company - but because he knows the name & some details, he can get through their screening policies. For example, if the company has a "no names" policy (i.e. if you call asking for the head of marketing they won't put you through or tell you who it is). But when he calls he gets through because he's scraped the details of your contacts via your connection with him.

Now you might say "good luck to him" - he's being quite ingenious with the way he's got round the company's rules. But those rules are there for a reason - they're their to protect people from endless unwanted calls from salespeople.

And unlike the situation where he's bought a list of names from a list broker, I bet he doesn't screen those names vs the relevant "do not call" legislation.

So for me, that's the risk with connecting with open networkers. Since I don't know them, or the people they're connected to, I run the risk of my contacts being subjected to cold calls or other spam. Not through Linkedin itself - but through other routes powered by using the info taken from Linkedin.

You could even argue that in the future, if more and more people do this, then people will have to take their profiles off Linkedin to prevent being cold called or spammed.

Ian

marymcd · 4 months ago

Hey Chris,
Thanks for explaining this so well - I too also treat LinkedIn a bit differently than other soc media sites - espec. since I use LI purely for business (no social updates).

I'm what Liz Ryan calls a 'careful connector' - I only connect to folks I know, or those who I share a strong common business interest with (someone in my field, typically).
I've had folks ask me to endorse them, and have sent back a similar message as the one you've posted. Since I'm careful in connection, if I get a request from someone I don't know, I'll politely ask them how we know each other. Most folks don't even bother to write back... but I always like to ask as they'll say, "I saw your keynote speech and we chatted after about sustainability" or something like that... oh yeah! I know who you are now!

Thanks for posting so often - it's a gift!

Paul Papadimitriou · 4 months ago

The act of "friending" has finally a lot to do with noise to signal. Your post sums the debate really well.
In my experience, I've seen that this act has a different meaning depending on the platform I was on. While I always try to separate the connection from the technology platform, people won't see the act similarly on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter (when there's reciprocal follow), FriendFeed, Xing, Plurk and Friendster (last two are still very big in South East Asia, where I reside).
This is common sense to many of us who read your blog, obviously.

My point is, however, that the line between endorsement and friending varies on a person-by-person case: while I consider that endorsement comes with a LinkedIn recommendation or a clear fully-disclosed blog entry (for instance), I've seen that some people will consider a Twitter follow as an endorsement.

It's not a big deal if it stops there, it can be however slightly different when these same people start bragging about "knowing" you and how a few @replies become testimonials for their benefit.

The key in a social web where everyone understandably has his/her own rules is consistency. I believe that if one's consistent with the way he/she endorses people, even if strategies change over time (let's say, opening up your network on LinkedIn v. keeping it only for people you've been collaborating with), misunderstandings can be mostly avoided.

Thanks again for your blog entry, was a great read.

Richard X. Thripp · 4 months ago

I consider adding someone as a friend an endorsement of their authority, content, and respectability. The only social network I use regularly is Twitter, and my ratio of followers to following is 15 to 1. Most of the people who friend me I do not friend back, and most of the people I follow do not follow me. They may be quite popular and not know me, but I follow them because I enjoy their tweets and endorse their work. It's not a "me too" thing. You guys who friend everyone ruin the whole friend system for all us legitimate networkers.

Suzanne Vara · 4 months ago

Chris

I agree with you with respect to "friend" and call it more a term. It a term that is used and does not truly reflect what traditionally a friend is. LinkedIn, FB, Twitter, etc are tools to introduce yourself to those who may find interest in what you have to say. They are tools to help you grow your bag of resources, share knowledge, gain knowledge, promote a book, a blog, a business and sometimes do create a personal friendship.

With respect to the recommendations. I feel that those asking for one are not really in tune with social media. If you are heavily involved as you are, people would not have to ask you, you would automatically give a recommendation (maybe not on what they consider their timeline). You understand the importance of giving that nod to the person and saying how much you admire their work. Hypothetically speaking, if you asked me for a recommendation, It would be so incredibly generic. I have never met you, I have never seen you speak, I read your blog, follow you on twitter and am connected to you on LinkedIn and know that you got backlash for taking your kids to McDonalds. Any friends, family, clients, etc that I feel would benefit from your blog or book I tell them about you - not because you asked me to, but because I feel you would add value to them. It would be funny to see the responses if you did open it up and ask for recommendations on LinkedIn.

People who really get social media understand that it is a community that shares information and develops relationships based upon this information. Asking someone like yourself to recommend them is quite self serving so they can say that CB has recommended me. As far as twitter, you posting a link to a blog is an endorsement. It shows that you have read it and are taking the time to shorten the url and post it. Breaking down the time that it took you to read it, to react, to want to post it, is endorsement enough.

Social media is becoming celebrity-esque. Someone meeting a celebrity they take a pic and show it off to all their friends. Social media is showing off that a highly involved and recoginzed person is their friend and being able to say I asked for an recommendation from them. Completely missing the point of social media and its offerings.

That is my take.

Suzanne Vara/@Lvadgal

Shannon Ehlers · 4 months ago

Always impressive to meet a man who will describe himself as promiscuous. :) In writing, no less.

This is a great post and great question. Nice that you asked everyone's opinion while also putting forth your own.

Despite being a member of a certain so-called 'open networker' group on LinkedIn, I like to know or at least know of the person I am "friending". One pet peeve, by the way, is nouns inappropriately used as verbs ("antiquing" also comes to mind).

For recommendations, I generally will recommend people on the basis of this pre-existing relationship. It cuts out a lot of the score-keeping that would be necessary if I were strictly "promiscuous" on social networks.

On the other side of the coin, I think it is important not to bog down your connections with too much expectation for recommendations and/or introductions. The whole social networking phenomenon has really just hit its stride in the last decade or so - at least in its current form.

Give it some time to mature and we may see more people adopting these communication techniques. As we become more comfortable with working in this way, perhaps a natural set of conventional wisdom will evolve around this.

Jared · 4 months ago

I've never considered friending to be an endorsement at all. I look at it as a networking opportunity. If I endorse someone I write a testimonial and or link to them from my web site.

Jonathan R. Rivera · 4 months ago

I've been social networking for a couple of years and up until now I had been a promiscuous friender.

Because of that habit I have developed a number of "friends" that are inactive and sometimes annoying. I've decided that I am going to rebuild my social networks with quality in mind.

The way I see it, if a pare down my networks to a core group who are active and engaged I will enjoy my social networking a whole lot more. My goal is to be excited to see what's going on in my home feed of any social network.

Randolph Hollingsworth · 4 months ago

Hey, Chris, your posts are always so helpful and terrific to share with folks who need more clarification on all this social technologies stuff. Listen, if friend can be a verb... how about fan? I am fanning you.

RussRave · 4 months ago

Hi Chris,
I enjoyed reading this post as it raised so points that I'd been mulling over even though I haven't had any direct requests for endorsements from "friends" or followers. I think the strongest point you made here which I took special note of is the fact that the online space/forum is not a place where one should go playing Russian roulette with one's reputation. I was also a little surprised to hear that you accept connection requests at Linked in perhaps as freely as Facebook or Twitter,- that's a new perspective for me to consider especially if it's working for you.

Roland Hesz · 4 months ago

I agree with being a friend does not mean automatic endorsement.
If I kept myself to the LinkedIn rule I would have had about 5 contacts for the first year - not many of my coworkers were on LinkedIn back then, or were interested in it at all.
Plus, I would be poorer for a few good friends I met on LinkedIn.
However, when it comes to recommendations, I keep it strictly for people I have worked with.

It is funny, but I have a much stricter "follow rule" on twitter, as I found that when I follow over 200 people, Twitter becomes useless, a stream of meaningless broadcasts - I don't have time to keep track of what's going on with that many people.

Dan · 4 months ago

This is one of the things I have been talking about a lot, the idea of who you friend and under what circumstances and platform. I am very conservative (in comparison to others that I know) about "friending someone". I do believe that you are tarred and feathered with the reputation of others by association. So I tend to write few endorsements, and friend few people.

catherinewhite · 4 months ago

A connection a relationship doth not make

zenaweist · 4 months ago

After your follow/friending/reco question to @skydiver at #ase09, I was hoping you would write up your take. Thank you!

mooshinindy · 4 months ago

So THIS is why you're a big deal.
I don't speak geek and yet I'm sitting here enthralled.
Nice job Chris B. Rogan.

Prokofy · 4 months ago

You are a friendship whore, a glad-hander, a fake, and it devalues true connection and meaning. You are merely taking old-media values of push-media and a passive, voiceless audience and grafting it on to new media. So many of you in your geek club do that (Scoble, the Gilmor Gang).

Then, you write this sort of tripe, "Unfriend folks who bother you." Bother you? Because...they criticize you? For things like blurring the line between journalism and public relations for firms by tweeting for everybody to come to the Pepsi booth and making a mash-up of your own public-relations work and pretending you also "report on tech" and become "authoritative source"? This is all crap. You should never be follow-blocking someone who isn't a spammer or a prostitute or hustler of ad links under the guise of being an SEO guro because...you need to hear some feedback in your geek bubble. Desperately.

Judy | mojo2Go · 4 months ago

Hi Prokofy ...
When I first saw this post come through I was a bit surprised at the brassy tone, but then I realized 'how cool it is that we have a forum to disagree'. Giving opposing views, hopefully in a civil tone, gives all readers the ability to consider an alternate view. Thanks

Prokofy · 4 months ago

If you value the, uh, "coolness" of having a forum to disagree, then you'll have to back off from the notion that some people with their ideas of what is "civil" get to dictate what it is through bans, warnings, blocks, mutes, voting down, and all the other suppressive tools of social media.

Such incivility in the tools themselves, and squadrons of net nannies ready to tell their fellow netizens what to do, demand incivility, like all civil disobedience in the history of the U.S., for example. Freedoms are worth fighting for.

Judy | mojo2Go · 4 months ago

My comment was not to provoke, and if that was the result, my apologies. Point in fact, I agree with what it is you're saying, to a certain extent. Though my freedoms and fights stop short of anarchy.

Something is only of value when you put value on it. And yes it is, uh 'cool' in that you voiced the contempt for the original post, and not only did you find no value in it, you thought it BS. I thought otherwise overall. To me it had value, in part. We are both given the opportunity to share the platform that put those words out there. And I still do think that pretty cool.

jordankettner · 4 months ago

Pretty interesting article. This is something that I have always been conscious about. I try to keep personal contacts on Facebook, Professional contacts on LinkedIn and all of my conversations on Twitter. Just like Jerry Seinfeld - I like to keep my worlds apart. I don't want the worlds to collide...

Ryan · 4 months ago

I think the idea of "swamping" is very important (Twitter). It allows for diversity in your stream, unless you read all your tweets.

Roshini Rajkumar · 4 months ago

Great advice. I wish I had access to your comments before I started getting into Twitter and LinkedIn. I agree that your reputation is the most important thing you've got. When someone is referred to me by someone in my network, I always want to do the best I can in order to make the person who referred me look good. I realize not everyone is as careful, so I also recommend you really think through your own referral policy. For example, I have a business associate who is a nice person but not as professional as I know my clients or business friends would like. As much as this person wants me to refer business, I can't do it until I see more polish. My only addition to your terrific advice is that no one can "make" you friend them or refer them. If you have a bad gut feeling, don't go there.

frank barry · 4 months ago

I get most requests for recommendations from people I work with. So, I know these people. My struggle is when I don't have anything nice to say. Sometimes people are not self aware.

Anyone have thoughts on how to respond to someone when you have worked with them, but you don't feel giving your endorsement of them would be a smart decision?

http://twitter.com/franswaa

SodexoCareers · 1 week ago

Another great blog post! I too will follow most people who follow me but because I tweet under SodexoCareers and use my company's name I feel that I have a responsibility to connect appropriately. I have a rule for following and unfollowing people on Twitter - if they are going to speak poorly of the company I work for I'll unfollow them. I can still see what they are saying about us and monitor the conversation through searches and through Tweetdeck but I won't endorse you with the official public follow.