Great post, I try to push myself outside my comfort zone regularly as staying put is just as scary to me! THat said, I still get absolutely terrified when I have to speak in front of peers, even after years of doing it, suspect that will never go away. Have learnt to tell myself repeatedly, people aren't here to see if you fail, (on the whole anyway! :)) people want you to do well. That helps.
slbell
· 8 months ago
Chris,
I truly think you have hit the key foundation of confidence squarely. Setting up you goals, making commitments, using your "social network", having faith and trust in yourself - will get you there.
Rarely do we see anyone that is truly successful - that lacks in confidence. Just does not happen.
dakini_3
· 8 months ago
Beautiful ... which is why I read and learn here Chris.
In the interest of contributing to the discussion. I would add that a subtle and quiet confidence comes from really listening to your purest heart and speaking truth from that place. This requires that you spend quiet time with your Self... breathing ... getting comfortable in your own skin ... regardless of "environmental cues". Speaking from an authentic heart voice is very powerful.
Jeff Power
· 8 months ago
Chris... you nailed it by naming risk/success & core support as the keys. In all my years I've seen the power of those two worldwide... in all economic/ racial/ political/ national spectrums. We essentially teach that very thing to help the poorest villages of the world develop. Keep writing!
Guido from Boston
· 8 months ago
You know Chris... I have been meaning to thank you and Penn about this very topic.
Since going to PodCamp 1 I have grown more and more confident about doing things with my community. I have continued my podcast about knitting, I have started a fiber guild of 150+, I have organized gatherings for knitters in NYC and MD just because no one else was doing it. I am hoping that I can complete the circle in a way by doing a FiberCamp event in January.
While I have not found financial profit through my "niche" podcast, I have found friends and supporters/sponsors for doing all these exciting projects. Each time I complete a projects I feel a little more confident about the next good idea that I think should be done. As my friend Alanna says about me "Guido is not afraid to ask, what it we... ".
Anyhow... thanks Chris for believing in me and my "niche" and showing me that lots of things are possible if you just go out and do them.
Lasha
· 8 months ago
This is something I have been battling with for the last few weeks. Things have been so tough and complicated, I have lost track of most of my projects both personal and school-related. It is such a horrible feeling to lack the confidence that is needed to achieve and move forward.
I would often fall into these "phases" that resemble depressive states, and that is certainly a confidence killer. Seeking support sometimes feels useless and ineffective, but in the end, it's those words that come from like-minded people that gets you back on your feet.
Great article, Chris. Thanks for helping me set myself back on track.
Jeff Kirschner
· 8 months ago
A favorite inspiration:
Come to the edge. We might fall. Come to the edge. It’s too high! Come to the edge! And they came, and he pushed, and they flew.
Guillaume Appollinaire
Mike Brown
· 8 months ago
Chris - Really appreciate the breadth of dimensions you tie to confidence - all of them so appropriate.
For me, a big part of confidence has been tied to embracing a servant leadership approach. All of us can serve others, and few people will resist being helped. As such, you can feel good about your efforts knowing that your intention is to benefit someone else. This situation sets up a foundation for confidence even among those who might be unsure of their skills and talents.
Thanks,
Mike Brown
Matt Prados
· 8 months ago
Bro! You hit the nail on the head. As a past skater and current entrepreneur building business is exactly like you said. I look forward to more of your posts. As a note to readers I found this via twitter by building my twitter list and looking for cool people that post things of value I have built a social network similar to the one talked about in this post in addition to my close netwrk of business partners, friends and as Jim Rohn says inner circle.
cipals15
· 8 months ago
I am trying to eliminate my lack of self confidence and experience. Lately, i have tried to improve my public speaking skills even though my heart trembles fast. I trying to build some confidence from it. Hope it helps.
geetarchurchy
· 8 months ago
One of my favourite quotes is 'If you can't love yourself, no-one else will' - so said Liam Gallagher.
Ok, so he might mean it slightly more aggressively than others, but the sentiment is spot on - believe in yourself and others will too.
Danny Brown
· 8 months ago
For me, confidence is knowing it's okay to be afraid and working out ways to overcome the fear.
Confidence is knowing that you'll not always make the right decision, and that's okay - as long as you learn and make it better the next time.
Nicole Mckinney
· 8 months ago
Great Post Chris. I am the consumate risk taker. When I feel that feeling of negativity, come into my head - I now tell myself it is just a feeling over and over and bring the positive thoughts right to my attention. Being an entrepreneur and knowing that what I offer as my passion is something that is needed - companies learning how to engage their customers to build relationships ultimately fulfilling their challenges and keeping them committed is what will endure. Knowing what your passion is happiness- I just believe every day!
Drew Schiller
· 8 months ago
Excellent post Chris, thank you! I completely agree with you that confidence starts by believing in yourself. When people are confident in their own abilities, we see them as more real, and we are attracted to those individuals.
I can think of no greater example of this recently than Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent—she was unapologetically herself, and for a moment she represented everything that is possible in the world.
David Murray
· 8 months ago
Chris, Confidence is something that I constantly work on. And as I continue to learn to gather more and more of it, I've come to realize that confidence doesn't necessarily have to be looked at something that one should obtain. Honestly, I truly believe its already in all of us. Its our outside influences that can make our confidence shrivel into its cave. I really believe it starts with who you surround yourself with and doing the things that make you feel good. Not so much confident mind you, but engaging in activities and being with people that invigorate and inspire you to take those risks. Then the confidence you already had inside you, says oh yeah... this is cool!
@sarahmerion
· 8 months ago
I love your articles on micro subjects that have macro effects. Confidence is sexy and means the world in business. You have to project yourself to the world in the best way possible and that takes some skill. I should go pick up that Self-Esteem book now....
PS. Can't wait to meet you at SOBCon!! So soon!
Yelitze
· 8 months ago
Thanks for this entry.
I like your skaterboard analogy. Is very current to the "times" we live in. It takes a lot of guts to step in the middle of a rink and be the "underdog" sort of speak - especially when you know that a portion of the crowd is not really supporting you but waiting to see if you'll raise the bar and make things harder for them.
Either way - regardless of the outcome of your strategy the fact that you were willing to take a risk on an idea you believe in, is, in itself a confidence builder that you should never, ever allow anyone to take away from you.
Alexa Scordato
· 8 months ago
Chris,
As usual, thanks for the insight and relevancy. Another source of confidence that I'd add to the list: failure.
We can all triumph in our successes and gain confidence from positive outcomes. However, it's the people with the most confidence who I find have a special something - a unique ability to accept when they're wrong, learn from their mistakes, and walk confidently knowing that they can pick themselves up again.
- Alexa | @alexa
p.s. Lovin' the baldy. :)
Katie
· 8 months ago
I recently was terminated from my job due to the economy, surprisingly though the economy did not affect my employer but rather a friend of theirs. I lost my job so they could hire their friend. My past employer gave me the chance to learn internet marketing and all that encompasses including social media and allowed me to try something new, I loved my job and was really good at it. I was actually making money for clients and that was a real rush. I had found my career dream and it ended in nine short months. But as you say Chris it is a matter of believing in yourself and I do- now!
When my employer terminated me they tried to make me think that I had somehow failed to measure up, but I know better. Their entire website content was mine, plus some of their clients. I developed their strategies and packages for PPC, SEO and Social Media Marketing and they are using them as I write this.
I believe in myself and my success is imminent even if I don't know where my next check is coming from. I still research and learn about what I love every day just as if I was still at work and I want to thank you Chris for being one of my teachers.
AngelaConnor
· 8 months ago
It is truly uncanny how I seem to come across the right words right when I need them. I just finished reading the final proof of my book in layout form and I was pretty amazed to see my hard work come together in book form. I need to celebrate that success and the confidence I displayed by actually going for it.. I was confident I could pull it off despite my demanding job, two young children and husband and house that need tending... but the way I really did it was through sacrifice. I pretty much live by this motto: "Do not go where the path may lead. Go where there is no path, and leave a trail." That allows me to take risks. I am now looking for the next. Great post. Keep us thinking Chris, and motivate every chance you get! It is greatly appreciated. And as always, the comments are great.
Angela | @communitygirl
jamie varon - intersected
· 8 months ago
Great post. This is my first time commenting, because this post really struck a chord with me.
I tend to make decisions that make other people scared for me. I don't follow a beaten path and I take odd risks, such as quitting my job in the middle of a recession after only 2 weeks because I knew it wasn't a fit at all. (Good thing, too, because they've since laid off the majority of their staff and are running out of funding, but that wasn't why I quit.)
I sometimes think I'm crazy.
But, most times, I know that I make these unconventional decisions because I am confident that they will work out. In fact, when I was debating about whether or not I should quit my job, I remember distinctly talking to my mom and saying, "If I stay, I will be admitting that I don't believe in myself enough to find another job or make it work somehow." I remember thinking that I couldn't give myself a loophole or say to myself that I wouldn't be able to further my career.
Since then, I've started my own business and have found a truer path for my career.
Funny, too, because I received an unprecedented amount of criticism when I came forward about quitting this job after 2 weeks. And, most people may chalk my decision up to fickle, typical young kid impatience, but me? I chalk it up to confidence.
Mark McGuinness
· 8 months ago
Great advice, especially about building your confidence by taking progressively bigger risks leading to bigger successes.
I agree that language matters - which is why when I'm coaching someone who wants to be more 'confident', I usually tell them to forget about confidence and concentrate on enthusiasm, because confidence is all about me whereas enthusiasm is about me in relation to you.
Some people look very confident but they aren't very engaging - whereas if I'm enthused by my subject and what it means for you, it's hard for you not to be infected by that. So we naturally develop rapport based on mutual enthusiasm.
When you know you can do that with people, you stop worrying about being confident.
Chris I love this post. Just last year I, with the support of my husband and two small children, gave up a strong career - in the past 20 years always working for big companies and protected by the big company brand name to give me confidence - we moved to the heart of rural Ireland and I wanted to go out on my own doing what I love most whilst giving my family a better quality of life (back to the basics of life). I was lucky initially to have a contract or two which helped me get over the major move and get the family settled. Now I am in the throws of going out on my own and building a personal brand on the net and following people like you and a few select others I am trying to learn how to do it. Mark said a great thing as well in his post - enthusiasm is a key - this is something I have always had and to be honest I have this more than confidence. So I am hoping that my enthusiasm and love for what I do will help me stand out from the crowd and help me build a personal brand and eventually a career. The internet and on line technology will be my life line having moved out of the cities and all that city business life offers. We are not just at the level of business engagement on line (in terms of building relationships on line using social media) in Ireland as you are in the states but there is some great work being done here and it is just a matter of time before more and more businesses will be 'true huggers of this powerful medium'. Sorry for rambling a bit but your post really inspired me as it was so relevant to me, and with my 'Mar-Comms' hat on - this is the power of communications - relevance so I reached out to say hello!
Julie Fogg
· 8 months ago
I had to tweet about this article. Best blog post I have seen in at least a month. People crave things that are familiar and gravitate toward the things that are easy for them. I hope this post helps readers have a little faith in themselves to allow room for the possibility of failure and success.
Deb Brown
· 8 months ago
Chris, You inspire me! I took your post and ran with it for my network marketing business. www.debworks.com
As always - thank you ! btw, love the sexy, confident new look!
@debworks
Kerry
· 8 months ago
Hi, the section that really woke me up was "Confidence Is About Setting Goals and Making Commitments". Goal setting is something I have failed to do this year and reading this made me think about that and realise that I've missed the focus and satisfaction that having goals provides. It was really a eureka moment!
Heather Allard
· 8 months ago
I read a quote that says, "We tend to seek happiness, when happiness is actually a choice".
Thanks for a very inspirational post, Chris.
Heather
Sheila Atwood
· 8 months ago
"Confidence is about small successes" I find my self using this all of the time. It is easy to forget the successes I have had or to count the small successes. When I am down I start to count she small successes. I am soon reminded that I have been moving toward my goals.
Sharing your success also works really well. It is simple tell someone what you have accomplished...put it out there in the real world.
Thanks Chris
williamarruda
· 8 months ago
Confidence is also the most attractive personal brand attribute. People are drawn to those who exude confidence!
Chris, I'm an advocate of making a list of a few things that you are flat out scared to do and then knocking them off one at a time. That doesn't mean doing stupid things or endangering yourself. For me, the ocean swim start of triathlon got me jittery. When you figure it out and do it, you find amazing things happen. When you are sitting, the fear seems like a brick wall. When you are in action and doing what you fear, that wall turns to rice paper.
Don Lafferty
· 8 months ago
Fear or nervousness does not equate to a lack of confidence.
I often experience my most significant breakthroughs and successes when I'm doing something that scares the hell out of me.
But I remain confident. Based on my track record I know I can trust my plan and move forward even when it feels like I'm performing without a net.
Over time I've come to associate this feeling of nervous energy with good things, so fear of the unknown, or that whacked out feeling I get before presenting to a crowd is usually a sign that good things are about to happen.
Flip that association around in your own head and you'll find yourself operating in a space that creates a whole new level of opportunity.
greg cryns
· 8 months ago
Confidence breeds success.
I think this is one of your best posts ever, Chris. Thanks!
Christa M. Miller
· 8 months ago
Chris, thank you so much for this. My husband quit his job in December so I could go to work for myself full-time. We got a lot of "signs" last year that the timing was right, and we "risked it all against the sea to have a better life," to quote Tom Waits.
I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with the PR part of my business, but I know writing. I'm focused on that, and since learning the term "content marketing" I am far more confident in my ability to apply the skills I learned as a freelance writer to PR. I've even had one small media-relations success so far!
Even though we don't know each other, I count you/your blog in my support network, because your words alone make me feel as if I'm on the right track. There are a couple of other blogs that make me feel the same way, along with, of course, my closest friends and my client. And I think they respond because I too have been working to change both my outlook and the words I use to describe it, and actively seeking their support too.
Thank you again.
Eva_Love
· 8 months ago
Chris,
Thanks for a great post.
In working with clients for 20 years helping them let go of their emotional pain and create a happy, healthy life for themselves, I've found that everyone...from the CEO of a Fortune 500 company to the teenager whose giving their parents fits, all have one thing in common. They all are suffering from self-doubt and low self-esteem, even if they are putting on the best confidence show in the world.
Here is one of the exercises I give them to do. Write 200 qualities that you genuinely value and appreciate about yourself. Then each day go through the following process with 4 of the words (an arbitrary number).
For example, let's say your word is kind. 1. Feel the VALUE of being kind (to you and others). 2. Feel GRATEFUL that you are kind. 3. ACKNOWLEDGE yourself for being kind with a "Good Job," or a pat on the back (you can be really creative on this one). 4. And finally feel LOVE for yourself for being kind.
The key is FEELING...not just thinking.
When you have completed the 200 words, you will have a new confidence that goes deep and can't be shaken. I had a client do the entire exercise in one weekend. It completely changed her life!
Ted_Hopton
· 8 months ago
Great post on confidence! Inspirational and aspirational, both.
GearModa
· 8 months ago
Excellent post, I like your example about the skate park and risk taking, never really thought about it before.... but its a prime example of how having the confidence to take a risk can pay off with impressive results.
matt
· 8 months ago
Love the skateboarder reference. My executive director and I drove past a skate park last week and we spoke about the bullheaded determination of skateboarders, they are simply relentless. If you are as relentless about achieving goals as a skateboarder you can expect two things: a great deal of success and a whole lot of cuts and bruises!
Great post!
Avil Beckford
· 8 months ago
Your comment resonated with me and they often do but today I feel as if you are talking to me personally. I started a blog (http://theinvisiblementor.com) a couple of months ago and I am trying to pull everything that I do together. I am absolutely terrified because there are gaps in my skill set but I go forward. The concept I have for my blog is a bit far out, using information such as books, interviews and so on to mentor others.
I am attending the FITC conference in Toronto so that I can learn how to do some of the things that I need to do. I applied for and won a digital media scholarship that will go a long way in filling the gaps. I spent 7 hours one Saturday taking a tutorial that taught me html and I am getting better. Even though I am terrified of what I am trying to do, I don't think about it and just put one foot in front of the other, because that's all that I can do right now.
I am learning to take risks and the bigger the risks the greater the rewards as you said in your posts. Taking these risks feel uncomfortable to me but I have to move forward, I cannot stand still.
My blog isn't where it is right now, it doesn't look the way I envisoin but everyday I take a step to get it to where I want it because every journey begins with a first step.
Man... I love you. I needed to read this, on this particular day. I'm a mom of two elementary school aged kids. I've PTA Pres for the last year and I'm a serial volunteer. I have been in sales and a sales manager most of my career life... but for the last 11 years... I've been doing what I can to help here and there with the family income.
Knowing my reign was coming to an end soon, I had to ask myself how I wanted to spend my time. Like most of your readers, I am on the computer all the time, on social networks. Everything from Facebook, Twitter, local networks to flipp'n Club Penguin earning coins for my kids characters. When I started hearing about "social media" I joined the Social Media Club of KC, I was fortunate they were having a meetup THAT NIGHT. I went in with a goal to meet 10 new people. (I love doing that. LOL). I met the "face and presence" of one my rock star social media companies here in KC... Spiral 16, immediately! This girl is doing what I want to be doing... and you know what... I'm going to do it. I've been talking about which local companies I believe the most in and could be the authentic for on social network sites, and I'm ready to dive in.
So thanks for such a timely post... because I found myself balking the last few days. Not picking up the phone to meet with the Mktg Dir., or owner of these companies. I was nervous they wouldn't want to listen to a PTA mom from Overland Park Kansas who is on a wild binge about getting their company out into the hemisphere. But I am... and they will. Thanks for the push!
Alexis Ceule
Christine Fife
· 8 months ago
Already tweeting this post along. It is a great "step back" for people who are trying to start something new.
On "Confidence is About Small Successes" and "Confidence is About Risk"... Too many people fear the risk and don't grasp the small successes (baby steps) concept because the fear of accomplishing the whole is so great. For people who have that fear, there are a lot of things you can do to minimize the risk/fear. 1) Look it up: so much is available online to answer your questions. There are people who have tried something at least similar to what you want to do. Learn from them. Reach out to them. Find the experiences they've already posted online somewhere. And, there is a lot of free expert advice and how-to's online. 2) Jump In to the Market Conversation: Whatever your idea is, there is a market for it (otherwise you probably wouldn't have thought of the idea.) So really consider what your market space is and find the individual's who are influencing that space. Follow what they have to say and start participating in their conversation. Ask questions, make comments, see what other participants are saying. All of this will lead you to more helpful information that you might not have thought of looking for.
tojosan
· 8 months ago
Confidence isn't about know the the outcome and moving, it's about about having a vision and moving towards it regardless of 'obstacles'. You're the guy that sees instead of obstacles, opportunities, even if they are opportunities to fail and grow and keep going.
Becky is great. I don't spend enough time connected to her. I'm still working on forming my support group. Great beginnings I have in Becky McCray, Rick Mahn, Chris Cree, and Sheila Scarborough. I need some more and specifically on some areas.
I've not been actively building a close support structure for a stepping off point.
Goals though, I have some. One big one - put St. Louis on the map for social media and networking. That to me means events, blogging, meetups, video, etc. I won't be doing it all myself, but enlisting, encouraging, and sponsoring others is where I'll be the rest of the time.
Cheers to confidence. I really heard it in my voice this morning for the first time in a while. It's time to take off.
Jamie Favreau
· 8 months ago
I believe you should have passion for what you are doing and with this comes the self confidence to do what you believe in. This is a great motivator because you need this core group of mentors to help you succeed.
I was asked a question by one of my employers which I plan on leaving once I find something and/or start my own freelance business! He said, "would you have come in if you had known three days prior to the event you were going to be missing work." The answer is, "NO." I am an usher at a sports arena and some bad things have happened.
The truth is I am passionate about learning about social media and networking in person. So this drives me to be a better marketer for myself and hopefully my dream job which just opened up. I am thinking with out the confidence to see things clearly I would not have made the decision which I am considering with a lot of studying.
I know getting the dream job is hard work which is why I am doing it.
AlexisCeule
· 8 months ago
I want a PODCAMP in Kansas City. Maybe I'll host one... hmmmm... I checked the calendar for '09 and nothing is near us. I see there's one in BERLIN! LOL! Awesome.... but no good for us Kansas City folk.
Who do I contact? Whitney?
markivey
· 8 months ago
Nice post Chris. At the end of the day, all you have is your own wits, network, brainpower , experiences, etc, and being confident in your own path is critical. Secondly, "security" as defined by society is often an illusion anyhow, so you must be confident in carving out your own niche. I left the comforts of the corporate life and an executive communications job about five years ago and all the benefits and steady paychecks. First couple of years of building a business were pretty brutal, but it eventually paid off. Meantime, the company I left is being swallowed up by a bigger one, so the few people I know who survived there now face an uncertain future. As you think about taking a risk or following your own passion, think of this: "Ultimately we know deeply that on the other side of every fear is freedom." Marilyn Ferguson
Linda Johannesson
· 8 months ago
Chris - as always... wise words. I find that confidence and the habit of developing continuous improvements (no matter how small) go hand in hand. If you're constantly focused on making improvements - in your business, your relationships, your fitness....whatever, there's a feeling of control over your life that comes from that. I think this feeling of control helps to breed confidence that's required to make the big leaps of faith - it gives you the strength to feel the fear and do it anyway. PS - love the shaved head!!!
Barry Moltz
· 8 months ago
True Business Confidence comes from having resiliency. Knowing that success and failure are part of the business cycle. When you have success- celebrate, when you have failure- mourn, but then let go and get ready for another opportunity at success. Goods times don't last forever but bad times don't either!
@JoshHurlock
· 8 months ago
This is tremendous. Confidence leads to success. You cannot be successful if you do not believe in yourself. Otherwise, that lack of confidence will hold you back. Confidence allows you to take action, which is the only way anything becomes accomplished.
stevebrogan
· 8 months ago
I wish I had read this post prior to playing a tourney at Poker Stars on Sunday when this post came out! Lots of great ideas, usable in real life.
Gordon Curtis
· 8 months ago
Chris,
Another spot on post. Congratulations to you and my brilliant friend David Cutler on his joining you. He is amazing. Been forwarding your posts everywhere that matters while on shared journey of writing a social networking book. Got several players from my publisher Jossey-Bass to attend next Inbound Marketing conference. Wish I could go. Keep up the great work!
Napoleon B (@P0_P0)
· 8 months ago
Great post!
I agree with everything here, especially the part about believing in yourself.
One thing that I didn't consider until reading this post was that a social network can actually help build confidence. It's true, now that I think about my personal experience in my little social networks on twitter and facebook. I know I can count on certain people to answer my questions and give valuable opinions and feedback. Many of these people I have never met in real life - just online contacts - and yet the feedback I get from them is genuine and welcomed by me.
Lee Williams
· 8 months ago
Someone recently asked me what was the biggest obstacle for getting my business to that next level. I said "Money" She pointed at me and said " 'I' was" I said "Money" She disagreed.
I'm perplexed. It's a generalization. I'm angry at that statement...does that make me the obstacle? I throw in the towel.
Justin
· 8 months ago
This is one of your best posts yet. So much truth to it, especially the part about eliminating excuses.
rebeccacheng
· 8 months ago
Love the way you clearly defined:
Financial Goal. Relationship Goal. Career Goal.
Great reading.
frank barry
· 8 months ago
Believing in your self and have others around you that believe in you, support your encourage you and tell you the truth. I think these 2 things are the building blocks or foundation. Without them everything else is that much harder. With them, anything is possible.
I think i'm at the RISK point ... it's the logical next or 3rd piece of the puzzle. Once you believe in your self and have a good group of people around you taking RISK becomes the next step. Maybe you have to have a plan in place, but many of us know where we want to go or what we want to do deep down in our gut so it them becomes a matter of doing something about it - taking the RISK.
As a former skateboarder, I really appreciate your "go to a skatepark" analogy. It's all about risk. But if you really want to understand risk firsthand.. don't do to a skatepark and watch.... you've got to drop in. ;)
Juliet
· 8 months ago
I totally second the book recommendation for Self Esteem by Fanning & McKay. - love that book! I think it makes a difference that it was written by psychologists and not gurus and let's the reader decide what's working for them - lots of different perspectives and options.
natashawescoat
· 8 months ago
This has been my constant theme for the last five years. Without risks, we will see nothing. I've taken huge risks over these 5 years in my career and life and have only seen positive results so far. I've had a few falls here and there, but quite literally, they've been the propellers to the next level. The American dream is in the ability to take those risks and have the freedom to try for what we want. And social media is another tool that allows me to do that. Very exciting!
Joseph Fiore
· 8 months ago
Chris,
Some fantastic insights - thanks for sharing!
I may be stating the obvious with my comments, but in my own experience, there are two fundamental elements to confidence that have either acted as an enabler, or a disabler. The first is something about our appearance and self-esteem. I have found that engaging in physical excercise, especially in a consistent enough manner where you test your bodies limits has much to do in shaping your threshold of tolerance for risk taking. This kind of leads off your idea of the skaters way. Its difficult to explain, but you need to shake that inner voice that you hear when your on your last leg on the treadmill, telling you "the chest hurts... gasp... can't take it anymore" - if you cannot find a way to somehow overcome its coercive way, you're just setting yourself up for deflated confidence. This idea ties into the "running" theme Will Smith talked about during a speech he gave after winning the Kid's Choice award.
Still related to this notion of conditioning confidence, there is also a very important movement shaping around a book and the idea that excercise actually helps condition not only our bodies but our brain's. The thing that got me thinking this theory made logical sense is that I've actually experienced the "brain gain" it talks about. I found out about the book watching an inspirational documentary about a teacher at a "reform" type school in Canada (where children with social and behavioural issues end up as their last option before falling through the cracks of the school system) where a teacher brought treadmills into a classroom and got these kids to workout for 20 minutes each day before doing classwork. The results were astonishing. One kid who could not sit still or read before starting this program had improved his reading and writing by 80% and his comprehension up 300%. IMHO, this was clearly a case of a teacher that had invested time and attention in them like no other teacher before, and while the "brain gain" was at the core of their improvement, there was also an element of inspiring confidence within themselves that took them down the path of self-improvement.
The second is a barrier or disabler - its something called ego. I once heard a really good analogy from a Mass reading that described ego as "easing God out." Its a point that really resonates with me, and much of what you talk about in your posts, and that relates to the importance of selfless acts, sharing and contributing without expecting anything in return. Doing good with your skills and talent. Nothing has more of an impact on a persons confidence when their over-inflated ego gets crushed, and the only good that can come from that experience is geting over being self-centered and realizing there is more to life than how you project yourself to others.
Joseph @RepuTrack
Joseph Fiore
· 8 months ago
Sorry, I forgot to link a reference to the book - its called "Spark: The revolutionary new science of excercise and the brain" by John J. Ratey, M.D., and here is a bit.ly shortened url of the USAToday article about it: http://bit.ly/cH5eh
The Writer Mama
· 7 months ago
I'm going to check out this McKay book. Thanks for sharing it. I think I'll read it with Gladwell's Outliers. :)
Absolutely right there Chris when you say confidence is all about the small successes. Some psychologists (Marty Seligman for one) recommends writing down every small victory so that you can reflect and remember it. This way your mind becomes accustomed to success! I have a couple of postings about it over at my career blog www.theundercoverrecruiter.com Thanks for a great site, Jorgen
All Comments
I truly think you have hit the key foundation of confidence squarely. Setting up you goals, making commitments, using your "social network", having faith and trust in yourself - will get you there.
Rarely do we see anyone that is truly successful - that lacks in confidence. Just does not happen.
In the interest of contributing to the discussion. I would add that a subtle and quiet confidence comes from really listening to your purest heart and speaking truth from that place. This requires that you spend quiet time with your Self... breathing ... getting comfortable in your own skin ... regardless of "environmental cues". Speaking from an authentic heart voice is very powerful.
Since going to PodCamp 1 I have grown more and more confident about doing things with my community. I have continued my podcast about knitting, I have started a fiber guild of 150+, I have organized gatherings for knitters in NYC and MD just because no one else was doing it. I am hoping that I can complete the circle in a way by doing a FiberCamp event in January.
While I have not found financial profit through my "niche" podcast, I have found friends and supporters/sponsors for doing all these exciting projects. Each time I complete a projects I feel a little more confident about the next good idea that I think should be done. As my friend Alanna says about me "Guido is not afraid to ask, what it we... ".
Anyhow... thanks Chris for believing in me and my "niche" and showing me that lots of things are possible if you just go out and do them.
I would often fall into these "phases" that resemble depressive states, and that is certainly a confidence killer. Seeking support sometimes feels useless and ineffective, but in the end, it's those words that come from like-minded people that gets you back on your feet.
Great article, Chris. Thanks for helping me set myself back on track.
Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’s too high!
Come to the edge!
And they came,
and he pushed,
and they flew.
Guillaume Appollinaire
For me, a big part of confidence has been tied to embracing a servant leadership approach. All of us can serve others, and few people will resist being helped. As such, you can feel good about your efforts knowing that your intention is to benefit someone else. This situation sets up a foundation for confidence even among those who might be unsure of their skills and talents.
Thanks,
Mike Brown
Ok, so he might mean it slightly more aggressively than others, but the sentiment is spot on - believe in yourself and others will too.
Confidence is knowing that you'll not always make the right decision, and that's okay - as long as you learn and make it better the next time.
I can think of no greater example of this recently than Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent—she was unapologetically herself, and for a moment she represented everything that is possible in the world.
Confidence is something that I constantly work on. And as I continue to learn to gather more and more of it, I've come to realize that confidence doesn't necessarily have to be looked at something that one should obtain. Honestly, I truly believe its already in all of us. Its our outside influences that can make our confidence shrivel into its cave. I really believe it starts with who you surround yourself with and doing the things that make you feel good. Not so much confident mind you, but engaging in activities and being with people that invigorate and inspire you to take those risks. Then the confidence you already had inside you, says oh yeah... this is cool!
PS. Can't wait to meet you at SOBCon!! So soon!
I like your skaterboard analogy. Is very current to the "times" we live in. It takes a lot of guts to step in the middle of a rink and be the "underdog" sort of speak - especially when you know that a portion of the crowd is not really supporting you but waiting to see if you'll raise the bar and make things harder for them.
Either way - regardless of the outcome of your strategy the fact that you were willing to take a risk on an idea you believe in, is, in itself a confidence builder that you should never, ever allow anyone to take away from you.
As usual, thanks for the insight and relevancy. Another source of confidence that I'd add to the list: failure.
We can all triumph in our successes and gain confidence from positive outcomes. However, it's the people with the most confidence who I find have a special something - a unique ability to accept when they're wrong, learn from their mistakes, and walk confidently knowing that they can pick themselves up again.
- Alexa | @alexa
p.s. Lovin' the baldy. :)
When my employer terminated me they tried to make me think that I had somehow failed to measure up, but I know better. Their entire website content was mine, plus some of their clients. I developed their strategies and packages for PPC, SEO and Social Media Marketing and they are using them as I write this.
I believe in myself and my success is imminent even if I don't know where my next check is coming from. I still research and learn about what I love every day just as if I was still at work and I want to thank you Chris for being one of my teachers.
Angela | @communitygirl
I tend to make decisions that make other people scared for me. I don't follow a beaten path and I take odd risks, such as quitting my job in the middle of a recession after only 2 weeks because I knew it wasn't a fit at all. (Good thing, too, because they've since laid off the majority of their staff and are running out of funding, but that wasn't why I quit.)
I sometimes think I'm crazy.
But, most times, I know that I make these unconventional decisions because I am confident that they will work out. In fact, when I was debating about whether or not I should quit my job, I remember distinctly talking to my mom and saying, "If I stay, I will be admitting that I don't believe in myself enough to find another job or make it work somehow." I remember thinking that I couldn't give myself a loophole or say to myself that I wouldn't be able to further my career.
Since then, I've started my own business and have found a truer path for my career.
Funny, too, because I received an unprecedented amount of criticism when I came forward about quitting this job after 2 weeks. And, most people may chalk my decision up to fickle, typical young kid impatience, but me? I chalk it up to confidence.
I agree that language matters - which is why when I'm coaching someone who wants to be more 'confident', I usually tell them to forget about confidence and concentrate on enthusiasm, because confidence is all about me whereas enthusiasm is about me in relation to you.
Some people look very confident but they aren't very engaging - whereas if I'm enthused by my subject and what it means for you, it's hard for you not to be infected by that. So we naturally develop rapport based on mutual enthusiasm.
When you know you can do that with people, you stop worrying about being confident.
I wrote about this a while ago: http://www.wishfulthinking.co.uk/2006/11/24/5-r...
You inspire me! I took your post and ran with it for my network marketing business. www.debworks.com
As always - thank you ! btw, love the sexy, confident new look!
@debworks
Thanks for a very inspirational post, Chris.
Heather
Sharing your success also works really well. It is simple tell someone what you have accomplished...put it out there in the real world.
Thanks Chris
Best.
William
www.williamarruda.com
I often experience my most significant breakthroughs and successes when I'm doing something that scares the hell out of me.
But I remain confident. Based on my track record I know I can trust my plan and move forward even when it feels like I'm performing without a net.
Over time I've come to associate this feeling of nervous energy with good things, so fear of the unknown, or that whacked out feeling I get before presenting to a crowd is usually a sign that good things are about to happen.
Flip that association around in your own head and you'll find yourself operating in a space that creates a whole new level of opportunity.
I think this is one of your best posts ever, Chris. Thanks!
I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with the PR part of my business, but I know writing. I'm focused on that, and since learning the term "content marketing" I am far more confident in my ability to apply the skills I learned as a freelance writer to PR. I've even had one small media-relations success so far!
Even though we don't know each other, I count you/your blog in my support network, because your words alone make me feel as if I'm on the right track. There are a couple of other blogs that make me feel the same way, along with, of course, my closest friends and my client. And I think they respond because I too have been working to change both my outlook and the words I use to describe it, and actively seeking their support too.
Thank you again.
Thanks for a great post.
In working with clients for 20 years helping them let go of their emotional pain and create a happy, healthy life for themselves, I've found that everyone...from the CEO of a Fortune 500 company to the teenager whose giving their parents fits, all have one thing in common. They all are suffering from self-doubt and low self-esteem, even if they are putting on the best confidence show in the world.
Here is one of the exercises I give them to do. Write 200 qualities that you genuinely value and appreciate about yourself. Then each day go through the following process with 4 of the words (an arbitrary number).
For example, let's say your word is kind.
1. Feel the VALUE of being kind (to you and others).
2. Feel GRATEFUL that you are kind.
3. ACKNOWLEDGE yourself for being kind with a "Good Job," or a pat on the back (you can be really creative on this one).
4. And finally feel LOVE for yourself for being kind.
The key is FEELING...not just thinking.
When you have completed the 200 words, you will have a new confidence that goes deep and can't be shaken. I had a client do the entire exercise in one weekend. It completely changed her life!
Great post!
I am attending the FITC conference in Toronto so that I can learn how to do some of the things that I need to do. I applied for and won a digital media scholarship that will go a long way in filling the gaps. I spent 7 hours one Saturday taking a tutorial that taught me html and I am getting better. Even though I am terrified of what I am trying to do, I don't think about it and just put one foot in front of the other, because that's all that I can do right now.
I am learning to take risks and the bigger the risks the greater the rewards as you said in your posts. Taking these risks feel uncomfortable to me but I have to move forward, I cannot stand still.
My blog isn't where it is right now, it doesn't look the way I envisoin but everyday I take a step to get it to where I want it because every journey begins with a first step.
Thank you for your blog post and keep on taking risks. www.twitter.com/avilbeckford
Knowing my reign was coming to an end soon, I had to ask myself how I wanted to spend my time. Like most of your readers, I am on the computer all the time, on social networks. Everything from Facebook, Twitter, local networks to flipp'n Club Penguin earning coins for my kids characters. When I started hearing about "social media" I joined the Social Media Club of KC, I was fortunate they were having a meetup THAT NIGHT. I went in with a goal to meet 10 new people. (I love doing that. LOL). I met the "face and presence" of one my rock star social media companies here in KC... Spiral 16, immediately! This girl is doing what I want to be doing... and you know what... I'm going to do it. I've been talking about which local companies I believe the most in and could be the authentic for on social network sites, and I'm ready to dive in.
So thanks for such a timely post... because I found myself balking the last few days. Not picking up the phone to meet with the Mktg Dir., or owner of these companies. I was nervous they wouldn't want to listen to a PTA mom from Overland Park Kansas who is on a wild binge about getting their company out into the hemisphere. But I am... and they will. Thanks for the push!
Alexis Ceule
On "Confidence is About Small Successes" and "Confidence is About Risk"... Too many people fear the risk and don't grasp the small successes (baby steps) concept because the fear of accomplishing the whole is so great. For people who have that fear, there are a lot of things you can do to minimize the risk/fear.
1) Look it up: so much is available online to answer your questions. There are people who have tried something at least similar to what you want to do. Learn from them. Reach out to them. Find the experiences they've already posted online somewhere. And, there is a lot of free expert advice and how-to's online.
2) Jump In to the Market Conversation: Whatever your idea is, there is a market for it (otherwise you probably wouldn't have thought of the idea.) So really consider what your market space is and find the individual's who are influencing that space. Follow what they have to say and start participating in their conversation. Ask questions, make comments, see what other participants are saying. All of this will lead you to more helpful information that you might not have thought of looking for.
Becky is great. I don't spend enough time connected to her. I'm still working on forming my support group. Great beginnings I have in Becky McCray, Rick Mahn, Chris Cree, and Sheila Scarborough. I need some more and specifically on some areas.
I've not been actively building a close support structure for a stepping off point.
Goals though, I have some. One big one - put St. Louis on the map for social media and networking. That to me means events, blogging, meetups, video, etc. I won't be doing it all myself, but enlisting, encouraging, and sponsoring others is where I'll be the rest of the time.
Cheers to confidence. I really heard it in my voice this morning for the first time in a while. It's time to take off.
I was asked a question by one of my employers which I plan on leaving once I find something and/or start my own freelance business! He said, "would you have come in if you had known three days prior to the event you were going to be missing work." The answer is, "NO." I am an usher at a sports arena and some bad things have happened.
The truth is I am passionate about learning about social media and networking in person. So this drives me to be a better marketer for myself and hopefully my dream job which just opened up. I am thinking with out the confidence to see things clearly I would not have made the decision which I am considering with a lot of studying.
I know getting the dream job is hard work which is why I am doing it.
Who do I contact? Whitney?
I find that confidence and the habit of developing continuous improvements (no matter how small) go hand in hand. If you're constantly focused on making improvements - in your business, your relationships, your fitness....whatever, there's a feeling of control over your life that comes from that. I think this feeling of control helps to breed confidence that's required to make the big leaps of faith - it gives you the strength to feel the fear and do it anyway.
PS - love the shaved head!!!
Another spot on post. Congratulations to you and my brilliant friend David Cutler on his joining you. He is amazing. Been forwarding your posts everywhere that matters while on shared journey of writing a social networking book. Got several players from my publisher Jossey-Bass to attend next Inbound Marketing conference. Wish I could go. Keep up the great work!
I agree with everything here, especially the part about believing in yourself.
One thing that I didn't consider until reading this post was that a social network can actually help build confidence. It's true, now that I think about my personal experience in my little social networks on twitter and facebook. I know I can count on certain people to answer my questions and give valuable opinions and feedback. Many of these people I have never met in real life - just online contacts - and yet the feedback I get from them is genuine and welcomed by me.
I said "Money"
She pointed at me and said " 'I' was"
I said "Money"
She disagreed.
I'm perplexed. It's a generalization. I'm angry at that statement...does that make me the obstacle? I throw in the towel.
Financial Goal. Relationship Goal. Career Goal.
Great reading.
I think i'm at the RISK point ... it's the logical next or 3rd piece of the puzzle. Once you believe in your self and have a good group of people around you taking RISK becomes the next step. Maybe you have to have a plan in place, but many of us know where we want to go or what we want to do deep down in our gut so it them becomes a matter of doing something about it - taking the RISK.
http://twitter.com/franswaa
Some fantastic insights - thanks for sharing!
I may be stating the obvious with my comments, but in my own experience, there are two fundamental elements to confidence that have either acted as an enabler, or a disabler. The first is something about our appearance and self-esteem. I have found that engaging in physical excercise, especially in a consistent enough manner where you test your bodies limits has much to do in shaping your threshold of tolerance for risk taking. This kind of leads off your idea of the skaters way. Its difficult to explain, but you need to shake that inner voice that you hear when your on your last leg on the treadmill, telling you "the chest hurts... gasp... can't take it anymore" - if you cannot find a way to somehow overcome its coercive way, you're just setting yourself up for deflated confidence. This idea ties into the "running" theme Will Smith talked about during a speech he gave after winning the Kid's Choice award.
Still related to this notion of conditioning confidence, there is also a very important movement shaping around a book and the idea that excercise actually helps condition not only our bodies but our brain's. The thing that got me thinking this theory made logical sense is that I've actually experienced the "brain gain" it talks about. I found out about the book watching an inspirational documentary about a teacher at a "reform" type school in Canada (where children with social and behavioural issues end up as their last option before falling through the cracks of the school system) where a teacher brought treadmills into a classroom and got these kids to workout for 20 minutes each day before doing classwork. The results were astonishing. One kid who could not sit still or read before starting this program had improved his reading and writing by 80% and his comprehension up 300%. IMHO, this was clearly a case of a teacher that had invested time and attention in them like no other teacher before, and while the "brain gain" was at the core of their improvement, there was also an element of inspiring confidence within themselves that took them down the path of self-improvement.
The second is a barrier or disabler - its something called ego. I once heard a really good analogy from a Mass reading that described ego as "easing God out." Its a point that really resonates with me, and much of what you talk about in your posts, and that relates to the importance of selfless acts, sharing and contributing without expecting anything in return. Doing good with your skills and talent. Nothing has more of an impact on a persons confidence when their over-inflated ego gets crushed, and the only good that can come from that experience is geting over being self-centered and realizing there is more to life than how you project yourself to others.
Joseph
@RepuTrack
view my blog
http://powerofselfesteem.com/tag/conversational...
Without confidence, you can't possibly expect someone to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself.
What a great article!
Fitness equipment, especially treadmills, are quickly gaining ground as the premiere choice for at-home exercising.
http://www.fitnessmust.com/
Great Treadmills fitness Blog.